that definitely happens with young but the predicate of being in a good marriage is the problem. as bloom intimated defining a good marriage isn't easy. some are just secure. some are just lacking in options. many things go into it. i would have never stayed married to my first wife for 40 years regardless. and i don't let fear ever dictate anything in my life. i'm not risk averse. so the young one potentially leaving was never anything that would have entered my calculus. like i said. i'm super happy either way. only work has ever truly made me unhappy
We celebrated our 57th anniversary a few weeks ago. Everything that was said about security, convenience, comfort, necessity indeed contributes to a strong marriage, but there is a lot more.
A few anecdotes that I think anre important.
When I was in law school my stoker was in law wives club. . (Yeah, old fashioned, but we are talking late 60’s.). One of the guest speaker lawyers, mentioned lawyer divorce statistics. They were not optimistic. That bothered her. About the same time, a high school classmate gave me some great family advice at our 5 year reunion. Paraphrasing; “your kids will be around for 18-20 years, your wife will be around forever. Your wife comes first.“ Some parents get so wrapped up in kids, you neglect your spouse.
We made it a point to take a mom and dad vacation alone for as long as kids were home. 2 per year. Winter time was a usually ski weekend. A few times we did nothing more than shack up at the Brown Palace.
When we were both busy with work and kids stuff, we realized we weren’t spending time together. Once the kids were old enough to turn on the Saturday TV cartoons, we went out for breakfast. More alone time. Leaving kids that age alone for a couple hours every Saturday would probably be child abuse now.
Do things together. We bike, ski (not any more) and play cribbage.
Best day ever. A Tandem ride along the Big Sur Coast. One day was 60+ miles and 5,000 feet of total climb. Not a huge day on my single bike but the most challenging day ever on our tandem. My stoker had never done anything like that. We did it together. We finished with a big hug, and the dopamine was in abundance. She still regularly talks about that day.
The more you do together, the more memories you build, shared memories are like a hefty retirement fund for your marriage.
Now, anybody want to talk about how to hold a law firm together for 50+ years. Marriage is a piece of cake in comparison.