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Dream Team

When I go to Tokyo twice a year and I wake up at 3am to pee and the toilet says “hello friend” and it opens before I approach it I say I live in the wrong country. But mostly I love pooping in Japan.
Yep, two weeks in Taiwan & Shanghai made me a believer. When we remodeled our bathroom, the wife wasn’t thrilled with spending $2500 on a toilet but it was non-negotiable.
 
Would anybody like to talk about how I saw a Pitbull concert in somebody’s back yard last week? Best time I’ve had in ten years.
damn!!! somebody's got some dough to piss away! our buddy was in fla for a conference a few months back and the industry hired the gin blossoms. they said they charged a 150k!!! i was floored. what the hell must pitbull cost for a backyard!
 
We had one farm with hogs and another with dairy cows and beef cattle. Slopped my share of hogs knee deep in shit, loaded many a mean as hell sow into farrowing crates, and on the home farm helped my Dad deliver baby calves that needed "turned". You reach in shoulder-deep to find a hoof and help deliver. Or the cow dies and the calf too
@Marvin the Martian we saw this on clarkson's farm. frightening
 
We had one farm with hogs and another with dairy cows and beef cattle. Slopped my share of hogs knee deep in shit, loaded many a mean as hell sow into farrowing crates, and on the home farm helped my Dad deliver baby calves that needed "turned". You reach in shoulder-deep to find a hoof and help deliver. Or the cow dies and the calf too
You must have been rich with all those farms.

Seriously dairy cows are the worst. A 24/7 job. You can never have a break. With hogs and dairy cows both you were obviously raised knowing how to work. Tip of the cap from me sir.
 
You must have been rich with all those farms.

Seriously dairy cows are the worst. A 24/7 job. You can never have a break. With hogs and dairy cows both you were obviously raised knowing how to work. Tip of the cap from me sir.
Thanks. I knew I didn't want to farm. My oldest brother did, though. Until college I had never been more than 100 miles from home. To permit a one day vacation, we would do the morning milking, hit the road by 8AM, have my uncle and cousins do the evening milking and the next morning's milking, then we'd roll in by 5PM the next day for the evening milking. A 33 hour vacation, max. Usually to visit a relative. Wherever we could get to in 2-3 hours. Danville Illinois where a relative lived seemed like an exotic destination.

Pigs are a lot less work except when farrowing. Stink 10x worse though.

When I was 16 in the summer of '78 my buddies and I took care of the farms for 2 weeks and my parents went to Washington DC for their first real vacation since their Niagra Falls honeymoon in 1947.
 
Thanks. I knew I didn't want to farm. My oldest brother did, though. Until college I had never been more than 100 miles from home. To permit a one day vacation, we would do the morning milking, hit the road by 8AM, have my uncle and cousins do the evening milking and the next morning's milking, then we'd roll in by 5PM the next day for the evening milking. A 33 hour vacation, max. Usually to visit a relative. Wherever we could get to in 2-3 hours. Danville Illinois where a relative lived seemed like an exotic destination.

Pigs are a lot less work except when farrowing. Stink 10x worse though.

When I was 16 in the summer of '78 my buddies and I took care of the farms for 2 weeks and my parents went to Washington DC for their first real vacation since their Niagra Falls honeymoon in 1947.
I spent all my years through high school working to make sure I never returned to the farm. There have been many stressful days at the office when the peacefulness of the farm looked attractive.

The worst financial error in my lifetime was not listening to my father and investing in farm land. I had numerous opportunities in my younger years to buy hundreds of acres of farm land for $1,200-$2,000 per acre. That land is now selling for $25,000 per acre.
 
I spent all my years through high school working to make sure I never returned to the farm. There have been many stressful days at the office when the peacefulness of the farm looked attractive.

The worst financial error in my lifetime was not listening to my father and investing in farm land. I had numerous opportunities in my younger years to buy hundreds of acres of farm land for $1,200-$2,000 per acre. That land is now selling for $25,000 per acre.
Our accountant says the same here stoll. These farms outside of the city are sitting on goldmines
 
My Dad sold off the home farm of 125 acres in the late 70s, built a house on the hog farm, them split it up and sold half of that. My brother, who recently passed away, was farming the remaining 120 acres. 100 or so tillable. Dad and bro bulldozed a lot of woods over the years. A tornado took out a shelter house on the pond in 2006 or so. Doesn't look the same and I don't really care to go back after my parents and now my brother is gone. I think my sister-in-law wants to sell it and her step-son wants to farm it. A mess.
 
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The Kid Mero Showtime GIF by Desus & Mero
Why so?

occasionally, one sees a girl whose beauty is almost intimidating.

Almost....
 
Why so?

occasionally, one sees a girl whose beauty is almost intimidating.

Almost....
A mature well experienced man, will look at any women and see nothing but; a lost house, a lost airplane, a lost boat, alimony, constant text messages with pics to remind him of everything she swindled him out of. All for what a $1.25 roll of Charmin would have provided more enjoyment with peace and quiet.
 
No bullshit mas. I could pull any chick I wanted out in the world. Charm em. Lawyer bs. Flip em. On to the next one. And I’m so so picky. Rarely does someone turn my head. Very rarely. Hardly ever. Last week just out of the blue I was alone in the grocery store aisle with the hottest chick I’ve seen in years. Just us. I started chatting her up and to her credit she was sweet but you could just sense the vibe was zero interest why are you taking to me I just want cereal. Growing old is not for the faint of heart
Murt, old men can still have lots of success. But you have to give the young ones what they want. It isn't money. They want power and stardom. Fame. Can you give that to that Gomez chick? Use your influence to make her the next SOS, then Governor, and ultimately a shot at the Presidency? If so she's yours. Again, they want power and you better be able to provide that.

 
A mature well experienced man, will look at any women and see nothing but; a lost house, a lost airplane, a lost boat, alimony, constant text messages with pics to remind him of everything she swindled him out of. All for what a $1.25 roll of Charmin would have provided more enjoyment with peace and quiet.
Here’s YOUR Olympian, Joe:

 
I love kids. Changed my life. Want more. I can adopt, too.
Horrible fight to get my minion in the car. Finally get him in. This is the conversation. All while my phone is ringing nonstop through the car.
Dada’s so angry right now I’m going to take five deep breaths!
NO IM TAKING DEEP BREFS!! THAT’S ME RIGHT NOW!!!!

so we’re in battling deep breaths. He stops and I keep going. Finally I stop and he goes “Take one more.”

Then I tell him you need to understand I’m in charge!
He replies “NO I CHARGE!!!!”
So we go back and forth like that arguing for a full minute over who is in charge. We finally grow silent and he goes. “I need my sun glasses.”
So I deliver HIM his sun glasses. Then I look back and I’m furious and he’s cruising in sunglasses with me his driver. Like bitch tell me who is in charge
 
Horrible fight to get my minion in the car. Finally get him in. This is the conversation. All while my phone is ringing nonstop through the car.
Dada’s so angry right now I’m going to take five deep breaths!
NO IM TAKING DEEP BREFS!! THAT’S ME RIGHT NOW!!!!

so we’re in battling deep breaths. He stops and I keep going. Finally I stop and he goes “Take one more.”

Then I tell him you need to understand I’m in charge!
He replies “NO I CHARGE!!!!”
So we go back and forth like that arguing for a full minute over who is in charge. We finally grow silent and he goes. “I need my sun glasses.”
So I deliver HIM his sun glasses. Then I look back and I’m furious and he’s cruising in sunglasses with me his driver. Like bitch tell me who is in charge
I LOVE this.

A small, unsolicited word of advice: don't argue with a 3-year-old.
 
Murt, old men can still have lots of success. But you have to give the young ones what they want. It isn't money. They want power and stardom. Fame. Can you give that to that Gomez chick? Use your influence to make her the next SOS, then Governor, and ultimately a shot at the Presidency? If so she's yours. Again, they want power and you better be able to provide that.

What can I say?

bb9bde73-ea0b-4b48-883e-b4d85bbb34fa_text.gif
 
Horrible fight to get my minion in the car. Finally get him in. This is the conversation. All while my phone is ringing nonstop through the car.
Dada’s so angry right now I’m going to take five deep breaths!
NO IM TAKING DEEP BREFS!! THAT’S ME RIGHT NOW!!!!

so we’re in battling deep breaths. He stops and I keep going. Finally I stop and he goes “Take one more.”

Then I tell him you need to understand I’m in charge!
He replies “NO I CHARGE!!!!”
So we go back and forth like that arguing for a full minute over who is in charge. We finally grow silent and he goes. “I need my sun glasses.”
So I deliver HIM his sun glasses. Then I look back and I’m furious and he’s cruising in sunglasses with me his driver. Like bitch tell me who is in charge
OMG Murty!
I'm just now grasping the gravity of your situation.
 
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So, Bitcoin turns you gay?

Same as purple hair makes women fat..?
Wait, does one get Purple hair and then gain weight, or do chubbies go get purple hair, Subaru's and bumper stickers... OH and Cats..? The gov should fund a multi million $ study, that every redneck already has answered by the age of 12. God Government spending my money is awesome !!! Where can I send more? I'm stocked !!!
 
A mature well experienced man, will look at any women and see nothing but; a lost house, a lost airplane, a lost boat, alimony, constant text messages with pics to remind him of everything she swindled him out of. All for what a $1.25 roll of Charmin would have provided more enjoyment with peace and quiet.
I feel 'ya....but my perspective differs..I enjoy women . I'm not a perv about it...they're all different and most have something of interest...as an observer of course..
You sayin' women took your airplane, boat, house and checkbook?
Whew, Lad!
 
Horrible fight to get my minion in the car. Finally get him in. This is the conversation. All while my phone is ringing nonstop through the car.
Dada’s so angry right now I’m going to take five deep breaths!
NO IM TAKING DEEP BREFS!! THAT’S ME RIGHT NOW!!!!

so we’re in battling deep breaths. He stops and I keep going. Finally I stop and he goes “Take one more.”

Then I tell him you need to understand I’m in charge!
He replies “NO I CHARGE!!!!”
So we go back and forth like that arguing for a full minute over who is in charge. We finally grow silent and he goes. “I need my sun glasses.”
So I deliver HIM his sun glasses. Then I look back and I’m furious and he’s cruising in sunglasses with me his driver. Like bitch tell me who is in charge

Brother, this is the kind of thing that keeps life fun. I'm fairly certain my grandson is going to be just like your son three years from now. Absolutely love it.

At least I'll be able to give him back.
 
I feel 'ya....but my perspective differs..I enjoy women . I'm not a perv about it...they're all different and most have something of interest...as an observer of course..
You sayin' women took your airplane, boat, house and checkbook?
Whew, Lad!
Well technically she hasn’t taken them yet. She’s just using them for leverage so she can keep using my pay checks with her apparent affair with Amazon.
 
Hey Coach,
I've been studying advanced strategy and Tactics. I think I've found a true nuclear weapon that we can us if anything every looks like we will take a terrible defeat.
All we have to do it start calling all of them weird! It's like the MOAB's !
 
I just left a community get together. There’s this 32 yr old young lady, new to the area. Blonde, double D’s and apparently gets hot very easy, so she wears very little cloths. I’ve had damage to my hypothalamus so I know a little about body temp regulation and it can be terrible!
She was looking kinda of down, none of the neighborhood women (mostly over 50) were including her. She needed a friend, it was apparent. So I asked her to help me get some things out of the Jeep that I couldn’t carry in one trip. The wife said “there’s nothing left to get, we have it all”.
Me, being such a giver and this gal needing a friend, I just could’nt risk leaving something behind. 2’fer! If I forgot something, the wife’s going to be furious!
Now I’m back home, the wife is asking for help to get stuff out of the jeep, first time she’s spoken to me in a month.
NAH, we got it all. She’s mad at me for yet
again some other unknown reason!
Struggle bus!
 
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