I'll try to explain the feeling as best I can. It's not so much a negative or cynical feeling, but more like - what else is there to do? I have felt the highest of highs, the lowest of lows, done my drugs and drinking, had successful and failed romances, I've been broke and I've lived the high life, etc. etc.
I do have hobbies and a pretty cool job. Life isn't bad. It just feels like I'm repeating myself at this point, just trying to stay calm, cool and collected so I can do the same things over again.
Perhaps it's just a side effect of depression or just delusional thinking, but I'm curious if this resonates with y'all or if y'all had ever had similar feelings?
Once again you bring up some very poignant threads Indigo. There is a consistent theme in all of them. Here's my stream of consciousness response.
If I go back to my original premise of the passages of Life:
1) Seeking identity
2) Finding his/her community
3) The pursuit of a purpose
First, the seeking of identity may be the challenge -- when we are younger, we are seeking values, identities imposed on us externally ie whether it be some dogma (religious, cultural etc), or what society, friends or parents tell us what is good, important or acceptable. When younger, you internalise these 'values' as part of your own.
But as you mature, and are strong/brave or smart enough to question these 'personal values': Is this what life is all about? Is this me in a nutshell?
Its a pivotal point in one's personal growth -- the shift from one being an externally driven valued person into a more introverted personality.
The usual fallback, kneejerk reactions to such personal questioning are -- 'Its god's way', 'I am doing it for the family' etc. All externally imposed answers to your questioning.
The real question is something that needs to be asked by yourself with a series of 4AM in a room without any external distractions like kids, spouse, mobile phones etc.
You boredom comes when you feel like you are doing all sorts of things -- when you were younger to titillate your senses to getting educated to seismic changes in life like marriage, kids etc to jobs -- and yet it still feels like the wheel's spinning in the mud.
The bottom line is that most people have been lead down this rabbit hole/path into something that they had not put too much thought behind simply because it was imposed upon us by an external value system. You are told that you have 'freedom' and yet why does it feel that you are still trapped? Freedom isn't defined by political slogans -- its in your headspace.
The next step really is to de-construct your value system. Its tough because of its a mosaic of personal events, culture, dogma, education, geographical inputs (
I am a Hoosier), family culture etc.
It's about analysing your life -- stripping down to the bare metal and asking yourself about each personal bucket of what is really important.
It's that,
if I was alone in the house was on fire, and I could only take out 3 items (metaphorically) moment. Once you figure out those three items then you will realise that others are secondary and that you can focus your energy on those 3 items.
Stress and boredom become less of an issue since you are starting to really build a real personal identity.
