Long-term care insurance
- Thread starter BradStevens
- Start date
I was able to delay putting my mom in the nursing home by a year or more by bringing in home health care people. At the time it was priced reasonably and the gals who came to the house did a good job of looking after her, to the extent she let them and that time permitted. I had to keep increasing the number of days and hours they were there until it got to where she needed more help than could be provided.
@BradStevens wrote
I don’t think those with dementia are unaware they are living in squalid conditions. Dementia doesn’t produce an illusory perception of living in Shangri-La. From my experience, they know and are aware of being in uncomfortable or restricted surroundings but are horribly confused about where they are and why this is happening to them. Plus, they almost always have glimpses and short periods of memory where it’s clear they are sad at what is happening to them with the disease.
Our experiences are all going to be different and will vary widely. In my experience, there was no "squalor" and the care was kind and competent. In my dad's case I didn't get a chance to vet the facility ahead of time, but they were fine. In my mom's case, I did quite a bit of research. My wife went with me to some, and she said the one we eventually chose passed the "pee test" -- it didn't smell like old piss.
(I had to reformat your post in my reply, it was bunged up in the original.)
I don’t think those with dementia are unaware they are living in squalid conditions. Dementia doesn’t produce an illusory perception of living in Shangri-La. From my experience, they know and are aware of being in uncomfortable or restricted surroundings but are horribly confused about where they are and why this is happening to them. Plus, they almost always have glimpses and short periods of memory where it’s clear they are sad at what is happening to them with the disease.
Our experiences are all going to be different and will vary widely. In my experience, there was no "squalor" and the care was kind and competent. In my dad's case I didn't get a chance to vet the facility ahead of time, but they were fine. In my mom's case, I did quite a bit of research. My wife went with me to some, and she said the one we eventually chose passed the "pee test" -- it didn't smell like old piss.
(I had to reformat your post in my reply, it was bunged up in the original.)
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Doesn't one need an underlying soon to be fatal condition to go into hospice, not just "I do not want to live like this"?
Not really. The aim is "palliative care", which is meant to reduce pain and suffering, for some value of suffering. The treatment is essentially the administration of powerful sedatives and/or pain meds (like morphine)... and we know getting the dose right can be tricky <wink> <wink>.
My outlaws did that. Moved a hospital bed in for the great granddad. Had a nurse come in. Died in his own home
DANC, admire your outlook and plan for your Mother.
My Son and Daughter are going through some tough times in their own lives.
However they insist on helping their Mom and Dad with such things as household and yard tasks.
This role reversal just reminds me about having to face a growing dependency . A gradual change which to this point, I just cannot accept gracefully.
As Betty White once said, "Getting old isn't for sissies".
Possibly. But it’s never been an available option. I’m not saying it a a “flip the switch” kinda situation. But we should think about where we are developmentally. We have so much control over our health now than our ancestors even 200 years ago. And they were 200 years ahead of their ancestors too.
Watching somebody rot away because of disease; becoming something that resembles nothing of the person they were before. It’s a devastating thing. And as an individual if I know that path lies ahead and where I have anything to provide to my family, why can’t I decide where on that path I get to just say “I’ve had enough”.
Really tough. But not providing the option tells us nothing how attitudes would change over time.
Apologies for being indirect Mas. No disrespect intended.
I just think we should, as a homogenous society, consider viewpoints and options beyond those that underpin our way of life.
Yeah I get it. Been through it twice.
But the Three months leading up to that point when the inertia of not only the patient but the medicine is to just “stay alive”.
Again, I do t think everybody would just suddenly off themselves. And I’d be concerned about any new thing being commercialized.
I’m very open to seeing where providing the option would take us.
We've already done that for my mother-in-law, who had brain cancer. It was inconvenient, but she died surrounded by family.
Everyone thinks they're independent, but family and friends are important - more important than we know.
We moved to Charlotte to be near our grandkids because we want them to grow up around relatives. I realize not everyone can do that. Many people can't get along with their own relatives, but I've made it a point to maintain good relationships with my family, despite it being a challenge.
We have people in our over 55 community that rarely see their children and even more rarely their grandchildren. I just can't imagine living that way.
I didn't take it as disrespectful to me personally. My perspective is skewed because I see first hand the value and 'good works' that can result from participating in our church community. One must be involved and participate. It takes commitment.
One can live in fear, or live in hope.
One can't do both.
