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Mississippi bill would criminalize masturbation (unless you wear a condom)

Noodle

Noodle

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Jun 19, 2001
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AN ACT TO ENACT THE CONTRACEPTION BEGINS AT ERECTION ACT; TO DEFINE TERMS; TO PROVIDE THAT IT SHALL BE UNLAWFUL FOR A PERSON TO DISCHARGE GENETIC MATERIAL WITHOUT THE INTENT TO FERTILIZE AN EMBRYO; TO PROVIDE FOR CRIMINAL PENALTIES; TO PROVIDE CERTAIN EXCEPTIONS; AND FOR RELATED PURPOSES.

BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF MISSISSIPPI:

SECTION 1. (1) This section shall be known and may be cited as the "Contraception Begins at Erection Act."

(2) It shall be unlawful for a person to discharge genetic material without the intent to fertilize an embryo.

(3) Upon conviction of a violation of this section, a person shall be fined:

(a) One Thousand Dollars ($1000.00) for a first offense;

(b) Five Thousand Dollars ($5000.00) for a second offense; and

(c) Ten Thousand Dollars (10,000.00) for a third or subsequent offense.

(4) This section shall not apply to the discharge of genetic material:

(a) Donated or sold to a facility for the purpose of future procedures to fertilize an embryo; and

(b) Discharged with the use of a contraceptive or contraceptive method intended to prevent fertilization of an embryo.

SECTION 2. This act shall take effect and be in force from and after July 1, 2025.

 
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Noodle said:
AN ACT TO ENACT THE CONTRACEPTION BEGINS AT ERECTION ACT; TO DEFINE TERMS; TO PROVIDE THAT IT SHALL BE UNLAWFUL FOR A PERSON TO DISCHARGE GENETIC MATERIAL WITHOUT THE INTENT TO FERTILIZE AN EMBRYO; TO PROVIDE FOR CRIMINAL PENALTIES; TO PROVIDE CERTAIN EXCEPTIONS; AND FOR RELATED PURPOSES.

BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF MISSISSIPPI:

SECTION 1. (1) This section shall be known and may be cited as the "Contraception Begins at Erection Act."

(2) It shall be unlawful for a person to discharge genetic material without the intent to fertilize an embryo.

(3) Upon conviction of a violation of this section, a person shall be fined:

(a) One Thousand Dollars ($1000.00) for a first offense;

(b) Five Thousand Dollars ($5000.00) for a second offense; and

(c) Ten Thousand Dollars (10,000.00) for a third or subsequent offense.

(4) This section shall not apply to the discharge of genetic material:

(a) Donated or sold to a facility for the purpose of future procedures to fertilize an embryo; and

(b) Discharged with the use of a contraceptive or contraceptive method intended to prevent fertilization of an embryo.

SECTION 2. This act shall take effect and be in force from and after July 1, 2025.

Click to expand...
@Joe_Hoopsier isn’t MS where you have your getaway house? You better watch those exes. Snitchin
 
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Noodle said:
AN ACT TO ENACT THE CONTRACEPTION BEGINS AT ERECTION ACT; TO DEFINE TERMS; TO PROVIDE THAT IT SHALL BE UNLAWFUL FOR A PERSON TO DISCHARGE GENETIC MATERIAL WITHOUT THE INTENT TO FERTILIZE AN EMBRYO; TO PROVIDE FOR CRIMINAL PENALTIES; TO PROVIDE CERTAIN EXCEPTIONS; AND FOR RELATED PURPOSES.

BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF MISSISSIPPI:

SECTION 1. (1) This section shall be known and may be cited as the "Contraception Begins at Erection Act."

(2) It shall be unlawful for a person to discharge genetic material without the intent to fertilize an embryo.

(3) Upon conviction of a violation of this section, a person shall be fined:

(a) One Thousand Dollars ($1000.00) for a first offense;

(b) Five Thousand Dollars ($5000.00) for a second offense; and

(c) Ten Thousand Dollars (10,000.00) for a third or subsequent offense.

(4) This section shall not apply to the discharge of genetic material:

(a) Donated or sold to a facility for the purpose of future procedures to fertilize an embryo; and

(b) Discharged with the use of a contraceptive or contraceptive method intended to prevent fertilization of an embryo.

SECTION 2. This act shall take effect and be in force from and after July 1, 2025.

Click to expand...
I cant afford $10,000 a week.
 
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Noodle said:
AN ACT TO ENACT THE CONTRACEPTION BEGINS AT ERECTION ACT; TO DEFINE TERMS; TO PROVIDE THAT IT SHALL BE UNLAWFUL FOR A PERSON TO DISCHARGE GENETIC MATERIAL WITHOUT THE INTENT TO FERTILIZE AN EMBRYO; TO PROVIDE FOR CRIMINAL PENALTIES; TO PROVIDE CERTAIN EXCEPTIONS; AND FOR RELATED PURPOSES.

BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF MISSISSIPPI:

SECTION 1. (1) This section shall be known and may be cited as the "Contraception Begins at Erection Act."

(2) It shall be unlawful for a person to discharge genetic material without the intent to fertilize an embryo.

(3) Upon conviction of a violation of this section, a person shall be fined:

(a) One Thousand Dollars ($1000.00) for a first offense;

(b) Five Thousand Dollars ($5000.00) for a second offense; and

(c) Ten Thousand Dollars (10,000.00) for a third or subsequent offense.

(4) This section shall not apply to the discharge of genetic material:

(a) Donated or sold to a facility for the purpose of future procedures to fertilize an embryo; and

(b) Discharged with the use of a contraceptive or contraceptive method intended to prevent fertilization of an embryo.

SECTION 2. This act shall take effect and be in force from and after July 1, 2025.

Click to expand...

Oh, it also appears that you would be OK to spank your monkey in Mississippi if you have had a vasectomy.

Queery: does a pull-out count as a "contraceptive method"? It doesn't say the method has to have a certain level of efficacy.
 
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What about a wet dream? Are you safe if, in your dream, you are trying to procreate?

And menopausal women will march on the capital if this goes anywhere. They're screwed...er, no, they can't be screwed - unless by a man who (a) does not know they're menopausal and (b) is attempting to procreate.
 
The Original Happy Goat said:
Five bucks says you've previously introduced at least one of these Bosnians as "my business associate."
Click to expand...
Many years ago I was at the titty bar after golf with a big group and we went into the vip room and there was this very well known judge, really intimidating guy, at the end of the room with a stripper sitting on each leg tugging on his nipples. Was awful. I immediately turned around only to hear COUNSELOR. COUNSELOR. you see me I see you

Was payback. Years before my friends and I were at this place called blue martini in west palm and mark McGwire was in the back with two chicks on his knees and they were tugging on his nips. I told my friends watch how bad I piss him off. I went over there shouting BIG MAC OH MY GOD IM FROM SAINT LOUIS IM A HUGE FAN super loud 🤣
 
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im horny jack nicholson GIF
 
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mcmurtry66 said:
Many years ago I was at the titty bar after golf with a big group and we went into the vip room and there was this very well known judge, really intimidating guy, at the end of the room with a stripper sitting on each leg tugging on his nipples. Was awful. I immediately turned around only to hear COUNSELOR. COUNSELOR. you see me I see you

Was payback. Years before my friends and I were at this place called blue martini in west palm and mark McGwire was in the back with two chicks on his knees and they were tugging on his nips. I told my friends watch how bad I piss him off. I went over there shouting BIG MAC OH MY GOD IM FROM SAINT LOUIS IM A HUGE FAN super loud 🤣
Click to expand...

You've never experienced a good strip club until you get a dance from a one legged stripper that has to ask for money to play in the juke box.
 
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mcmurtry66 said:
I have a feeling they’re all pretty rough these days
Click to expand...
About 10 years ago, me and 3 of my work buddies went to one in Tucson. 3 of us went to the individual VIP rooms to interview the entertainers, 3 songs for $40. When the songs were over, the interviewee said that'll be $150. It happened to all 3 of us. Of course we said hell no.
So as we return to the front pew, close to the stage, out trots the manager and 2 of his buddies to get us to pay. Through tense negotiations the mngr says we will get our $. We have cameras in the parking lot and we will put a mechanics lean on your car. In my wise beyond my years legal mind, I told him that would be just perfect........... It's not my car!
To wit, the one guy that didn't go to the VIP rooms, said "HEYYYYYYYYY, I'm the one ho drove!!!" :)
We all got kicked out. (the smuck that drove, whos dad was a multi millionaire doctor in Dubai, went back in a paid for all of us, puzzy). :)
 
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Joe_Hoopsier said:
About 10 years ago, me and 3 of my work buddies went to one in Tucson. 3 of us went to the individual VIP rooms to interview the entertainers, 3 songs for $40. When the songs were over, the interviewee said that'll be $150. It happened to all 3 of us. Of course we said hell no.
So as we return to the front pew, close to the stage, out trots the manager and 2 of his buddies to get us to pay. Through tense negotiations the mngr says we will get our $. We have cameras in the parking lot and we will put a mechanics lean on your car. In my wise beyond my years legal mind, I told him that would be just perfect........... It's not my car!
To wit, the one guy that didn't go to the VIP rooms, said "HEYYYYYYYYY, I'm the one ho drove!!!" :)
We all got kicked out. (the smuck that drove, whos dad was a multi millionaire doctor in Dubai, went back in a paid for all of us, puzzy). :)
Click to expand...
Fantastic!!! I went with a bunch of cops to Memphis years ago. Horrible place. Private area was upstairs. Cop buddy passed out and the stripper kept sitting with him. Song after song. Wanted $900 bucks from him. Told her to go get the bouncers. He’s not paying. Army of bouncers and cops squared off. Was like road house
 
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mcmurtry66 said:
Fantastic!!! I went with a bunch of cops to Memphis years ago. Horrible place. Private area was upstairs. Cop buddy passed out and the stripper kept sitting with him. Song after song. Wanted $900 bucks from him. Told her to go get the bouncers. He’s not paying. Army of bouncers and cops squared off. Was like road house
Click to expand...
after some depos in Denver, all of us went to Sid Kings to watch the Colorado Ballet.

Nothing happened.

www.westword.com

Five Facts About Colfax's "Sultan of Striptease," the Legendary Sid King

The diminutive Sid King was the giant personality behind Sid King’s Crazy Horse Bar, a famous strip club that graced East Colfax Avenue for more than 35 years. This Saturday, August 7, at the Studio Loft of the Ellie Caulkins Opera House, King’s son Mike will present The Fifth Dentist...
www.westword.com www.westword.com
 
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Noodle said:
AN ACT TO ENACT THE CONTRACEPTION BEGINS AT ERECTION ACT; TO DEFINE TERMS; TO PROVIDE THAT IT SHALL BE UNLAWFUL FOR A PERSON TO DISCHARGE GENETIC MATERIAL WITHOUT THE INTENT TO FERTILIZE AN EMBRYO; TO PROVIDE FOR CRIMINAL PENALTIES; TO PROVIDE CERTAIN EXCEPTIONS; AND FOR RELATED PURPOSES.

BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF MISSISSIPPI:

SECTION 1. (1) This section shall be known and may be cited as the "Contraception Begins at Erection Act."

(2) It shall be unlawful for a person to discharge genetic material without the intent to fertilize an embryo.

(3) Upon conviction of a violation of this section, a person shall be fined:

(a) One Thousand Dollars ($1000.00) for a first offense;

(b) Five Thousand Dollars ($5000.00) for a second offense; and

(c) Ten Thousand Dollars (10,000.00) for a third or subsequent offense.

(4) This section shall not apply to the discharge of genetic material:

(a) Donated or sold to a facility for the purpose of future procedures to fertilize an embryo; and

(b) Discharged with the use of a contraceptive or contraceptive method intended to prevent fertilization of an embryo.

SECTION 2. This act shall take effect and be in force from and after July 1, 2025.

Click to expand...

In my younger days as a devout Catholic I recall masturbation was a venial sin akin to disobeying your parents. By comparison a mortal sin was missing Mass on Sunday or murder.

Remember a family dinner with the local priest attending.

Adult drinks were flowing. My uncle asked the priest where he stood on masturbation given a priest couldn't marry.

We all laughed including the priest.
 
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hoot1 said:
In my younger days as a devout Catholic I recall masturbation was a venial sin akin to disobeying your parents. By comparison a mortal sin was missing Mass on Sunday or murder.

Remember a family dinner with the local priest attending.

Adult drinks were flowing. My uncle asked the priest where he stood on masturbation given a priest couldn't marry.

We all laughed including the priest.
Click to expand...
13 years of catholic school hoot. Served mass twice a week during that entire time. 6 am mass. Dead of winter. My edibles guy buddy and I walked!! Met at the train tracks at 5:40 am.

Were you there when they crucified my lord. I was there when they crucified my lord.

Stations of the cross. Hand the 150lb cross to a 75lb kid to hold it for five hours going station to station

Dropped my daughter off for school at 8:30 this morning and the kid in front of her was literally wearing pajamas. He had on pajamas and crocks. At 8:30. Hair unkept. Flow was sick. But still
 
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mcmurtry66 said:
13 years of catholic school hoot. Served mass twice a week during that entire time. 6 am mass. Dead of winter. My edibles guy buddy and I walked!! Met at the train tracks at 5:40 am.

Were you there when they crucified my lord. I was there when they crucified my lord.

Stations of the cross. Hand the 150lb cross to a 75lb kid to hold it for five hours going station to station

Dropped my daughter off for school at 8:30 this morning and the kid in front of her was literally wearing pajamas. He had on pajamas and crocks. At 8:30. Hair unkept. Flow was sick. But still
Click to expand...

MM66, my parents allowed me to attend public schools. Surprised to find out later in life this was considered a mortal sin. Was thankful they honored my wishes.

Did attend a Catholic school for a day which the public schools sanctioned for all kids from all religions who opted to do so.

Spending the day under the strict guidance of the Nuns was not fun.

MM66, having tasted one day of the Catholic boot camp was enough for me. Admire your tenacity.
 
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hoot1 said:
MM66, my parents allowed me to attend public schools. Surprised to find out later in life this was considered a mortal sin. Was thankful they honored my wishes.

Did attend a Catholic school for a day which the public schools sanctioned for all kids from all religions who opted to do so.

Spending the day under the strict guidance of the Nuns was not fun.

MM66, having tasted one day of the Catholic boot camp was enough for me. Admire your tenacity.
Click to expand...
It was good hoot. Looking back I really loved all the trappings of catholic school and church. The holidays. Mass. Something bigger. Was really good stuff. I used to have soccer practice at cardinal dolan’s seminary. Catholicism is big here

The scandal with the Catholic Church really bothered me.
 
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Funny how a thread about a bill making masturbation illegal went to strip clubs (and tittie twisting!) to Catholic schools, all in the blink of an eye. You people are all perverts.
 
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Noodle said:
Funny how a thread about a bill making masturbation illegal went to strip clubs (and tittie twisting!) to Catholic schools, all in the blink of an eye. You people are all perverts.
Click to expand...

Having been charged as a pervert for my comments about the proposed "Erection Act", I plead guilty.

A possible sentence might be to spend time at either one of the strip clubs mentioned in the thread, a Catholic school as chosen by MM66, or be subject to a nipple twisting.
 
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