Flappers
Phones screwed into walls/rotary phones
Belgian social clubs
Italian social clubs
German American Bund campgrounds
Hot plates
Blackboards
Violins
Non-tattooed people
McDonald’s Playplaces
Anne Heche
Rabbit-eared televisions
Televisions built into rich, solid wood cabinets
Guillotines
Grandfather clocks
Men who know how to knot a tie
Intercity bus stations
“Bloom County”
Dukes of St. George
Bewigged judges (east of the Mississippi only)
Jarts
High quality professional dominatrices
Smokestacks
Yugos
Apple IIe’s
Peasants with sickles working the fields
Those TV dinners that took an hour
Saccharine cubes
A lot of cats
IUT
Block after block of bungalows
Pamphlets denouncing the King of Mexico
Daguerreotype studios
Massacres of Huguenots
TGIF lineup on ABC
North American Soccer League trading cards
Tupperware parties your grandma hosts
Saddle shoes
Cocker spaniels
Endless acres of aerials as you ride the train into Chicago
Esperanto congresses
Barbers doubling as the town surgeon
Lovers of Sturm und Drang
Hi-heel sneakers
Guys named Leroy and Gary
Metal ice cube trays
Burger Chef
“Night Court” reruns
Switches, straight off the tree
Emme the plus-size supermodel
Radio repair shops
Fulsome bushes, like a nice boxwood or something
Wallpaper
Basil Fawlty
Bench seats
Lotus 1-2-3 spreadsheets
45’s (and 78’s!)
Wrist sweatbands
Red stripe wide ovals
Dollar hot dogs and dollar beers at the ballpark
Lou Christie LP’s in the cutout bin of the music counter at the department store downtown
Thoroughly convinced Cartesians
Japanese cars made in Japan, dammit
Old Stuckey’s that *haven’t* been converted to “adult superstores”
Swaggering, alcoholic Britpop bands
Well-annotated and affordable editions of Faulkner’s novels
Arthur Treacher’s Fish and Chips
Aluminum pitcher and tumbler sets
Al Green’s Drive In
Albums with titles like “Al Green Gets Next To You”
Spam with the twist key
Pull-top tabs on beer and pop cans
Pepsi Free
Nice photos of Alan Greenspan
Mason’s Root Beer or Choc-Ola in the old returnable glass bottles
Kids who know cursive
Lowenbrau
Do they still make Blatz?
Good Voltron
Marty Stauffer’s Wild Kingdom
“Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom”
The gum from a pack of baseball cards
Ditchweed
Honey Brown
Killian’s Irish Red
Pool hustlers
Pool halls for the working class
Candace Cameron
Humorous applications of the word “boner”
Marxist-Leninist-Stalinists
Alan Thicke (R.I.P.)
Robin Thicke
A really top notch tobacconist
Shoeshine stands in airports and bank lobbies
Movie series about bloodthirsty midgets
Dialup internet
Socks the cat (R.I.P.)
Any of Kim Jong Un’s - and the Korean people’s - many, many enemies
Pay phones
Pay toilets
Karen Carpenter (true both before and after her death)
C-$
SchrockStar
Queen of the Sea 24-Hour Buffeteria (Stony Island Avenue, Chicago)
Emilio Estevez’s career
“The National”
Cute girls reading Kipling on the bus
Newport ads in “Sports Illustrated”
Chicks in overalls (real farmer ones, not fashion designer crap)
Block I’s
Crimson bison
Hitchhiking hippies
Criminals forced to clean highway trash
Drummers in red leather suits and skinny ties
Shave and a haircut two bits
The regrettable Sam Wyche era IU football styles
A 50%+ three-point-shooting Hoosier
Old fashioned 4-ply toilet paper like Grandpa used to weave
Jimmy’s mom (?)
A ballot the Socialist Workers Party manages to sneak a candidate onto
“I Can’t Believe It’s Not Transfat!”
Macarena
Acid-washed jeans
“Desuetude” used properly in a sentence
51/49 beef at the butcher
“CARtoons”
Dogs without a trace of pit bull blood
Dutch royal family action figures
Odes on the Hoover Factory
Good taste in upper-upper-middle-class housing
Richard Simmons showing up at malls
The VHS tapes I used to fill with “The Three Stooges” and late late night HBO and Showtime super soft core back in junior high I wonder whatever happened to
Geranium dainties
Memorized phone numbers
Häagen-Dazs Honey Vanilla, the dirty ****ers
Kids who answer to “Timmy”
Chickens loaded up on antibiotics
Gondola traffic on the White River
Songs about fairies and gnomes and shit
Macramé plant hangers
Bead doors, while we’re at it
B-36’s
Aunts who remember the first time they saw a car
VESUVIAN INTERLUDE
Outhouse
Hand pumps for kitchen water
IBM typewriters
Typewriters
Home answering machines
Telephone party lines
Big V-8 engines with a lot of power
Cars simple enough he, as a teenager, could change engines, transmissions, brakes, etc.
Hand crank ice cream machines
Shag carpet
Velvet wallpaper in bathrooms
Hardwood floors that need to be hand waxed with paste wax
Segways
Weekends spent at The Patch
Hair like Porter Wagoner
Suits he owned that still smell like him
The 45th parallel
Garbage bags full of porno out in fields
Ceramic Dalmatians for purchase on “Wheel of Fortune”
The term “lady love”
East Prussia
Shellacked things
Hare Krishnas down in the subway
Parks you’re not scared to be in
Starving Artist Sale This Weekend Only!
Backyard gardens from anyone 40 or younger
Topol
Kenny Rogers cassette tapes
Brown vans
Roller skaters on city sidewalks
Young boys named Fig
Country clubs centered on a bowling alley
Chest hair replacement programs
Susan Powter infomercials
Libraries with copies of “Gnomes”
Opium dens
HOOKY’S COMMUNICATION CODA
MCI phone cards
GTE phone bags
SI football phones
Drive up pay phones
External antennas for mounted car phones
Beepers
Phones screwed into walls/rotary phones
Belgian social clubs
Italian social clubs
German American Bund campgrounds
Hot plates
Blackboards
Violins
Non-tattooed people
McDonald’s Playplaces
Anne Heche
Rabbit-eared televisions
Televisions built into rich, solid wood cabinets
Guillotines
Grandfather clocks
Men who know how to knot a tie
Intercity bus stations
“Bloom County”
Dukes of St. George
Bewigged judges (east of the Mississippi only)
Jarts
High quality professional dominatrices
Smokestacks
Yugos
Apple IIe’s
Peasants with sickles working the fields
Those TV dinners that took an hour
Saccharine cubes
A lot of cats
IUT
Block after block of bungalows
Pamphlets denouncing the King of Mexico
Daguerreotype studios
Massacres of Huguenots
TGIF lineup on ABC
North American Soccer League trading cards
Tupperware parties your grandma hosts
Saddle shoes
Cocker spaniels
Endless acres of aerials as you ride the train into Chicago
Esperanto congresses
Barbers doubling as the town surgeon
Lovers of Sturm und Drang
Hi-heel sneakers
Guys named Leroy and Gary
Metal ice cube trays
Burger Chef
“Night Court” reruns
Switches, straight off the tree
Emme the plus-size supermodel
Radio repair shops
Fulsome bushes, like a nice boxwood or something
Wallpaper
Basil Fawlty
Bench seats
Lotus 1-2-3 spreadsheets
45’s (and 78’s!)
Wrist sweatbands
Red stripe wide ovals
Dollar hot dogs and dollar beers at the ballpark
Lou Christie LP’s in the cutout bin of the music counter at the department store downtown
Thoroughly convinced Cartesians
Japanese cars made in Japan, dammit
Old Stuckey’s that *haven’t* been converted to “adult superstores”
Swaggering, alcoholic Britpop bands
Well-annotated and affordable editions of Faulkner’s novels
Arthur Treacher’s Fish and Chips
Aluminum pitcher and tumbler sets
Al Green’s Drive In
Albums with titles like “Al Green Gets Next To You”
Spam with the twist key
Pull-top tabs on beer and pop cans
Pepsi Free
Nice photos of Alan Greenspan
Mason’s Root Beer or Choc-Ola in the old returnable glass bottles
Kids who know cursive
Lowenbrau
Do they still make Blatz?
Good Voltron
Marty Stauffer’s Wild Kingdom
“Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom”
The gum from a pack of baseball cards
Ditchweed
Honey Brown
Killian’s Irish Red
Pool hustlers
Pool halls for the working class
Candace Cameron
Humorous applications of the word “boner”
Marxist-Leninist-Stalinists
Alan Thicke (R.I.P.)
Robin Thicke
A really top notch tobacconist
Shoeshine stands in airports and bank lobbies
Movie series about bloodthirsty midgets
Dialup internet
Socks the cat (R.I.P.)
Any of Kim Jong Un’s - and the Korean people’s - many, many enemies
Pay phones
Pay toilets
Karen Carpenter (true both before and after her death)
C-$
SchrockStar
Queen of the Sea 24-Hour Buffeteria (Stony Island Avenue, Chicago)
Emilio Estevez’s career
“The National”
Cute girls reading Kipling on the bus
Newport ads in “Sports Illustrated”
Chicks in overalls (real farmer ones, not fashion designer crap)
Block I’s
Crimson bison
Hitchhiking hippies
Criminals forced to clean highway trash
Drummers in red leather suits and skinny ties
Shave and a haircut two bits
The regrettable Sam Wyche era IU football styles
A 50%+ three-point-shooting Hoosier
Old fashioned 4-ply toilet paper like Grandpa used to weave
Jimmy’s mom (?)
A ballot the Socialist Workers Party manages to sneak a candidate onto
“I Can’t Believe It’s Not Transfat!”
Macarena
Acid-washed jeans
“Desuetude” used properly in a sentence
51/49 beef at the butcher
“CARtoons”
Dogs without a trace of pit bull blood
Dutch royal family action figures
Odes on the Hoover Factory
Good taste in upper-upper-middle-class housing
Richard Simmons showing up at malls
The VHS tapes I used to fill with “The Three Stooges” and late late night HBO and Showtime super soft core back in junior high I wonder whatever happened to
Geranium dainties
Memorized phone numbers
Häagen-Dazs Honey Vanilla, the dirty ****ers
Kids who answer to “Timmy”
Chickens loaded up on antibiotics
Gondola traffic on the White River
Songs about fairies and gnomes and shit
Macramé plant hangers
Bead doors, while we’re at it
B-36’s
Aunts who remember the first time they saw a car
VESUVIAN INTERLUDE
Outhouse
Hand pumps for kitchen water
IBM typewriters
Typewriters
Home answering machines
Telephone party lines
Big V-8 engines with a lot of power
Cars simple enough he, as a teenager, could change engines, transmissions, brakes, etc.
Hand crank ice cream machines
Shag carpet
Velvet wallpaper in bathrooms
Hardwood floors that need to be hand waxed with paste wax
Segways
Weekends spent at The Patch
Hair like Porter Wagoner
Suits he owned that still smell like him
The 45th parallel
Garbage bags full of porno out in fields
Ceramic Dalmatians for purchase on “Wheel of Fortune”
The term “lady love”
East Prussia
Shellacked things
Hare Krishnas down in the subway
Parks you’re not scared to be in
Starving Artist Sale This Weekend Only!
Backyard gardens from anyone 40 or younger
Topol
Kenny Rogers cassette tapes
Brown vans
Roller skaters on city sidewalks
Young boys named Fig
Country clubs centered on a bowling alley
Chest hair replacement programs
Susan Powter infomercials
Libraries with copies of “Gnomes”
Opium dens
HOOKY’S COMMUNICATION CODA
MCI phone cards
GTE phone bags
SI football phones
Drive up pay phones
External antennas for mounted car phones
Beepers
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