There are two problems here. First, people instinctively assume that those who harm them do so intentionally. This is an emotional reaction. If someone trips and hits us our initial reaction is often anger at the person for hitting us. Some people are capable of moderating that emotion with reason and recognizing when the blow was unintentional. Some aren't. The second problem is harder. Many people feel extreme emotional hatred directed at those who are, in fact, trying to harm them. Controlling those feelings is central to responding properly to such people--as anyone with military training knows. This is also the problem that many minorities have had to endure in pretty much every place and time. Think of Dr. King and the civil rights movement responding to those who quite literally meant to destroy them. This is also a problem for women who must often deal with people e.g., rapists and abusers who mean them harm.
Overall, the relatively powerless, are going to do better in terms of reacting to both situations by virtue of being forced to control their emotions while dealing with harms done by the indifference of the powerful and through the experience of being under actual attack. The relatively powerful much less so. The Republicans, as the party of the empowered, regularly screw this up more often than the Dems. But everyone is human.
