So, another update for you all. I’m sure you just couldn’t wait! I’ve met with two different attorneys to be prepared if needed and educate myself. I’ve made progress with my own therapist but I’ve found a psychiatrist on the north side that has really helped me a ton. Since I haven’t spent much time on the board of late I can’t recall everything I’ve shared. When I was 19 I finally was diagnosed with ADD which explained much. None of those meds have ever worked though. In fact they made me very jittery. I’ve also been on anti-depressants. Well this new doctor has finally decided many of my behaviors are consistent with a Bi-Polar diagnosis. So apparently the use of anti-depressants which I’ve been on for years can shift someone that’s bi-polar from depressed to manic. Obviously lately I’ve been quite depressed but historically speaking I’ve been like a roller coaster. So we decided to give lithium a shot and slowly lower my Wellbutrin which I’ve actually loved. I honestly couldn’t tell much but I wasn’t really at a therapeutic level yet. It didn’t matter though. When you take lithium you have to routinely check your blood work. It was clearly messing with my kidney numbers at a small dosage. So now I’m on depakote which is mostly used for epilepsy and I’ve seen a HUGE change. Look getting that diagnosis SUCKS but if it helps to finding the right med it’s more than worth it! You’ll have to trust me on that part.
So sorry for that long story, but I felt it was necessary. Until I started taking depakote I’ve only been willing to work on myself through therapy. I didn’t feel the energy or even willingness to suggest anything other than I had checked out on my marriage.
So I’ve also started to look for employment after 16 years of being a stay at home dad. It’s been an amazing job to be with my girls but in the next two years 2 of 3 will be im college. Regardless of reconciliation I have to figure a way of “filling my cup”. I’m working on that now.
I’ve realized though that to complete my recovery, and to continue to grow its best to be with those who have ever loved me the most. Thursday night my wife and I had a counseling session for the first time was more about us than just me. So tonight I’m taking my wife out for dinner. Nothing too fancy or cheap, just a casual dinner.
Sorry for the long post…In many ways this is like journaling for me.