An Irishman walks into a bar...

[TheOriginalHappyGoat]

Walter Hagen, Jesus and a old man are playing golf...

...at some country club up in heaven. Walt goes up to the tee box and hits a drive that flies 300 yards right down the center of the fair way.

"Nice shot," says Jesus, and tees up. He hits a drive that flies even longer, but it bounces into a pond. Miraculously, however, it doesn't sink, but instead rolls across the top of the pond and lands in the short grass on the other side.

"No fair," Walt says.

"Hey, all's fair in love, war and golf," says Jesus.

The old man gets up, and hits his drive. It flies into the same pond Jesus hit into, but the ball doesn't float. It sinks straight to the bottom.

"Tough shot, old man," says Jesus.

"Just wait," says the old man.

Suddenly, a fish jumps out of the water and spits something white into the sky - it's the old man's ball. A passing bird swoops down and plucks the ball out of the air, and flies off toward the green. Just above the green, the bird lets the ball drop, and it lands, and begins rolling toward the cup. It stops for a moment at the edge of the cup and falls in. A hole in one.

Jesus looks at the old man and rolls his eyes.

"Stop showing off, Dad."

This post was edited on 12/11 11:54 PM by TheOriginalHappyGoat

 

[TheOriginalHappyGoat]

^^^ Knows plenty about beer ^^^

But that post was misleading. After reading more of the thread, I take back my slander.

Heineken is absolutely one of the worst beers there is. Always skunky.

Never put your beer in a green bottle. Only Nazis and retards put their beer in green bottles.

I've read before that Heineken actually blasts their beer with UV rays in order to speed up the skunking because that's the "flavor" people expect.

goat

This post was edited on 12/12 12:05 AM by TheOriginalHappyGoat

 

[Noodle]

what's dumber than an Henri Passeur post?

that joke

 

[crazed_hoosier2]

Do you know what happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?

He gets taller.

 

[TheOriginalHappyGoat]

An engineer dies and goes to the pearly gates.

St. Peter tells him, "Sorry, you're slated for Hell," and sends him on down to Hell.

About a week later, God hears about this, and heads down to Hell to talk to the Devil.

"Listen, Satan, but there was some paperwork mix-up. You know engineers are all supposed to go to Heaven. Send him back."

"No way," Satan says. "Things have been great since he showed up. In one week, he's built us flushing toilets, air conditioning and color TV. He's making Hell into a paradise!"

"That's why he's not supposed to be here! You send him back, or I'll sue you!"

The Devil just laughs uproariously. "Yeah? And where are you going to get a lawyer?"

 

[TheOriginalHappyGoat]

A lawyer goes in for a triple bypass.

When he wakes up, he's in his room, and he notices the curtains are drawn.

"What's the deal with the curtains?" he asks the nurse.

"Well, there's a giant fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think the surgery was unsuccessful."

 

[NPT]

That's exactly what

my wife said....

 

[NPT]

Another one...

So there's 5 surgeons talking about who is easier to work on.

One says well, it's electricians, because they are color coded inside.

The second says librarians, because they use the Dewie Decimal System to organize their insides.

The third says construction workers, cause they come with a good blueprint.

The fourth says accountant, because everything is in numerical order.

The last says no, you are all wrong, it's easiest to work on lawyers. They only have two parts, the asshole and the mouth and they are interchangeable.

This post was edited on 12/12 7:27 AM by NPT

 

[Mas-sa-suta]

A Potato walks into a bar.....


All eyes were on him....

 

[Sope Creek]

Four golfers get caught in a squall line with heavy rain and lightening . .

and they look around for shelter, but find none. So they're exposed on the open golf course getting soaked, with heavy flashes of mega electricity all around.

One old guy grabs a club out of his bag and heads for the only hill about 50 yards away, and the other three guys yell at him to come back, or he'll get killed by lightening. One of them runs after the guy with the club and tries to tug him back, but the old man shakes him off saying "I know what I'm doing. Not even God can hit a one iron."

 

[Sope Creek]

You know why they bury lawyers 20 feet down?

Because deep down they're pretty good people.

 

[Sope Creek]

You know what the difference is between a dead lawyer . . .

in the middle of a road and a dead skunk in the middle of the road?

There's skid marks in front of the skunk.

And the lawyer stinks.

 

[Rockfish1]

Speaking as a beer snob . . .

I feel very sorry for you and the long-suffering Mrs. Sope. First, Heineken is terrible. Awful. People claim that the workers piss into the vats at Corona, and that's what Heineken tastes like. Stella is an inoffensive beer (except to people who enjoy real Belgian beers) that tends to be served in nice glasses. My advice: buy anything you can find from brewers like Three Floyds, Bell's, Stone, Dogfish Head, Sierra Nevada, Goose Island, and Founders. There are so many great craft beers these days, so I've surely left many off my list.

Note to any other Naptowners: Why do people drink Sun King? There isn't anything wrong with it, but there isn't much right with it either. Why start up a craft brewery to create bland inoffensive beers? That market is pretty much already covered by Anheuser Busch.

 

[Sope Creek]

I'm delighted . . .

that MrsSope and I could help make you and mjvcaj feel superior.

Frankly, we don't drink all that much . . . and don't really want to. So when we have the beers we like, we're good.

 

[Rockfish1]

I'm sorry to offend you

I hoped that the "Speaking as a beer snob" header would signal that I knew I was being insufferable (as opposed to all those posts where I don't know I'm being insufferable). Having apologized, though, if you and the long-suffering Mrs. Sope don't drink much beer, it seems all the more important that you avoid bad beer. The real risk is that if you discovered good beer, you might drink a lot more of it. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

[Sope Creek]

You didn't offend me . . .

I'm just glad we could be of help. >)

There are many opportunities for buying imported beers and craft beer tasting here. We just . . . don't. No reason, other than it's just not something on our radar screen except occasionally in the summer after mowing the yard or something.

If we have between us three beers a month, it's been a big month. Tough to develop a palate with that little exposure.

 

[Mas-sa-suta]

A termite walks into a bar.....


"Is the bar tender here"?