ADVERTISEMENT

So my marriage is ending....

Status
Not open for further replies.
IUdonger

IUdonger

All-American
May 26, 2006
5,850
347
83
Palatine Hill
And for no other reason except we have grown apart. At 38, mid-life crisis is in full swing.

Had to sit and tell her that I couldn't do this anymore, that we have become such different people.

Kiddos find out today.

I have been running from things all my life, it's quite a change to actually confront the issues, talk openly, no anger, just spill it out and sort through it.

I haven't been single in over a decade, and I have to say, I am looking forward to some time by myself.

God Bless the AOTF. I miss Andy.

Love you guys.
Posted from Rivals Mobile
 
sorry to hear

it's tough for awhile........

but then it gets better. time is your friend

good luck
 
Make certain that kiddos don't become pawns

in your adult differences. This is very tough for them too.
 
Mid-life crisis?

Oh so you found someone else and decided that you have grown apart from your wife.

Vbg

I feel bad for your kids.
 
  • Like
Reactions: JARiley
sorry to hear about this...

I wish the best for you, your wife and your kids.

I'm curious though, have you and your wife tried to work things through? With kids involved, it would seem that you owe it to them to at least try to work things out. Maybe you've already done that and have discovered you're past the point of no return...my apologies if I was overly presumptuous.
 
Sorry to hear it.....

Hopefully you can amicably split and just make it work for your kids.

I'm sure you will come out of it all just fine. Put your efforts in your kids and the rest will come.

Andy had finally turned it all around and was doing great before his heart attack. I have no doubt you will get it all figured out going well soon.

Hang in there.
 
I have a friend who left his wife for another woman. He married her and in

5 yrs was running around with other men, often disappearing for weeks. The children from his first wife are very cold to him. So, now he is facing another divorce and will be alone because his second wife will get their child they had together. Donger, don't you think that my friend would have been happier if he had stayed with the first wife? I think he would. She had not committed adultery,but he just had a crisis or got bored, whatever it was. If you and your wife can go to counseling, I would bet that you would be a lot happier staying with the wife of your youth. Make this choice carefully and with a lot of thought. How about you chasing her like you did before you were married? Pursue her because you are choosing to love her regardless of how you feel about it. If she is willing then this would be your best chance for lifetime happiness.
 
without knowing all the details


Originally posted by VanPastorMan:
5 yrs was running around with other men, often disappearing for weeks. The children from his first wife are very cold to him. So, now he is facing another divorce and will be alone because his second wife will get their child they had together. Donger, don't you think that my friend would have been happier if he had stayed with the first wife? I think he would. She had not committed adultery,but he just had a crisis or got bored, whatever it was. If you and your wife can go to counseling, I would bet that you would be a lot happier staying with the wife of your youth. Make this choice carefully and with a lot of thought. How about you chasing her like you did before you were married? Pursue her because you are choosing to love her regardless of how you feel about it. If she is willing then this would be your best chance for lifetime happiness.
Click to expand...
how can you presume to know what is best for him (them)

i'm guessing this is something he has thought over from every angle for some time......
 
The kids are facing a whole-life crisis...

Hopefully, there are extended family on the mother's side to support them.
 
I am sorry to hear this

Very sad. I always feel most sad for the kids. I cannot even envision getting a divorce.
 
Married to first wife for 36 years

before we divorced in 2006. Went through tough times for about a year, but dated for awhile and had some good times. Then, I contacted a woman I knew from work and a year later we were married. It's been 7 years now and life is fantastic. I also inherited another great family, including grandchildren. Wish you the best!
Posted from Rivals Mobile
 
What Pastor and Ohio Guy below said. !! MY first marrage mirrors, the OP.

Just my $.02 ... Everything the Op said was the exact thoughts I had when I decided to end my first marriage. I had thought it through from "EVERY" angle. Or so I thought anyway.

Not knowing all of the details of the OP's life story I still would have to take him aside over a beer or 50, or even weeks of talking to him and say try some other things first. Things like,

Take a break for a while, if needed a year, or longer if needed. Get some things out of your system, stay in contact with the wife and be a parent still and always. If after this the feelings are still the same, OK but this will actually let you think it through from every angle.

This will also let you see first hand how it will effect the kids in terrible ways that you really can't understand until you see your very own kids hearts broken. Then you will truly understand the effect on them.

Talk to the wife about your thoughts, deep thoughts as you go through this. Just a bet of mine but I think you have a good chance of understanding her better and actually yourself much better.

You are not reinventing the relationship wheel here. You are following this mid life crisis thing like millions before you. I also bet there are millions of regret stories, I know I am one. I bet you are looking for excitement, fun, freedom to be 25 again. Well guess what, you are not and you never will be again. What you are about to do changes the rest of your life in ways no one can tell you, yes even me. I could be all wrong here and it be sunshine and rainbows, but that is not the story for many.

Anyway, good luck to you. I know this is a big decision and a difficult time. I hope the best for you and your kids.
 
Sorry to hear this.

Was the wife aware you had been feeling this way? Has there been any attempt to change things and try to grow back together?


I dont know your situation and in no way am I trying to sound judgy, just curious if there was any attempt to save the marriage.



Hits a little close to me as I am currently watching family members separate after 9 years of marriage and a 7 year old son with little effort to reconcile. They have both said there was no major problem but neither want to work on it.
 
Sorry to hear that. *

NM remainder of pre-edited post. Mixed up posters.
This post was edited on 2/28 11:52 AM by HA2740
 
Make this choice carefully and with a lot of thought.

I agree with that sentence. Im not sure most of the rest of the post was needed.

Your friends problems aren't because he got divorced. Your friend has problems because he is immature, doesn't respect the sanctity of marriage, is a terrible husband, and is a bad father.
Your friend never should have gotten married if he is going to act that childishly.

I agree that divorce is a big decision and shouldnt be taken lightly. But both sides have to work hard to keep a marriage together. If one side isnt working at it the relationship wont heal.
 
My friend, It's a rough thing to go through...

but life is too short to live in misery. I wish you luck and happiness.

Also, just so you know, though it's rough on them ..

the kids don't want you or their Mom to be unhappy either.

Communicate with them and often. Tell them what's up ..

and stay focused on their needs.

Good luck ..
 
Straight talk:

Sorry to hear this. I hope you have a good lawyer, because child support is a bitch. I estimate I have missed 80% of my oldest daughter's life, and it sucks, because now she is 15 and wants nothing to do with her dad. We were close she was a little girl, so doubly painful.

Apartment living sucks. No two ways around it. Being single is nice, but when I was in your shoes I couldn't enjoy it because I missed my kid so bad.

Get ready for bullshit from friends and relatives. My ex-wife was quite good at convincing a couple of my family members she was blameless (she wasn't, at all) and turned them against me. One was my sister and our relationship has been virtually non-existent since, other than me pretending I like her at family holidays.

You hear this a lot: keep the focus on the kids. It is easy in divorce to have them not be the center of your decision making from here on out.

Here's my email: tdc2112@gmail.com. If you need to vent fill free to email.
 
Must be doing it to everyone. Get the message everytime I post.

Have to click back through message board index.

Is this how topic view begins? Has peegs.com become senitent? Oh God, it's just like the beginning of Maximum Overdrive!
 
I'm not trying to judge you or tell you what you should do because the only thing I know about your marriage is what you just posted. But I found it odd that in a post about you telling your wife you want a divorce, you said that it is the first time in your life you haven't run from anything.
Again, I don't know any details about your marriage our what you have done over the past few months, but my advice based on your post would be to do a little introspection to make sure you aren't running from your marriage to avoid being real.
Posted from Rivals Mobile
 
Well, that's one potential outcome . . .

the fact that you've put on the table the level of your unhappiness could be either the end of the marriage or the beginning of a new one within the marriage you have.

MrsSope and I have been through these evolutions a few times . . . and once she got the idea that the crises were preludes to adjustments that could make things both better and workable, she's open to the open discussions . . . .

In any case, I wish all of you the best results possible, whichever direction this ends up going.

Oh, one piece of advice: if you split don't get emotionally invested with anybody for at least a couple of years . . . I'm not saying don't have an occasional one-night stand, just that rebound relationships are typically a bitch because they're based on the chick either being a replication of your wife or the polar opposite of your wife; either way it's the same criteria that didn't work the first time. So fully end the relationship with your wife first, and get your head straight before you start looking again.

This post was edited on 2/28 12:51 PM by Sope Creek
 
Of the 30 or so divorce cases per year that I handle

about 75% of the time the wife, even if she's a real dog, is shacking up prior to the
divorce finalization date with DJ or JD or Cletus or Rhonda or whomever and letting that
new paramour boss her kid(s) around as if he/she was her kid's new daddy.
 
Agreed.

People should be communicating before it reaches the level of crises That applies to a marriage, friendship, or any close relationship. Making a sudden, rash, and emotional decision is not effective communication, but is instead running away from a problem. Plus when other people are involved who depend upon you it's even more complicated. It's not all about you.

If it is, then go run off to Thailand and bang some whores and blow coke, and whatever else...
 
Agree....kids aren't happy

In a household where the parents aren't happy either. Every situation is different.
 
I owe you guys so much

The number of acronyms I look up because of you.....
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

IUNorth

My current take on Woody...version 173 or so...

Replies
215
Views
6K
TheHoosier.com IU Hoop Forum
ndhuntington
ndhuntington
C

How to salvage annoying and insulting (to my intelligence) commercials...

Replies
29
Views
618
The Water Cooler
Sope Creek
S
Hoopsdoc1978

So I just found out my daughters boyfriend

Replies
75
Views
1K
The Water Cooler
DANC
D
C

Is "True the Vote" another Smirnov about to make MAGA look duped?

Replies
0
Views
112
The Water Cooler
cosmickid
C
M

Farewell For A Three Year Tour.

Replies
48
Views
1K
The Water Cooler
larsIU
larsIU
ADVERTISEMENT

Latest posts

ADVERTISEMENT
Top Bottom
Back