Being a man

[Noodle]

Old friend called me one day and wanted a referral for a divorce attorney. It was an amicable split, no kids, few assets. They did a simple dissolution.

About a month later he calls to thank me for the referral. Says attorney was great, and everything was finalized the day before. “And to celebrate we had the best sex ever last night!”

Calls me a month later: “Guess what? I’m going to be a dad!

Second divorce was a bit more complicated than the first.

 

[hookyIU1990]

Old friend called me one day and wanted a referral for a divorce attorney. It was an amicable split, no kids, few assets. They did a simple dissolution.

About a month later he calls to thank me for the referral. Says attorney was great, and everything was finalized the day before. “And to celebrate we had the best sex ever last night!”

Calls me a month later: “Guess what? I’m going to be a dad!

Second divorce was a bit more complicated than the first.

Did you get multiple referral fees?

 

[Joe_Hoopsier]

Who doesn't like paying more child support to your ex and her boy toys for another 18 years.....

OK OK OK, maybe he could start slow and tell her he just wants to 96 with her.

 

[hookyIU1990]

OK OK OK, maybe he could start slow and tell her he just wants to 96 with her.

That or 68, he'll do her and she can owe him 1.

Probably have to play it by ear.

 

[larsIU]

Old friend called me one day and wanted a referral for a divorce attorney. It was an amicable split, no kids, few assets. They did a simple dissolution.

About a month later he calls to thank me for the referral. Says attorney was great, and everything was finalized the day before. “And to celebrate we had the best sex ever last night!”

Calls me a month later: “Guess what? I’m going to be a dad!

Second divorce was a bit more complicated than the first.

Wait, he banged the lawyer right?

Did you get multiple referral fees?

Every time.

 

[UncleMark]

You and mark must lead pathetic lives.

Quiet desperation in the trailer park.

 

[Joe_Hoopsier]

Quiet desperation in the trailer park.

It's the English way
Time is gone, the song is over
Thought youd have some more to say

 

[Noodle]

Wait, he banged the lawyer right?

I think I will leave that to your imagination.

 

[Baller23Boogie]

Don't listen to One baller boogie.. Nothing says I DONT WANT YOU, like knocking her up in spite ! Worst case, you get another awesome kid and you will be on her mind for ever. That's revenge.

Man, you really don't like your coach do you.

I mean, trying to tie him down for another 18 years minimum worth of child support to a woman that he openly says he doesn't even want.

Coach, I'm not trying to tell you how to run your team, but I'd be looking at the free agents out there and seeing if there's any shooting guards available because this one here might be trying to get you terminated.

 

[mcmurtry66]

Man, you really don't like your coach do you.

I mean, trying to tie him down for another 18 years minimum worth of child support to a woman that he openly says he doesn't even want.

Coach, I'm not trying to tell you how to run your team, but I'd be looking at the free agents out there and seeing if there's any shooting guards available because this one here might be trying to get you terminated.

They all turn on me. At my weakest moment DANC was fighting me over the definition of a puma.

 

[Cthulhu85]

Any man who could be considered masculine will not waste his time with a liberal woman. Our time is too valuable.

 

[Bulk VanderHuge]

Man, you really don't like your coach do you.

I mean, trying to tie him down for another 18 years minimum worth of child support to a woman that he openly says he doesn't even want.

What do you think makes him the level of coach he is today?

 

[Joe_Hoopsier]

Man, you really don't like your coach do you.

I mean, trying to tie him down for another 18 years minimum worth of child support to a woman that he openly says he doesn't even want.

Coach, I'm not trying to tell you how to run your team, but I'd be looking at the free agents out there and seeing if there's any shooting guards available because this one here might be trying to get you terminated.

But there is joy in the child and it would be concurrent sentences.

You suck at playing the spite game. You gotta score quick and biggly ! One more kid right now could be a game winner.

 

[mcmurtry66]

But there is joy in the child and it would be concurrent sentences.

You suck at playing the spite game. You gotta score quick and biggly ! One more kid right now could be a game winner.

I pay a nice house mortgage in child support each month. I would have to fake my own death if i had another one.

 

[Baller23Boogie]

I pay a nice house mortgage in child support each month. I would have to fake my own death if i had another one.

I have a feeling that if you have another kid with this girl that you're gonna be the next documentary made for Netflix.

 

[Bulk VanderHuge]

I pay a nice house mortgage in child support each month. I would have to fake my own death if i had another one.

Obviously, Joe is a deadbeat dad.

 

[Baller23Boogie]

What do you think makes him the level of coach he is today?

He's the John Calipari of the NBA.

 

[Bulk VanderHuge]

He's the John Calipari of the NBA.

Or Dan Dakich.

 

[The_Merry_Prankster]

You’re right. Time to nut up

Go whoin' ..

This poem is the absolute opposite of woke in every way. It’s about a man’s immunity to the effects of adversity and rising above it; instead of succumbing and feeling victimized.

You and mark must lead pathetic lives.

View embedded media

Woke.

 

[DANC]

honestly im not sure i want her. i just don't want this guy to have her. spite!!!! it's a strong motivator

Maybe he's sterile?

 

[DANC]

What do you make of her ignoring that part?

Tells me she knew she was busted. Otherwise, she'd have denied it.

 

[DANC]

Man, you really don't like your coach do you.

I mean, trying to tie him down for another 18 years minimum worth of child support to a woman that he openly says he doesn't even want.

Coach, I'm not trying to tell you how to run your team, but I'd be looking at the free agents out there and seeing if there's any shooting guards available because this one here might be trying to get you terminated.

It's only an additional 2 or 3 years.

 

[mcmurtry66]

Tells me she knew she was busted. Otherwise, she'd have denied it.

Well she wants to meet at the storage unit to get my shit bc she’s moving the rest of hers in with the bf. The prankster is right. I just need to move on

 

[Noodle]

Well she wants to meet at the storage unit to get my shit bc she’s moving the rest of hers in with the bf. The prankster is right. I just need to move on

Dear Penthouse,

You'll never believe what happened when I went to meet my ex at a storage unit. She said she just wanted to get her stuff, but.....

 

[DANC]

Well she wants to meet at the storage unit to get my shit bc she’s moving the rest of hers in with the bf. The prankster is right. I just need to move on

She wants to bang you in the storage unit. Kinky!

 

[mcmurtry66]

She wants to bang you in the storage unit. Kinky!

Her bf will be there. I won’t meet on a weekend in case I need a judge

 

[Joe_Hoopsier]

Her bf will be there. I won’t meet on a weekend in case I need a judge

Holy shit, with her BF?

Well there is only one way to move on from the past and into the new. Just don't touch swords!

 

[Baller23Boogie]

It's only an additional 2 or 3 years.

It may be an additional 2 or 3 years, but he would have to add on how ever much those additional payments would be for the entire 18 years would be of payments.

And Pubs say Dems live to spend other people's money 😄

 

[hookyIU1990]

Her bf will be there. I won’t meet on a weekend in case I need a judge

You sure he's not there to film it? Some chicks dig dudes that dig that.

Still think you should bang her mom. Hell, maybe pick her mom and bring her to the unit.

 

[anon_6hv78pr714xta]

You sure he's not there to film it? Some chicks dig dudes that dig that.

Still think you should bang her mom. Hell, maybe pick her mom and bring her to the unit.

Excellent idea. Maybe grandma too?

 

[mcmurtry66]

You sure he's not there to film it? Some chicks dig dudes that dig that.

Still think you should bang her mom. Hell, maybe pick her mom and bring her to the unit.

Both parents are dead. Couldn’t ask for anyone better

 

[hookyIU1990]

Both parents are dead. Couldn’t ask for anyone better

So the sister it is...

 

[mcmurtry66]

So the sister it is...

Adopted. Not cute. In the least

 

[Univee2]

Adopted. Not cute. In the least

You have bags?

 

[mcmurtry66]

You have bags?

?

 

[TheOriginalHappyGoat]

?

 

[Baller23Boogie]

?

No wonder you're the coach.

 

[snarlcakes]

Adopted. Not cute. In the least

Never stopped you before

 

[Bulk VanderHuge]

Her bf will be there. I won’t meet on a weekend in case I need a judge

Maybe she wants to compare units.

 

[mcmurtry66]

Maybe she wants to compare units.

So bad lol