Check - check one two -- this damn thing on?
Fantastic. Glad to be here -- thank you all for joining me. This time of the year is family time for you guys, but let's be realistic - your wife's never going to believe two months from now that those 2 AM calls from a blocked number are just Tom setting up an impromptu presser. Dog. House. AmIRight?
We've got a big season coming up this fall, as you media types know. But before you can look ahead, you have to look back, so let's take a quick look at
. Look closely there and you'll see the exact moment we lost Nate - led to a tough year for us, but one where we showed a lot of potential.
But I'm tremendously excited to be back for another fall here - I think we've got a chance to do something real special. There are obviously some challenges - there always are. We've currently got a lion cub and the secretary from the International Aid office penciled in at Cornerback (she's inexperienced, but gritty), so pass defense is going to be an area to improve. But we're all about setting reasonable expectations here, so when you open up the media guide to the defensive backs section, you'll see
. We've also got an offer from ServPro to sponsor the break between the third and fourth quarter, so Fred's picked us up a new hot tub for the coaches lounge. Always looking for another revenue stream, another opportunity to get better as a coaching staff.
People ask me about the pressure that we're feeling as a coaching staff going into this year. You might have seen a few articles putting me on some kind of a hot seat.
Really, though, I've never been more relaxed in my life. Losing season every year since I've been here, and most of the fanbase is still talking extensions for four, five years. Beat Georgiana State Tech, North Central, and Purdue, and you lot are talking progress. I had Walter White starting at strong safety last year, and you guys called me "tough on crime." Sweet gig, right?
Point is though, I think we'll f*** some sh*t up this year, and here's why. Our schedule's easy. You heard me - it's easy. Doesn't matter that we're playing a 5-week-old puggle and your Asian-looking aunt at cornerback -- we're going to win, and win big. Freddie, throw up the powerpoint.
Southern Illinois - Our first opponent will be a real test, but it's one I'm excited about - my first car was a Sidekick, so I've got a long history with the Suzukis. *Fred Glass walks up hurriedly*.... I've just been informed that we're playing the Salukis, and they are not connected in any way to the Japanese carmaker. My bad. Can someone get on the horn and find out what the hell a Saluki is?
Florida International - Used to be Howard Schnellenberger's stomping grounds. Guy named TY Hilton played for them a few years back, so they've got some talent. But last year, FIU lost to every team on their schedule not named Southern Miss, and put up two touchdowns or more exactly twice, while playing in the Conference USA. If we lose this game at home, I'll run my own a** out of town.
Western Kentucky - No doubt the Hilltoppers have an explosive offense, but we're .500 against teams from Bowling Green over the last two years -- that's enough to keep you guys happy, then I'm happy.
Wake Forest - "I'm a southern baptist, but I don't like the (Wake Forest) Deacons. We're going to kick their ass."
Big Ten schedule ain't important. We'll roll through that like we always do - show just enough potential to get you guys excited about next year, and blow out that lifeless corpse of a football program up in West Lafayette. I'm impressed with what Darrell's done up there - that flatbill bender has given the rest of the country a masterclass in how to be both terrible and employed.
Alright - sprinkler party, pronto. See you idiots outside. Go Hoosiers.
Fantastic. Glad to be here -- thank you all for joining me. This time of the year is family time for you guys, but let's be realistic - your wife's never going to believe two months from now that those 2 AM calls from a blocked number are just Tom setting up an impromptu presser. Dog. House. AmIRight?
We've got a big season coming up this fall, as you media types know. But before you can look ahead, you have to look back, so let's take a quick look at
But I'm tremendously excited to be back for another fall here - I think we've got a chance to do something real special. There are obviously some challenges - there always are. We've currently got a lion cub and the secretary from the International Aid office penciled in at Cornerback (she's inexperienced, but gritty), so pass defense is going to be an area to improve. But we're all about setting reasonable expectations here, so when you open up the media guide to the defensive backs section, you'll see
People ask me about the pressure that we're feeling as a coaching staff going into this year. You might have seen a few articles putting me on some kind of a hot seat.
Really, though, I've never been more relaxed in my life. Losing season every year since I've been here, and most of the fanbase is still talking extensions for four, five years. Beat Georgiana State Tech, North Central, and Purdue, and you lot are talking progress. I had Walter White starting at strong safety last year, and you guys called me "tough on crime." Sweet gig, right?
Point is though, I think we'll f*** some sh*t up this year, and here's why. Our schedule's easy. You heard me - it's easy. Doesn't matter that we're playing a 5-week-old puggle and your Asian-looking aunt at cornerback -- we're going to win, and win big. Freddie, throw up the powerpoint.
Southern Illinois - Our first opponent will be a real test, but it's one I'm excited about - my first car was a Sidekick, so I've got a long history with the Suzukis. *Fred Glass walks up hurriedly*.... I've just been informed that we're playing the Salukis, and they are not connected in any way to the Japanese carmaker. My bad. Can someone get on the horn and find out what the hell a Saluki is?
Florida International - Used to be Howard Schnellenberger's stomping grounds. Guy named TY Hilton played for them a few years back, so they've got some talent. But last year, FIU lost to every team on their schedule not named Southern Miss, and put up two touchdowns or more exactly twice, while playing in the Conference USA. If we lose this game at home, I'll run my own a** out of town.
Western Kentucky - No doubt the Hilltoppers have an explosive offense, but we're .500 against teams from Bowling Green over the last two years -- that's enough to keep you guys happy, then I'm happy.
Wake Forest - "I'm a southern baptist, but I don't like the (Wake Forest) Deacons. We're going to kick their ass."
Big Ten schedule ain't important. We'll roll through that like we always do - show just enough potential to get you guys excited about next year, and blow out that lifeless corpse of a football program up in West Lafayette. I'm impressed with what Darrell's done up there - that flatbill bender has given the rest of the country a masterclass in how to be both terrible and employed.
Alright - sprinkler party, pronto. See you idiots outside. Go Hoosiers.
