An Irishman walks into a bar...

[Mas-sa-suta]

...tells the bartender, "I'll have three shots of Irish Whiskey"...

The bartender pauses, shrugs, and pours the three shots...

The Irishman patiently downs the three shots, pays and walks out...

Next week, the same ritual plays out...

The following week, the same...

The next week, the bartender says to the Irishman., " You know, you might enjoy the whiskey better drinking them one at a time."

"Noo," says the Irishman...."It's tradition, back in Ireland, me brothers and me would have a drink together....I've move to America now, but it's still the tradition..."

So, for a few weeks, the Irishman comes in, order the three shots, and drinks them down...

One evening, he comes in and tells the bartender," I'll be havin' only two shot this evenin"

The bartender is shocked...."Oh, I hope nothing has happened to one of your brothers"!!


"Nooo", says the Irishman, " I've quit drinkin"

 

[Noodle]

I like that. very good nm

nm

 

[VanPastorMan]

I think I can get a sermon illustration out of this. Thx. nt

nt

 

[JLR]

A Skeleton walks into a bar...

And says: "Gimme a beer and a mop."

 

[Mas-sa-suta]

a hamburger and a fry walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "We don't serve food here."

 

[CO. Hoosier]

A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.

.

 

[HenriPasseur]

lol

hillarius, did you just think that?

 

[CO. Hoosier]

Ain't sayin' *

.

 

[HenriPasseur]

2 GIs walk into 6 bras in 1 bar

My Granfather say he in a bar with his friend and they talked to 6 women. They tried to seduce them. Going well but 2 GIs walked in talking english loud and they do not beat around bush. My Granfather say 5 minutes later they all walked away with the 2 GIs dammit.

Next night he and his friend goes to the bar again. Now Friday and more women. Better. Then these 2 GIs walk in again. This time my Granfather makes friend with the GIs and they stay and party. He say he learns many ideas from the 2 GIs about getting women fast. And much better sex too.

 

[TheOriginalHappyGoat]

WTF?

I mean, seriously. What?

 

[DougS]

Seriously!

.

 

[Noodle]

Re: 2 GIs walk into 6 bras in 1 bar

Originally posted by HenriPasseur:
My Granfather say he in a bar with his friend and they talked to 6 women. They tried to seduce them. Going well but 2 GIs walked in talking english loud and they do not beat around bush. My Granfather say 5 minutes later they all walked away with the 2 GIs dammit.

Next night he and his friend goes to the bar again. Now Friday and more women. Better. Then these 2 GIs walk in again. This time my Granfather makes friend with the GIs and they stay and party. He say he learns many ideas from the 2 GIs about getting women fast. And much better sex too.

So, why did your grandfather leave with the 2 GI's? Did he and his friend have sex with them?

 

[Mas-sa-suta]

Two guys sitting in a bar..


First guy says, " Did you know that Lions have sex ten or fifteen times a day?"

Second guy, " Damn, I just joined the Rotary Club."

 

[Mas-sa-suta]

Henri?


Qui est nous?, et ou habitez-vous?

Comment avez-vous a commencer a poster ici?

 

[HenriPasseur]

My father say me to not speak french

until my english become good. Pardon me. My english is very bad.

 

[IUJIM]

A man walks into his bedroom...

...with a sheep around his shoulders. He looks towards his wife and says, "honey, this is the pig I have been screwing," His wife looks at him and says, "you idiot, that is not a pig, that is a sheep". The husband replies "Shutup, I wasn't talking to you"

 

[HenriPasseur]

No, he and his friend remains in the bar

all 6 women did leave with the 2 GI's. I say he and his friend try seduce women not men. Are you gay or do you try humiliate my Granfather? He like only women but gay sex is not stigma in Europe since Greeks and maybe before. GIs did like women also but was friendly to everyone. Maybe are you embarassed about gay sex because you are American?

 

[Mas-sa-suta]

Re: A man walks into his bedroom...

carrying a glass of water and two aspirins....

His wife asks, " Honey, what are the aspirins and water for"?

He says, "They're for your headache"!

She says, " I don't have a headache"!

He says, "Great, let's screw"!

 

[Noodle]

Re: No, he and his friend remains in the bar

Originally posted by HenriPasseur:
all 6 women did leave with the 2 GI's. I say he and his friend try seduce women not men. Are you gay or do you try humiliate my Granfather? He like only women but gay sex is not stigma in Europe since Greeks and maybe before. GIs did like women also but was friendly to everyone. Maybe are you embarassed about gay sex because you are American?

I'm not the one who raised the issue about your grandfather somehow being humiliated by the suggestion that he left with the 2 GI's. Besides that, you never even said that the 2 GI's were male! Apparently you are the one who is not only homophobic, but also sexist.

No, all I was trying to do was make sense out of your incoherent post.

 

[mjvcaj]

Typical French

Everyone knows you swing both ways.

 

[HenriPasseur]

You are an angry man

(or woman). Pardon me for having bad english skills. I just post here to learn english and meet Americans. Most people are friendly.

One GI (a man) say my Granfather that women like honest man best. Honest man is brave and brave is sexier. Food for your thoughts.

Many fish in the pond. I do not post with you any more. I wish you best in life, peace, love, happiness, good home life, friendship, human dignity. I wish same for your children if you ever have.

 

[Noodle]

Re: Typical French

yep. but in his case he seems to swing back and forth between lunacy and idiocy.

 

[HenriPasseur]

lol

I speak french, but not Frenchman. I am from Belgium.

I do not know what you saying but it sounds unfriendly. Why are you and Noodle unfriendly to foreign visitor? I am glad I do not meet you on campus.

 

[mjvcaj]

What is your choice of beer?

Then I will know if you are telling the truth.

 

[HenriPasseur]

lol Did you vote George Bush?

My Father say many Americans vote George Bush because they like to drink beers with him more than other guy. Hillarius.

I am 19. I can not drink beer here. I do not like beer. At home I drink wine but not to many.

Also funny you think about telling the truth. Make me think you do not talk with people too much. I guess you sit in your office long time each day. You post here 44.576. That is much time.

I much more like talk with people outside. I meet two angry people here on Water Cooler today and I meet none on the campus in 3 months.

 

[Noodle]

oh good grief...you can't possibly think he is telling the truth, right?


He's trolling.

 

[Sope Creek]

And badly . . .

very badly.

 

[mjvcaj]

You failed the test

You are a bisexual Frenchman after all. I pity thee.

 

[mjvcaj]

Wasn't it obvious that I was having a little fun?

I haven't a serious reply yet. Stop being such a downer!

 

[Sope Creek]

BTW, have you noticed . . .

that Goat isn't here for this discussion?

J'ACCUSE!!!

 

[Noodle]

Re: Wasn't it obvious that I was having a little fun?

LOL sorry...my comment was largely directed at Marcel Marceau, or whatever he calls himself. I know that you don't believe him either.

Just curious, though, what would have been an acceptable answer regarding his choice of beer? Stealla Artois, or something more esoteric like a local saison?

 

[Noodle]

hmmmmm...


I would like to think that Goat could do a better job at impersonating a Frenchman, or is it a Belgian?

 

[mjvcaj]

Anything less than Heineken would have been unacceptable

I was actually hoping for it and some story about how the Dutch are secretly the Belgians and vice versa.

 

[Sope Creek]

Now you've done it . . . what do you mean by "less" . . .

I like and drink both Heineken and Stella, but I prefer Stella . . . and so does MrsSope.

 

[NPT]

Do you know

why a giraffe has such a long neck?
V
V























Because their head is a long way from their body.

. ...... I know booooooooooooooooooooooooo.



This post was edited on 12/11 5:30 PM by NPT

 

[mjvcaj]

Other than the fact that it is a terrible beer?

First off, I meant I hoped he answered with Heineken to verify his Belgian authenticity (not that it would, but that is what I was expecting from him).

Secondly, I do enjoy Stella, particularly in the summer. It is a little light on the ABV for this guy, though the MrsMJVCAJ enjoys it.

Third, I cannot stand Heineken. It's too much like a Beck's to me... thin with a Germanic aftertaste reminiscent of tears from East Germany. I'll drink it over some other things, but I prefer Belgians (Saisons being my preference and Belgian Pale Ale being my second). For Saisons, I typically pick up whatever is on sale or new at our neighborhood liquor store. For BPAs, I tend to stick with Delirium Tremens.

 

[Noodle]

we may disagree on other things, but....


you and I definitely see eye to eye when it comes to beer. Heineken kind of sucks, in my opinion. It's got that grassy German pale lager aftertaste that I do not like at all--just like Beck's and St. Pauli, etc. Don't get me wrong--there are plenty of German lagers I really like, particularly Dortmunders and the like. I also really like saisons and various Trappist ales of Belgium. Westvleteren is hands down my favorite.

 

[mjvcaj]

Where can I get Westvleteren in the US?

I came across #12 on Beer Advocate and saw it was rated among the top 20 or so. I thought I read that it isn't distributed in the U.S., except a trial in 2012, but maybe I am wrong?

Great Lakes has a few good Dortmunder styles. Had some when I was in Chagrin last year. Not sure how widely they distribute those.

 

[Noodle]

Re: Where can I get Westvleteren in the US?

It's next to impossible to find. I lucked out 10+ years ago when a local liquor store (Party Source in Newport, KY) had a few single, unlabeled bottles that they somehow obtained. The only way you could tell what it was was by the bottle cap (well that, and the taste). I'm not even sure it was legal for them to be have it.

Apart from the one-time offering in 2012 you mentioned (to raise money for improvements to the abbey), the only place you can buy it is at the abbey. And even then they severely limit how much each person can buy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westvleteren_Brewery

Great Lakes Dortmunder Gold is very good. I had that at a restaurant in Chagrin myself about 20 years ago. It was my first ever experience with Great Lakes, as they had no distribution outside of Cleveland at the time.

I think my second favorite beer of all time (to the extent that's possible to say) is the Neapolitan Milk Stout from the Suagatuck Brewing Company (Michigan). I think the only place you can get it is at the brewery, since they serve it under nitrogen. They might have it in kegs for other restaurants and bars, I suppose, but they will not even sell you a growler of it to go at the brewery because they think it's only proper when served promptly from the tap.

 

[mjvcaj]

Sounds like the wife and I need a trip to Belgium

Never gotten into Stouts or Porters, they are just too rich, thick for my liking although my father-in-law won't drink anything but.

Michigan has some truly amazing breweries. Bell's and Founder's are two of the best, even if they are more mainstream now.