Marriage does make you happier?

[Bowlmania]

but maybe it's family and not marriage necessarily. last night i was watching the newcastle documentary on amazon. my daughter was in her room blasting taylor swift's august on a loop. might not be a great sign. and my little guy was building his train in the living room. great night. if my house was empty maybe i'd feel differently. so maybe when they're all gone i'll be old enough to get on the cougar track. tho that wouldn't comport with my bucket list to spend a year visiting english grounds and pubs along w/ euro nights

Here's the thing, though, and I'm seriously trying to help. I get the impression you're at least 50. You want to be around to see your kids grow up, and I would think (unless you're Jagger or Alec Baldwin or DeNiro loaded) you'd rather not be paying college tuition when you're into your 70s or older. Be wary of women looking for a baby daddy, and exercise discretion when it comes to using that big tool.

And you likely won't be able to rely on work for happiness in your senior years. It's kind of a tired cliche, but there's truth to it - - no one ever says on their deathbed that they wished they had spent more time at the office.

You'd benefit from a solid, live-in relationship. And a woman who's at least in the same generation is probably the way to go.

 

[mcmurtry66]

We celebrated our 57th anniversary a few weeks ago. Everything that was said about security, convenience, comfort, necessity indeed contributes to a strong marriage, but there is a lot more.

A few anecdotes that I think anre important.

When I was in law school my stoker was in law wives club. . (Yeah, old fashioned, but we are talking late 60’s.). One of the guest speaker lawyers, mentioned lawyer divorce statistics. They were not optimistic. That bothered her. About the same time, a high school classmate gave me some great family advice at our 5 year reunion. Paraphrasing; “your kids will be around for 18-20 years, your wife will be around forever. Your wife comes first.“ Some parents get so wrapped up in kids, you neglect your spouse.

We made it a point to take a mom and dad vacation alone for as long as kids were home. 2 per year. Winter time was a usually ski weekend. A few times we did nothing more than shack up at the Brown Palace.

When we were both busy with work and kids stuff, we realized we weren’t spending time together. Once the kids were old enough to turn on the Saturday TV cartoons, we went out for breakfast. More alone time. Leaving kids that age alone for a couple hours every Saturday would probably be child abuse now.

Do things together. We bike, ski (not any more) and play cribbage.

Best day ever. A Tandem ride along the Big Sur Coast. One day was 60+ miles and 5,000 feet of total climb. Not a huge day on my single bike but the most challenging day ever on our tandem. My stoker had never done anything like that. We did it together. We finished with a big hug, and the dopamine was in abundance. She still regularly talks about that day.

The more you do together, the more memories you build, shared memories are like a hefty retirement fund for your marriage.

Now, anybody want to talk about how to hold a law firm together for 50+ years. Marriage is a piece of cake in comparison.

all sound. you're absolutely correct. i don't know. some of us are just wired differently. maybe just shallow. more susceptible to temptation. whatever. that 7 year itch is a big problem and truth to me. that's about the time historically i started to get bored. see physical attraction decline. etc.

 

[Bulk VanderHuge]

Damn...I've only been married for 35 years next month. I feel like a kid.

 

[mcmurtry66]

This has been a fun and interesting thread.

I feel like I’m happier and healthier since my divorce, but I could see how those two areas could head south post divorce.

I actually thought I was on the path to getting remarried, but now I’m not so sure. I like being able to do whatever I want to a degree and it’d take someone with a lot of understanding and grace to put up with that.

There are a lot of jokes about marriage I. This thread, but there are kernels of truth in most all of those jokes. Im all for marriage being a legit partnership, but I don’t want to ever feel like I need to ask someone for permission to do something or go somewhere. Im not really sure all that’s possible within the confines of marriage.

yeah that does creep in. you get set in your ways. i'm not sure i'd ever get married again. i doubt it. it certainly wouldn't be to someone i have to financially support yet again

 

[Bowlmania]

This has been a fun and interesting thread.

I feel like I’m happier and healthier since my divorce, but I could see how those two areas could head south post divorce.

I actually thought I was on the path to getting remarried, but now I’m not so sure. I like being able to do whatever I want to a degree and it’d take someone with a lot of understanding and grace to put up with that.

There are a lot of jokes about marriage I. This thread, but there are kernels of truth in most all of those jokes. Im all for marriage being a legit partnership, but I don’t want to ever feel like I need to ask someone for permission to do something or go somewhere. Im not really sure all that’s possible within the confines of marriage.

If you find the right person, you won't feel the need to ask permission. You'll already be on the same page, and it'll just be a matter of communication.

You seem like a solid guy. It'll all work out. Good luck.

-Dr. Phil

 

[Ohio Guy]

If you're in a shitty marriage, get out of it before taking up with someone else.

This is spot on.

Married people who cheat are selfish, cheaters, liars and cowards. Especially if they’re in a long standing marriage with kids involved.

If someone is truly unhappy, just end it and spare all the extra embarrassment, hurt and anger for the person you’re leaving behind.

 

[twenty02]

Best odds for a successful marriage? Don't marry a broke one.

How Divorce Rates Are Tied To Income

Get the best outcome possible with help from a Columbia family lawyer from The Law Offices of Todd K. Mohink, P.A.

www.marylandlawhelp.com

 

[mcmurtry66]

Here's the thing, though, and I'm seriously trying to help. I get the impression you're at least 50. You want to be around to see your kids grow up, and I would think (unless you're Jagger or Alec Baldwin or DeNiro loaded) you'd rather not be paying college tuition when you're into your 70s or older. Be wary of women looking for a baby daddy, and exercise discretion when it comes to using that big tool.

And you likely won't be able to rely on work for happiness in your senior years. It's kind of a tired cliche, but there's truth to it - - no one ever says on their deathbed that they wished they had spent more time at the office.

You'd benefit from a solid, live-in relationship. And a woman who's at least in the same generation is probably the way to go.

for sure re a new baby mama. that'd be an absolute disaster on countless fronts. my work is a little different. i'm involved in work projects that require very little of me, i partner with my friends, and we can do them essentially for as long as we want. we're the owners. so we're very fortunate in that regard and can do them well into our old age. as ohio guy notes a live-in i'm not entirely sure about that. maybe

 

[CO. Hoosier]

all sound. you're absolutely correct. i don't know. some of us are just wired differently. maybe just shallow. more susceptible to temptation. whatever. that 7 year itch is a big problem and truth to me. that's about the time historically i started to get bored. see physical attraction decline. etc.

Yep everyone is wired differently and all relationships are different. Ours works. I’d like to think I know why, but I also can’t discount simple luck of the draw. Regardless, there are specific behavior s that help or hurt.

 

[Bowlmania]

Damn...I've only been married for 35 years next month. I feel like a kid.

You are, here.

 

[Ohio Guy]

yeah that does creep in. you get set in your ways. i'm not sure i'd ever get married again. i doubt it. it certainly wouldn't be to someone i have to financially support yet again

More and more I’m finding this is where I am. I’m not totally ruling out getting married again, but if the relatively small sample size of women I’ve met post breakup are any indication, no thanks.

 

[mcmurtry66]

More and more I’m finding this is where I am. I’m not totally ruling out getting married again, but if the relatively small sample size of women I’ve met post breakup are any indication, no thanks.

yeah and i've already got back into sort of my old routine. i play soccer friday nights and sunday mornings. beers after. saturday adventures with the kids. Go to City games. sunday night go with friends to a bar my buddy owns to listen to music. travel when i want. work as much as i want. it's pretty damn good life. all that said, and i know you have kids, and as bowl sort of alluded to, that might change when the kids (or at least the big one) is gone. maybe then it'll feel less fulfilling.

i rarely did things for myself when married or with my stoker. it was always just us

 

[Bowlmania]

More and more I’m finding this is where I am. I’m not totally ruling out getting married again, but if the relatively small sample size of women I’ve met post breakup are any indication, no thanks.

It's easy to understand how someone could make a mistake in partner selection, or perhaps is working through his own shit (immaturity, substance abuse issues, etc.) so that a first marriage is doomed from the start and divorce follows. That can happen to anyone. What I don't get, though, is people who are on their third (or more) marriage. Seems to me that if two marriages have failed, that's a red flag. The person: 1) has really poor judgment when it comes to choosing a spouse; or 2) has too many personal issues to overcome. Time to remain single at that point.

 

[twenty02]

For sure. It’s interesting though. Professions, where you live, all sorts of odd things factor in. I have an unusually large penis and that has probably oversexualized me as well. And made things more challenging

We all have our burdens to carry.....

 

[Bloom.]

You'd benefit from a solid, live-in relationship. And a woman who's at least in the same generation is probably the way to go.

This

 

[larsIU]

And a woman who's at least in the same generation is probably the way to go.

Dude, he won't listen. He doesn't understand the charms of a more mature woman. It's baffling.

We all have our burdens to carry.....

he's already discussed his lulu collection.

 

[Mas-sa-suta]

Congratulations. That's impressive. Now just move past that Nazi shit and you'll be better off.

History doesn't change, regardless of the spin we've endured for nearly a century.

 

[snarlcakes]

We celebrated our 57th anniversary a few weeks ago. Everything that was said about security, convenience, comfort, necessity indeed contributes to a strong marriage, but there is a lot more.

A few anecdotes that I think anre important.

When I was in law school my stoker was in law wives club. . (Yeah, old fashioned, but we are talking late 60’s.). One of the guest speaker lawyers, mentioned lawyer divorce statistics. They were not optimistic. That bothered her. About the same time, a high school classmate gave me some great family advice at our 5 year reunion. Paraphrasing; “your kids will be around for 18-20 years, your wife will be around forever. Your wife comes first.“ Some parents get so wrapped up in kids, you neglect your spouse.

We made it a point to take a mom and dad vacation alone for as long as kids were home. 2 per year. Winter time was a usually ski weekend. A few times we did nothing more than shack up at the Brown Palace.

When we were both busy with work and kids stuff, we realized we weren’t spending time together. Once the kids were old enough to turn on the Saturday TV cartoons, we went out for breakfast. More alone time. Leaving kids that age alone for a couple hours every Saturday would probably be child abuse now.

Do things together. We bike, ski (not any more) and play cribbage.

Best day ever. A Tandem ride along the Big Sur Coast. One day was 60+ miles and 5,000 feet of total climb. Not a huge day on my single bike but the most challenging day ever on our tandem. My stoker had never done anything like that. We did it together. We finished with a big hug, and the dopamine was in abundance. She still regularly talks about that day.

The more you do together, the more memories you build, shared memories are like a hefty retirement fund for your marriage.

Now, anybody want to talk about how to hold a law firm together for 50+ years. Marriage is a piece of cake in comparison.

Cribbage is a great game. I grew up playing it, gin, and club buck.

 

[NPT]

Congrats. That's a long run. Happy Anniversary.

Thanks.... seriously when you get a good partner stick with them and don't get distracted by some younger pretty face. Of course couples are gonna have spats.... that's just part of being married. When young I really didn't have much desire to get married even though I did want a kid or two but as I've gotten older I appreciate having a partner to do things with. And grandkids are great.

 

[NPT]

And apparently an ego to match.

I think his ego is larger. 🤣

Easy answer: way too ****ing long

Was that also her answer?🤣

This is one of the best threads ever. Thanks, murt, for opening up and letting it all hang out.

Yep,,, your education has doubled from reading the thread.

People don't cheat if they're truly happy, and while they should never cheat to begin with we know it happens.

In general I agree but I think there are situations where a person can cheat even if they are happy at home. The key is not to put yourself in a situation where you would even be tempted.

 

[mcmurtry66]

I think his ego is larger. 🤣


Was that also her answer?🤣


Yep,,, your education has doubled from reading the thread.



In general I agree but I think there are situations where a person can cheat even if they are happy at home. The key is not to put yourself in a situation where you would even be tempted.

Temptation is everywhere now. Much worse for the younger set. They never disconnect from each other. It’s a new world

 

[larsIU]

I think his ego is larger. 🤣


Was that also her answer?🤣


Yep,,, you education has doubled from reading the thread.



In general I agree but I think there are situations where a person can cheat even if they are happy at home. The key is not to put yourself in a situation where you would even be tempted.

Probably

 

[mcmurtry66]

I think his ego is larger. 🤣


Was that also her answer?🤣


Yep,,, your education has doubled from reading the thread.



In general I agree but I think there are situations where a person can cheat even if they are happy at home. The key is not to put yourself in a situation where you would even be tempted.

Imagine waiting longer to marry. Hooking up with 50 people. And then never losing contact with any of them. Seeing what they are up to on a daily basis. Temptation is right there on your socials. Life today is very different for me and this generation then you old goats who’ve been stuck with the same old wagon wheel for a century

 

[Bloom.]

In general I agree but I think there are situations where a person can cheat even if they are happy at home. The key is not to put yourself in a situation where you would even be tempted.

Yeah, but acting on that temptation has to be a residual of something. It's either enticing because it's something you shouldn't have, which is a maturity issue, or it's enticing because it's something you don't think you can get from your other.

If it's the latter, you bowl through a lot of steps (communication being the main one) to cheat.

 

[Bulk VanderHuge]

Imagine waiting longer to marry. Hooking up with 50 people. And then never losing contact with any of them. Seeing what they are up to on a daily basis. Temptation is right there on your socials. Life today is very different for me and this generation then you old goats who’ve been stuck with the same old wagon wheel for a century

How did you know my pet name for her was "OWW"?

 

[mcmurtry66]

How did you know my pet name for her was "OWW"?

Dying laughing. Try this out for foreplay tonight.

Get over here ya old wagon wheel. This thing ain’t gonna suck itself 🤣

 

[Bulk VanderHuge]

Dying laughing. Try this out for foreplay tonight.

Get over here ya old wagon wheel. This thing ain’t gonna suck itself 🤣

 

[mcmurtry66]

Are you two still considering Chattanooga?

 

[Bulk VanderHuge]

Are you two still considering Chattanooga?

Still not sure. Way down the road, I hope.
TBH, we like Indy so much, lately we have been talking about an older, smaller, one floor bungalow with lots of trees in Broad Ripple.

 

[mcmurtry66]

Still not sure. Way down the road, I hope.
TBH, we like Indy so much, lately we have been talking about an older, smaller, one floor bungalow with lots of trees in Broad Ripple.

Hard to move when you like where you are

 

[Ohio Guy]

Thanks.... seriously when you get a good partner stick with them and don't get distracted by some younger pretty face. Of course couples are gonna have spats.... that's just part of being married. When young I really didn't have much desire to get married even though I did want a kid or two but as I've gotten older I appreciate having a partner to do things with. And grandkids are great.

This is really great to read. And congrats.

This also reminded me of something I read or heard ( I actually think it's a pretty common sentiment). Marriage can be hard but divorce (especially with kids) is pretty hard too. Everyone's situation is different, but you ultimately get to choose which 'hard' is best for you.

 

[IUCrazy2]

You're still with Wife #1, right? I get the sense there aren't many of us here.

I an still with numerous uno.

 

[IUCrazy2]

Damn...I've only been married for 35 years next month. I feel like a kid.

Don't worry, you are f-ing old too. 😜

 

[Bowlmania]

We all have our burdens to carry.....

In the context of this particular discussion, I might replace "burdens" with "load."

 

[NPT]

Marriage can be hard but divorce (especially with kids) is pretty hard too.

I would think divorce with kids would be extremely difficult, especially if either side was vindictive and wasn't doing what was best for the kid(s).

 

[Bowlmania]

Yep,,, your education has doubled from reading the thread.

Actually I think there's been too much information.

It's a two-man race between Eppy and Murt with respect to who has revealed more about himself on the WC. Very close call, but I think Murt has the edge. Eppy hasn't yet discussed anatomy.

Not knocking it, though. This is probably therapeutic for some, and having an unusually large dick is a lot to handle.

 

[Bowlmania]

Thanks.... seriously when you get a good partner stick with them and don't get distracted by some younger pretty face. Of course couples are gonna have spats.... that's just part of being married. When young I really didn't have much desire to get married even though I did want a kid or two but as I've gotten older I appreciate having a partner to do things with. And grandkids are great.

You're preaching to the choir. I'm with wife #1 for many years, although I'm not anywhere near 4+ decades in like some of these guys.

 

[IUCrazy2]

Actually I think there's been too much information.

It's a two-man race between Eppy and Murt with respect to who has revealed more about himself on the WC. Very close call, but I think Murt has the edge. Eppy hasn't yet discussed anatomy.

Not knocking it, though. This is probably therapeutic for some, and having an unusually large dick is a lot to handle.

I see what you did there....

 

[Bowlmania]

I see what you did there....

Just having a little harmless fun. There was a load of stuff being spewed here yesterday, some posters probably quickly came and went, and some simply couldn't take it any longer and just blew it off completely.

Anyway it appears the mood has changed today but, in any event, it's all football for me now for the next few days. Happy Labor Day weekend.

 

[Mas-sa-suta]

Imagine waiting longer to marry. Hooking up with 50 people. And then never losing contact with any of them. Seeing what they are up to on a daily basis. Temptation is right there on your socials. Life today is very different for me and this generation then you old goats who’ve been stuck with the same old wagon wheel for a century

Speaking as (not for) an old goat my 'wagon wheel' was, and remains smoking hot to this day. She was 22, a pharmacy tech at the time, a small family..I knew all four of her Grandparents, who they were as people, origins, etc. My Grandmother was still living then, and my wife knew her and myriad aunts, uncles and cousins on both sides of my family.
Both sides full of Christian believers, Pastors in many generations on both sides.

Our relationship has depth and context. It has stood the tests of time.

I wish it for all of you.