Diablo IPA by Ovaltine Brewing Company ....................

[ovaltine]

This gorgeous IPA ......

..... tasted nothing like any IPA (or any other beer, for that matter) I've ever experienced.

Little O came home yesterday for a couple of days, so we decided to crack this open. It's the Diablo IPA "Craft Refill" from Mr. Beer that I brewed in February after Little O bought me a Mr. Beer Home Brewing Kit for my birthday in 2014. I didn't want to brew the Coors Light that came with the original kit, so I purchased the Diablo refill and an Amber Ale refill plus 24 glass bottles (they send plastic bottles with the base kit), bottle caps, and a capper. Note - using the capper was BY FAR the funnest part of the entire 2 week-long brewing/fermenting/bottling process. All in, I spent $80 or so in addition to Little O's investment in the base kit. Is Bernie Madoff running Mr. Beer?

Anywho, I iced down 6 bottles (figuring 2 each for me, Little O, and Mrs. O), and when he arrived, we quickly moved to the patio - didn't want any bottle explosions from improper carbonation to damage the Ovaltine domicile.

Cracked open a bottle - no explosion or "foam out." SCORE!!! Cracked open a second bottle - no explosion or "foam out." DOUBLE SCORE!!! Mrs. O wasn't outside with us because it was fairly cool (high 30's), so Little O and I moved on to "the pour" with trepidation.

But no worries - as you can see by the pic, very nice color, nice head, nice carbonation bubbles. WE HAVE PROPER CARBONATION!!! Looking good!!! And then .....

The first sign of trouble. Raise the glass to get the aroma. It smells like beer. Sorta. But not really. Very weak, no hop aroma AT ALL. None. Smells like apple cider (WEAK apple cider) you leave out for a couple of weeks with no refrigeration - very faint alcohol aroma, maybe a little sweetness. Uh oh.

First sip ..... a vague, beery flavor, and there's definitely alcohol, but ABSOLUTELY NO HOP FLAVOR and very little malt. Okay, let it warm a few minutes, which usually allows the aromas and flavors to come forward. Second drink ..... a bit (as in a miniscule bit) more malt flavor, still no hop flavor AT ALL.

Little O is giving me a "do I have to keep drinking this crap" look. All right - regroup. Sit down, relax, wait 5 more minutes. Talk to Little O about his job and what he's been up to in the Twin Cities (having bunches of fun and working a lot), then take a big drink. Nothing - just watery malt, NO HOPS, but definitely alcohol, so we did have fermentation, and there are no "off" aromas or flavors - there's practically no aroma or flavors to reference.

The final test - take the glass in to Mrs. O and let her sample it. Offer her the glass. "Oooooh, it's pretty." Chicks. Screw that - taste it. She takes a whiff, then takes a drink. "Mmmmm, it's good - tastes like Beck's." This is what she says about anything that isn't Miller Lite and certifies that this beverage sucks balls. Apparently, no hops were harmed in the brewing of this beer.

Offer her the rest of the glass - "No, I'm having wine." Great - drain pour. Go out to the cooler, stick the last 4 Ovaltine Diablos in the indoor fridge and tell Mrs. O they're hers ("Thank you!!!" like I just gifted her $1,000 - Moms/Wives are too nice), head back out to the beer fridge and grab a Founders Breakfast Stout for Little O (he loved it, as he should) and a Stone Hibiscusicity for me (I really enjoyed it) and enjoy the rest of the evening with my boy and my bride.

I have 6 bottles left of this nasty stuff (not counting the 4 Mrs. O will drink because they're taking up room in the indoor fridge) - I'm gonna let it age a couple of more months in the basement (maybe until 4th of July), then see if it develops even a modicum of flavor. I also purchased the Amber Ale kit, and I'll probably brew that and bottle it later this spring, but then I'm done. I'll leave the brewing to Hank and the professionals.

Have a great F4 weekend, OTF.

 

[PtownHoosier]

Beer trade!!!!

Or not but that's some funny stuff right there. Not sure the money and effort was a good trade off for the story but still.

I had a really nice time meeting up with Hoops and Mrs. Hoops here on Friday afternoon. He brought an insane amount of 18th Street, Zombie Dust and Alpha King. Based on the three 18th Street beverages I've had and based on Hoop's opinion, 18th Street is absolutely legit. I'll have to send you a picture of the back of Hoop's SUV filled up with beer. Twas a beautiful sight.

 

[ovaltine]

Hoops is the real deal.

I pay attention to a few people when it comes to beverages - you, Hoban, Hank, Matt, CF, and Hoops. And you're right - 18th Street is really cool - Deal With The Devil is most excellent. I need to get my hands on some more of that and some of their other stuff.

It was actually interesting brewing - and capping was BY FAR the most fun part of the entire process. The expenditure ..... meh. But Mr. Beer is a scam (no disrespect to anyone who works for them or knows someone that works for them) - the MBE (Malt Beverage Extract) "kits" they send suck balls. There's no other way to state it.

 

[Hank Reardon]

It's a pretty beer

And it's yours!

No matter how bad you think it is I guarantee someone has handed me something worse. Not much of a compliment but that's all I have.

Anyway, I think you're exaggerating. I'll bet that stuff rocks.

 

[ovaltine]

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

It's terrible.

Truly terrible.

But it is pretty.

 

[Hank Reardon]

Hear me now

One week ago today I was served a commercial beer in a brewpub that was worse than whatever you brewed. And I can say that with confidence without even tasting yours.

Father John's in Bryan OH served me the worst beer I've ever been served. And I don't simply mean the worst commercial beer. I mean it was THE WORST BEER I'VE EVER HAD!. I've brewed 132 batches of beer. Some I've dumped outright. None have been as bad as Father John's St. Francis Steam Ale that they attempted to sell me. I've been handed countless home brews from skilled brewers to first time brewers. None have approached the depths of that (allegedly) professionally brewed ale. Nothing. It was a soured, solventy, gut twisting pint of disaster.*

I swear to you, I'd gladly drink your last three Ovaltine Brewery Diablo IPA's before one more sip of Father John's St. Francis Steam Ale.

*There was clearly something wrong with this beer. There is simply no way that any brewer would purposely craft this. Whatever happened to it I suspect the brewer never tasted it post kegging. If he did and they still sold it, he should be killed. Preferably by forced ingestion of Father John's St. Francis Steam Ale until he expired.