So I just found out my daughters boyfriend

[Hoopsdoc1978]

Are they married? Doesn't really affect how you'll treat him, but just curious.

For my 2 cents, it's their life. Your daughter will no doubt appreciate your support, but realize it's their lives. They'll work it out.

But in private, I might tell him how badly he's stepped on his dick and that if he's any kind of man, he'll accept responsibility. I'd also suggest they go to counseling, if for no other reason than to figure out how to raise their son together without affecting him too much.

Not married. But they’ve been together for 4 years.

I thought he was a decent kid. He works hard, he’s got a good job, and he has always let her stay home with Tate, because that’s what she wanted. She quit her job to do that.

I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him or really even know exactly what happened. If it was a one time thing or what.

I just know she’s really really upset.

 

[BradStevens]

Not married. But they’ve been together for 4 years.

I thought he was a decent kid. He works hard, he’s got a good job, and he has always let her stay home with Tate, because that’s what she wanted. She quit her job to do that.

I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him or really even know exactly what happened. If it was a one time thing or what.

I just know she’s really really upset.

She in Indiana?

 

[Hoopsdoc1978]

She in Indiana?

Yeah. She lived in Muncie for a while when she went to Ball State but moved back here to Daviess County when she graduated.

 

[UncleMark]

Not married. But they’ve been together for 4 years.

I thought he was a decent kid. He works hard, he’s got a good job, and he has always let her stay home with Tate, because that’s what she wanted. She quit her job to do that.

I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him or really even know exactly what happened. If it was a one time thing or what.

I just know she’s really really upset.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sticking up for the kid or denigrating your daughter, but it might be wise to have a man to man talk and to get "his side" of the story. "Cheating" comes in many forms. Is it possible this isn't as bad as we're all assuming? There's a difference between texting with an old flame and banging one.

 

[Hoopsdoc1978]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sticking up for the kid or denigrating your daughter, but it might be wise to have a man to man talk and to get "his side" of the story. "Cheating" comes in many forms. Is it possible this isn't as bad as we're all assuming? There's a difference between texting with an old flame and banging one.

Yeah, you’re probably right. That’s kind of what I’ve been thinking.

The only thing she told us is that he cheated on her and that even though she loves him, she won’t let anyone walk all over her.

I’m seeing her this afternoon so I’ll know a little more then.

 

[BradStevens]

I mean, if you really want to put the fear of God into this kid, have him come on here and read McMurtry’s posts.

“Son, this is where your life is headed if you keep monkey branching. Obsessing over your ex stoker’s texts. Posting on internet message boards like a Boomer. Spending too much time at Starbucks. Is this what you want from your life?”

 

[mcmurtry66]

I mean, if you really want to put the fear of God into this kid, have him come on here and read McMurtry’s posts.

“Son, this is where your life is headed if you keep monkey branching. Obsessing over your ex stoker’s texts. Posting on internet message boards like a Boomer. Spending too much time at Starbucks. Is this what you want from your life?”

I could get REAL with that kid. @Hoopsdoc1978 comfort your daughter. Let her know you support whatever she decides but don’t get involved. Don’t talk to him.

 

[mcmurtry66]

I mean, if you really want to put the fear of God into this kid, have him come on here and read McMurtry’s posts.

“Son, this is where your life is headed if you keep monkey branching. Obsessing over your ex stoker’s texts. Posting on internet message boards like a Boomer. Spending too much time at Starbucks. Is this what you want from your life?”

I was friends with both of my outlaws fils. Same age son

 

[DANC]

Not married. But they’ve been together for 4 years.

I thought he was a decent kid. He works hard, he’s got a good job, and he has always let her stay home with Tate, because that’s what she wanted. She quit her job to do that.

I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him or really even know exactly what happened. If it was a one time thing or what.

I just know she’s really really upset.

They're so young. Without a marriage commitment, he probably didn't feel like he had to be faithful.

Seriously, I would recommend they go to counseling, even if she wants nothing more to do with him. They need to figure out how to parent Tate without putting him in the middle.

As hard as it is to do, I recommend staying out of it. If you get involved, chances are your daughter will end up blaming you for making it worse and the kid will resent it. Just be there for Tate - and I know you will. You will be his rock - he's going to need an example of how to be a man, and it doesn't sound like his dad will be a good one.

 

[Joe_Hoopsier]

Allow me to blow this shit up for just a minute.
The human male species is not designed to be monogamous. American culture has driven a social construct that is totally against male natural law. Prove me wrong by linking many nippleless boobs from the OTF. Please, provide many many link of those boobs.
Ya want to know why this is a male dominated society? It's because female society works every day to "not" change us, they just want us to be happy...... WELL unless that happiness is that sweet chick down the street, who just so happens to be above 18 ! ! ! ! ! and smokin hot smoke show material.
HUman males were genetically designed to breed...........Until the age of I can not stand my fvcking wife years old.
Then it falls to ... I''m pretty kool with a 401K and she just graduated high school. Collar flip, learn that wrap music... Score.

 

[mcmurtry66]

They're so young. Without a marriage commitment, he probably didn't feel like he had to be faithful.

Seriously, I would recommend they go to counseling, even if she wants nothing more to do with him. They need to figure out how to parent Tate without putting him in the middle.

As hard as it is to do, I recommend staying out of it. If you get involved, chances are your daughter will end up blaming you for making it worse and the kid will resent it. Just be there for Tate - and I know you will. You will be his rock - he's going to need an example of how to be a man, and it doesn't sound like his dad will be a good one.

Best advice in the thread - per usual

 

[UncleMark]

Seriously, I would recommend they go to counseling, even if she wants nothing more to do with him. They need to figure out how to parent Tate without putting him in the middle.

Smart. @Hoopsdoc1978 , if you want to help, pick up the tab for the counseling.

 

[mcmurtry66]

Smart. @Hoopsdoc1978 , if you want to help, pick up the tab for the counseling.

If he’s cheating already it doesn’t bode well for their future. Counseling or no counseling. Real crummy. Life isn’t easy

 

[UncleMark]

If he’s cheating already it doesn’t bode well for their future. Counseling or no counseling. Real crummy. Life isn’t easy

Good counseling would presumably help determine if there's anything to salvage or not. If not, then they can at least provide guidance on how to move forward with each of their lives while making the best of the situation for the child.

 

[Joe_Hoopsier]

Smart. @Hoopsdoc1978 , if you want to help, pick up the tab for the counseling.

Fvcking liberals always want conservatives to pay for the damage.
This is just sick @Unclemulmarky. BS.

 

[Joe_Hoopsier]

Good counseling would presumably help determine if there's anything to salvage or not. If not, then they can at least provide guidance on how to move forward with each of their lives while making the best of the situation for the child.

What Unkle BS mark is saying is that in the end, @Hoopsdoc1978 should pay an exit tax to his never officially had SIL before. It all comes down to someone else paying for other peoples problems.
@UncleMark Wanna go donate blood in Russia right now? It's the same bro.

 

[sglowrider]

It’s fine. Your daughter and her son can live with me. And I’ll pay for him. Is that what you’re asking? It’s fine

You may need to deal with Hoop's wife soon.

 

[sglowrider]

Yeah, you’re probably right. That’s kind of what I’ve been thinking.

The only thing she told us is that he cheated on her and that even though she loves him, she won’t let anyone walk all over her.

I’m seeing her this afternoon so I’ll know a little more then.

Nowadays texting is a form of cheating too.

It is tough to meet today's standards unless we all start to live in a cave.

Sucks.

 

[sglowrider]

Allow me to blow this shit up for just a minute.
The human male species is not designed to be monogamous. American culture has driven a social construct that is totally against male natural law. Prove me wrong by linking many nippleless boobs from the OTF. Please, provide many many link of those boobs.
Ya want to know why this is a male dominated society? It's because female society works every day to "not" change us, they just want us to be happy...... WELL unless that happiness is that sweet chick down the street, who just so happens to be above 18 ! ! ! ! ! and smokin hot smoke show material.
HUman males were genetically designed to breed...........Until the age of I can not stand my fvcking wife years old.
Then it falls to ... I''m pretty kool with a 401K and she just graduated high school. Collar flip, learn that wrap music... Score.

As they say, alcohol is the truth serum.

 

[Bloom.]

I can’t speak for her, but I think it’s complicated.

I know he loves her and I know he loves his son more than anything.

He just also happens to be a f*****g idiot.

To his credit, she just informed me that he agreed to move out for now and let her stay there with Tate so his world doesn’t get to disrupted.

I still want to strangle the fool though.

How did they meet?
How planned was this pregnancy?

Some of the non-serious (hopefully) advice you've gotten here doesn't seem to consider the harder you (all) make it on him, the harder it's likely going to be for your daughter and grandson. Not that there shouldn't be consequences.

Unplanned pregnancies can cause either party to feel trapped, more so men than women, but I've come across some pretty irresponsible mothers in my time of coaching. However, for me trust is hard to regain, and while I realize cheating is the symptom, he better have some pretty heavy remorse and have a reason other than feeling trapped. This seems pretty soon in their current situation for him to be pushed away.

There is no question he needs to have a chat with dad (you).

 

[DANC]

How did they meet?
How planned was this pregnancy?

Some of the non-serious (hopefully) advice you've gotten here doesn't seem to consider the harder you (all) make it on him, the harder it's likely going to be for your daughter and grandson. Not that there shouldn't be consequences.

Unplanned pregnancies can cause either party to feel trapped, more so men than women, but I've come across some pretty irresponsible mothers in my time of coaching. However, for me trust is hard to regain, and while I realize cheating is the symptom, he better have some pretty heavy remorse and have a reason other than feeling trapped. This seems pretty soon in their current situation for him to be pushed away.

There is no question he needs to have a chat with dad (you).

"Unplanned pregnancies can cause either party to feel trapped, more so men than women"

Congratulations on the most ridiculous statement ever made on theHoosier.

 

[Bloom.]

"Unplanned pregnancies can cause either party to feel trapped, more so men than women"

Congratulations on the most ridiculous statement ever made on theHoosier.

How so?

You're not stupid enough to think it's not true, are you?
You're not stupid enough to try and pass that off as if I was excusing it, are you?

 

[DANC]

How so?

You're not stupid enough to think it's not true, are you?
You're not stupid enough to try and pass that off as if I was excusing it, are you?

How many men do you know take care of their bastard child 24X7.

Yes, you did excuse it. If you think a man feels more trapped than a woman for the birth of a child, you're out of your mind. That woman will take care of her child the rest of her life and doesn't have a choice.

Get out of Carmel more.

 

[mcmurtry66]

How many men do you know take care of their bastard child 24X7.

Yes, you did excuse it. If you think a man feels more trapped than a woman for the birth of a child, you're out of your mind. That woman will take care of her child the rest of her life and doesn't have a choice.

Get out of Carmel more.

that's what i got me. a bastard. little bastard hit me with a shoe in the car this morning. turning that car seat around has made me a target

 

[DANC]

that's what i got me. a bastard. little bastard hit me with a shoe in the car this morning. turning that car seat around has made me a target

lol I didn't mean anything bad by that term. I probably should have said illegitimate child.

 

[mcmurtry66]

lol I didn't mean anything bad by that term. I probably should have said illegitimate child.

he is a little bastard. yesterday he hid a pancake wedge w/ syrup in his pocket. as we were driving it landed and stuck to the back of my neck. NOOOOOOOOOO PANCAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! two doughnuts peeeeeeeeeeeeeez da da

 

[All4You]

he is a little bastard. yesterday he hid a pancake wedge w/ syrup in his pocket. as we were driving it landed and stuck to the back of my neck. NOOOOOOOOOO PANCAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! two doughnuts peeeeeeeeeeeeeez da da

Find yourself a 20 something doughnut shop girl to be his new mommy. 2 Birds and all that...

 

[Joe_Hoopsier]

Find yourself a 20 something doughnut shop girl to be his new mommy. 2 Birds and all that...

AHHH the elusive ole Doughnut Hole.

 

[DANC]

he is a little bastard. yesterday he hid a pancake wedge w/ syrup in his pocket. as we were driving it landed and stuck to the back of my neck. NOOOOOOOOOO PANCAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! two doughnuts peeeeeeeeeeeeeez da da

I'd love to meet that kid some day. Bring him to an IU game.

We took my 2 year old granddaughter (2 months shy of 3) to an IU BB game after visiting the Indy Children's Museum. It had been a long day and, as we were leaving AH at about 9:30, she said "What's next, guys?". I said "Let's go to Nick's!". She was out before we got out of the parking lot. lol

 

[NPT]

They have a son together who is the light of my world. I love that kid like crazy. He’s 11 months old and he is an absolute gem. Just the light of my life.

We have a 3 year old granddaughter and a one year old grandson.... I know exactly where you're coming from,

 

[mcmurtry66]

I'd love to meet that kid some day. Bring him to an IU game.

We took my 2 year old granddaughter (2 months shy of 3) to an IU BB game after visiting the Indy Children's Museum. It had been a long day and, as we were leaving AH at about 9:30, she said "What's next, guys?". I said "Let's go to Nick's!". She was out before we got out of the parking lot. lol

wow! that's a big day! grandparents went all out!!!!!!!!!! yeah he's something else. my daughter has a big personality and attitude but she's truly been a perfect kid. no terrible twos. nothing. this little guy. man. at any moment a switch can flip and damnnnnnnnn. he does seem to be growing out of it a bit but it's not for the faint of heart when it hits

 

[DANC]

wow! that's a big day! grandparents went all out!!!!!!!!!! yeah he's something else. my daughter has a big personality and attitude but she's truly been a perfect kid. no terrible twos. nothing. this little guy. man. at any moment a switch can flip and damnnnnnnnn. he does seem to be growing out of it a bit but it's not for the faint of heart when it hits

My grandson is 2 and he's like that. I just laugh at him. His sister's fits used to bother me, but she's almost 5 now and is over that, although she does get upset when she has to share with her brother. lol

Enjoy these years. He'll be your little buddy for a long time.

 

[NPT]

It’s fine. Your daughter and her son can live with me. And I’ll pay for him. Is that what you’re asking? It’s fine

You're getting nuttier by the day.

Why does your daughter have a child out of wedlock?

Yeah, I wonder how that happened.

 

[Bloom.]

How many men do you know take care of their bastard child 24X7.

Yes, you did excuse it. If you think a man feels more trapped than a woman for the birth of a child, you're out of your mind. That woman will take care of her child the rest of her life and doesn't have a choice.

Get out of Carmel more.

I didn't remotely excuse it. I'm talking about reasons for cheating. Reasons to do harm to a relationship. That's not to excuse it. It's to paint motive behind it. I knew it went over your head.


I know of a lot of single male parents. Get out of your dying town more.

 

[mattndallas]

Find yourself a 20 something doughnut shop girl to be his new mommy. 2 Birds and all that...

They already made the movie...

 

[DANC]

I didn't remotely excuse it. I'm talking about reasons for cheating. Reasons to do harm to a relationship. That's not to excuse it. It's to paint motive behind it. I knew it went over your head.


I know of a lot of single male parents. Get out of your dying town more.

I live in Charlotte. It's not Carmel-by-the-Cornfield.