Collywobbles in public is as bad as it gets. When you're walking to be able to plug in an address on your phone and get back "7537 office building has a shitter in the lobby that's never locked and always clean" would be fantastic
Elon/Twitter/and stories from the sh!tter?
- Thread starter Indianaftw
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Yep. I could be the guest on a Russian oligarch's yacht right now.
The homeless vagrant junkies cost America clean public restrooms years ago, assisted by the guys who wipe feces on the wall because in their world, that’s funny. In fact, shitty mens restrooms may be a cause of male-to-female transgendering, and the adoption of clean, uni-sex, non-junkie potties may have unintended consequences for that movement.
You might be surprised. Pros don't have much political loyalty.
So I get a haircut today and the barbers are bitching about someone who took a shat in their restroom and left a mess - crap all over the place.
Then I come home and read about dirty restrooms on the Cooler.
Coincidence?
My stomach has always been a mess. There are certain restaurants that I eat that I know I won't be able to make it back to the office if I go there. One of my very good friends owns a chain of restaurants and he gets offended because I won't eat there. I don't know what he does to the food but it goes right through me. Unless it was served with a diaper I don't have a chance. Funny story for ya.
I really like handicapped bathrooms. I know i'm going to be in there a while and I appreciate the space. So an old firm I worked at had the entire floor. Well the floor below us was another firm and they had that whole floor. well i was down there for a referral or something and ducked into their bathroom and loved it. Way better than ours. So in the days thereafter i stopped using our bathrooms and would go down there and use theirs once or twice a day. the receptionist got to know me and in time just assumed i worked there. i'd smile at the paralegals and staff. make a little small talk but never too much. it was great. then one day i got a firm wide email from the managing partner that was forwarded to us from the office manager at the firm downstairs. It said that they had been having an intruder use their bathroom. the person didn't work at their firm but spent considerable time in the bathroom there. what's more it was a male and he was there just this morning. then the email contained a detailed description of the person. that he was wearing glasses (which i did on hangover days), the color shirt he had on, suit description, even a detailed description of the tie. it was obviously me. so i had to go explain what i had done and promise to not go down there anymore blah blah blah
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Did you ever have a McDonald's Steak, Egg, and Cheese bagel?
Probably my favorite food of all time. I absolutely HAD to have it. But my stomach was never the same for a few days after I had one. I don't know what spices or whatever they put on it, but it just tore me up.
Then I went on a diet and lost like 60 pounds in 4 months or so. I ate bland foods and small portions and the diet really worked. But you - or "I" - can only stay on a restricted diet for so long, so I started backsliding. Funny thing is, when I started eating the bagel, it didn't bother me anymore.
I do think a lot of it has to do with the bacteria in your gut. I take a pre- and pro-biotic and it really helps.
Have you ever had someone who is handicapped need the shitter while you were on it? Me neither and I would use it all the time...but I always had the fear that it would happen.
A buddy I worked with used to always use the middle shitter. I'd argue that was really poor shitter etiquette because we need some space, so the middle should only be used if the other two were occupied.
His argument was that no one used the middle shitter so it was the cleanest with the fewest ass matter on it.
The absolute worst was I was working in a temp office where we were all on one floor and the shitters, both guys and gals were right in the middle.
We also had those low plane cubicles to 'foster an open work environment' or some shit.... basically you could see everyone and everything sitting at your desk, including who was going to the shitter, how long they were in the shitter, you could smell the shitter and you could hear the shitter when it flushed.
It was hilarious but right out of a sitcom awful and awkward.
Omg!!! I would die. That is so so funny. When they kicked me out I used to carry a printout that I would stick on the outside of the bathroom door:
RESERVED
2:00 - 2:15
But the coworkers bitched and weren't on board with having to reserve the bathroom.
I had an office for a while where the floor had 4 offices with internal offices. There was one bathroom in the hall everyone shared. As God as my witness I get off the elevator and there's Orlando Pace and four buddies from the Rams. Lineman. He was starting a nonprofit and they were looking at space. I saw him and his crew up there 4 or 5 times with the leasing agent in the span of a week. Then MIA. About a month later I ran into him in front of Sbx and said "hey are you renting that office space". And he goes "no we passed. It was too small." I let out a big breath and go "Thank God!! i didn't want to share that bathroom with you guys!" He bust out laughing
My god, I felt that. Like a dick punch.
Somebody asked me how much my office (closet but still) means to me. I quickly advised $10k a year.
You guys are all disgusting. I never use the shitter anywhere but at home. If I use the shitter at work, I'm sick.
I know I told my cornfield story where the picker turned in while I was in mid hangover crap.
I went to a Cubs game at Wrigley with a good friend and his girlfriend and another friend. My friend had lived together for 4 yrs and she still wouldn't take a dump if he was home and he only went 2-3 times a week. Thats a slow day for me. So we stop at the Hardees or BK whatever thats in the middle of the tollroad at the ILL border. They all got chicken I got a burger. We see a lot of cops outside and some disturbance. Something was wrong with my burger is best I can figure. I felt it coming..........Cant use mens room and the line to handicap was long. I am sweating, I finally get in the main mens room , cops have some dude handcuffed to a urinal but I rushed a stall . It took me a long time , it was a total blowout. So working one day in Warsaw,The Cubs game friend was from SB. I go rushing in a Taco bell at like 11 to use the restroom and there sitting on the floor is my friend chiseling a piece of tile off the wall to get to the plumbing. He just looked up and smiles and says helloooo I bet you have to take a sh*t.
My other close and bad I was in SB and went to UP mall in a hurry. I usually timed things and didnt eat a lot during day or went to a place and knew to go before I left. I go in at off time in food court restroom. Its empty but first stall someone had sh8t their pants , taken their underwear of and left it on the TP holder box. Im down a couple and the janitor comes in and I hear OMG! It was empty besides he and I and I said I know can you believe that?
I never eat the food when I am at an auction, man if it hits me wrong and I'm waiting on something and I have to find the portable? I miss my whole day possibly so I get what you are talking about.
Oh man, I am dying. You are painting such a mental picture. I think we've all been there in one way or another.
My wife is hearing me laughing and thinks I'm going crazy.
You either never get far from home or are just set up different. As my last response if I eat I usually need to find a restroom before I leave and sometimes its on the run.
My morning constitutional is all I need. If I need anything more over the course of the day, then something is wrong.
When you are someone that can have to go quick or the wrong thing reacts and wants out right away, you learn to make plans. I keep a roll of TP in all vehicles, although covid made it necessary to make sure it was hidden! I can't even fathom the picky people! Hell, I am just glad I can find a restroom when it's a bad time and something to sit on . That time in Chicago was something else, They moved the line to the unisex handicap and 20 guys that just need to pee jump over and I'm dying . The guy handcuffed to the urinal was crazy apparently it was some drug deal cops were everywhere, by then I finally say to the effect to the dude I have to find a toilet . He escorted me to the front of the line. I seriously had sweat rolling off me in that stall and it just wouldnt end.
God bless you of never knowing the horrors of having to find somewhere and not wanting use a McDonalds . That was never an issue for me .But way out in the boonies and I was discreet as far as any houses being around or anything but a cornfield or woods sometimes. Not you but a previous thread about people could be arrested as sex offenders as a general if you get caught. I can assure anyone if you caught me in a cornfield, sex was the last thing on my mind at that moment!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm the opposite when it comes to pissing. I've always had a tiny bladder, and now at my age I have to be very careful of where I'm at and how much time I have. Of course, pissing emergencies are a lot easier to deal with than shitting emergencies.
I can shake my leg for a bit and and at least on a side road an open car/truck door gives you a triangle of not being seen to get it done! Mine are more waking up at night at this point. I remember my dad, we passed each other I had been at an auction he was heading so we stopped like cops at a donut shop and dads got in a gatorade bottle letting it out one of those images . This thread went south but its offseason and better than arguing politics?
I've told the story in AOTF. Was using handicap stall at work. I didn't lock the door apparently. Next thing I know some guy opens the door and starts backing in.
I yell "hey" as anyone would and then the guy turns around. He has a cane and is blind. He apologizes which made me feel even worse about the situation. He ended up going to the next stall over and I wrapped up very quickly.
Luckily it was a large building and I made sure to never go in building d4 bathroom again. Other than the time I congratulated a lady for being pregnant who actually was not, it was my most embarrassing moment at work.
I yell "hey" as anyone would and then the guy turns around. He has a cane and is blind. He apologizes which made me feel even worse about the situation. He ended up going to the next stall over and I wrapped up very quickly.
Luckily it was a large building and I made sure to never go in building d4 bathroom again. Other than the time I congratulated a lady for being pregnant who actually was not, it was my most embarrassing moment at work.
Yeah I started the Mucil a year ago. Game changing. I know when I’m shitting nearly every day. I know an hour before it’s going to happen.
I don't think you understand the context of a work shit. You're at work...getting paid...to shit. Why limit yourself to free shits on your own time?
I should have done that when I was out in the dating/cheating world. Unpredictable collywobbles ruined many a night
You're a slacker, I see. Me, I'm a company man.
Drink your folgers and shit on your own time. I won't judge you. But in return, I ask that you don't judge me for drinking the good stuff and getting paid to cut rope.
He couldn't have ID you, he was blind!
Prolly pick you out by your gait and deodorant.
No, I'm getting paid to play the new Splashing Pumpkins album. Im pretty sure there's a whole chapter about it that I read in Rich Dad Poor Dad.
I worked at McD's for a while near the end of college. Being incredibly poor, I took advantage of the free meal scheme to get as many of my calories at work as possible. For the first few weeks, I was sick all the time eating that crap. Then I got used to it, and everything was fine. I could eat whatever.
Here's the weird part: After I left McD's and started eating normal food regularly, I was sick as a dog all the time again. It was like my body was rejecting real food until it got used to it again.
Gut biome is the real deal. It's crazy how that junk will work you over and change everything.
Me and the wife are close friends with Morgan Spurlock's brother, and have met with Morgan on several occasions socially. Dude is a riot.
