Curious to see how this group answers.
- Thread starter Eppy99
- Start date
Well, Epp, looks like you're the only cheater... who will admit it!
I learned early about the dangers of travel and being out drinking. I was out with friends minding my own business and we were playing darts, when a couple good looking young (they were my age; I was young at the time too!) ladies came over and started chatting and joined us. As the night wore on, they were fun andsmelled heavenly and we were all drinking, but one started cozying up, and flirting a bit and, if not for my friends being there, I might have tried to hit on her. Woke up the next morning, wondering if I'd done something wrong or crossed a line and from that time forward, if I traveled for work, I try not to go out and drink by myself. Grab dinner and head to the room and watch a ballgame or movie. Traveling and alcohol I'd imagine have doomed a lot of folks who otherwise might not be inclined to cheat.
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I've done a lot of overnight travel for business for 30+ years, and I've seen life on the road kill a lot of marriages. I can't do my job without travelling, and I knew that if I cheated it would likely end up either costing me half of everything we had or I wouldn't be able to travel for work anymore - and that would seriously limit my income potential. I can honestly say I've never been seriously tempted, but let's face it - women don't tell their daughters "Play your cards right and you'll land a cabinet man!"
The dumbest one I've ever heard was a guy I know that worked in sales for a major manufacturer - he was having an affair with a woman that worked in his company's main office while at the same time was having to make sales calls with the woman's husband, who worked for one of his customers. Is that wrong? So he would be travelling in a car with the woman's husband making sales calls - how awkward did that have to be? Obviously that one didn't end well - the lovely fired/divorced combo.
The dumbest one I've ever heard was a guy I know that worked in sales for a major manufacturer - he was having an affair with a woman that worked in his company's main office while at the same time was having to make sales calls with the woman's husband, who worked for one of his customers. Is that wrong? So he would be travelling in a car with the woman's husband making sales calls - how awkward did that have to be? Obviously that one didn't end well - the lovely fired/divorced combo.
If there is an attractive woman working at a furniture store, you can go inside and tell her that you want one night stand. See what the reaction would be.
The funny thing about dating in my 50s again and using the dating apps, literally almost every single profile that has anything written at all in it, says "no ONS or FWB" (except for the relatively few I see who are actually seeking FWB). But, dating at 50+, I can tell you it usually doesn't take long and many compromise on the not sleeping on first date thing, but I guess in the anticipation that it will carry on... maybe! Polyamorous and ENM (ethically non-mongamous) are terms that many guys must use and I have seen quite a few profiles excluding that, and of course married dudes. Also seen a handful that say "sex-positive" which I originally shied away from thinking they were positive for something, but just means they like sex... and I might presume, might not be monogamous. Been interesting, but man, it would be hard to date at this age without them. Of the probably 6-8 women I'd have called GFs, I think all but 2 were from dating apps. One was arranged through a mutual friend and the other I met at a concert, even her though I tracked down through Linkedin.
I logged onto a couple of dating apps, created a basic profile and found the exercise mildly depressing. I ended up deleting my profiles. I'm not really interested in dating right now - things just ended with a pretty great woman - but maybe I'll revisit the dating apps eventually.
What I found weird is that since my most recent relationship ended, two women have reached out to me to go out. I kind of know both from friends of friends, but I'm not really interested in either of them. Given that I didn't really make any proclamation or really tell anyone I wasn't dating anyone, it's crazy that these women reached out. I've found that a lot of people want to play matchmaker, but it just seems like an exercise in 'hey we don't want you and our friend to die alone, why don't you date?'
Well, if you're interested in either from a sexual standpoint, that's what I'd tell them: I'm not really looking to date for a relationship right now, but it would be great to have someone to go out and do fun stuff with.
Most guys in their 50s are boring to women I think. I think if you're just willing to have fun, that is attractive to a lot of women, w or wout sex.
It's easier to get a new one when you're in the middle of one.
One = jobs, relationships, or anything else that's deemed "competitive or selective"
jobs? I'd agree. Not for me w relationships. I have found it stressful to try and go out w more than 1 woman at a time. Remembering who said what, who has what kids where, etc... So, I've not been very good at "playing the field" and if I find someone that has some promise, I tend to date them and see where it goes.
Plus sex complicates things. I hate condoms, so that also lends itself to one at a time also.
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Props to you for getting out there.
If you don't want to answer that's totally fine, but which apps have you had most success with? I'm still on the fence about them and haven't paid for any subscriptions, bu in my very limited experience I wasn't impressed. Not saying they wouldn't work, I'm just not overly eager to jump into them right now.
for our age, I've had the best luck w Bumble, and honestly, it's been pretty good. While everyone thinks of Tinder as a hookup site, at our age it's mostly not, but it is more of the wild, wild west! But, just so many fake profiles. I've actually been surprised at the quality of women I met on Bumble (attorneys, doctors, lots of professionals). I did the annual pay thing on Bumble and that I think is worth it. Where do you live? I think it probably works much better in decent size cities; rural would be hard I think.
Do you know how Bumble works? Started by a former female exec from Tinder, and their tweak is that the women is in control. Once you get a match, you can't do anything about it (except extend the match 24 hours if you choose to) and she has to message you first. Can be just "Hey" and often is, but then you have 24 hours to respond. If either doesn't then the match expires. The paid version gives you more extends and I think also allows you to rematch. I think them being in control is why women like it better, but many won't message you and it expires or they unmatch. Don't take offense, it was probably nothing you did (but it may have been!), but I think women stress over this chit a lot more than guys.
And in fairness, I've only used Bumble and Tinder and was happy with those so I never looked at others. I also think they get the most profiles. I've probably seriously dated about 8 women off Bumble and a couple off Tinder. Thats been my experience. Used them for about 5 years I guess.
I'm happy to share more dating advice from my experience (I'm not an expert, but I've had a few folks help me, and I had some f'd up views on women on some ways, so I try and share what i've learned; take it for what it's worth and probably not more than you'll pay, which is nothing!), but be good if we could do that privately. Did they get rid of PMs?
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VanPastorMan
Hall of Famer
Are you saying younger women find guys in their 50's boring or are you talking about women who are in their 50's? In my mind if I was to date a younger woman then I would have to explain all the references I know from songs and movies from my era. I might get bored with her because she just doesn't know anything. Truly I can say this. I would hope that I die first so I don't have to date. My wife and I have been together since we were 16 so you could say I am out of practice. Good luck to you and make sure if you sleep with these women wrap it up my friend. Of course we don't like rubbers but I wouldn't want you to get a disease later in life.
I'm saying most guys 50+ are boring to women. Overweight, overdrinkers (often) and they won't, or don't, do stuff women want. They still want to be taken out, romanced, dance, exercise, go to concerts and events and travel. All I can go off of is what these women tell me, but I learned to be the "fun guy": smile, tease them, genuine compliments, make them feel sexy and F them well and often!
I don't think you can help yourself, but let's make a deal: I won't tell you how to minister to people (except for not exposing your aging flock to covid, which is a health issue and not ministerial) and you don't give me dating and sex tips, OK?
VanPastorMan
Hall of Famer
you didn't offend. I just wish you could discern where you're commenting on stuff you really know very little about. I guess you missed the part where I mentioned dating one at a time, aka monogamous, and I get tested between and ask my partner to as well if I feel it's necessary. You're not preaching to the choir, you're not even in the choir and don't sing. Save that type of advice for your son or family member not a stranger on a message board.
I think they did get rid of PMs. I was looking for that a week or so ago and couldn't find where to do it. There is the possibility that I unknowingly turned that feature off - if someone else knows of a way to turn it back on or access it, that'd be great.
VanPastorMan
Hall of Famer
So you are wearing a condom then? That was my main concern for you. You said you hated wearing them, so in my mind the temptation would be,"She looks clean so I can keep it off this time". Well that time could be the one where you will regret. Not really preaching at you, just concerned for you.
Not going to get an argument from any of us here
Speaking as a woman, you’ve got all the right ideas. I know a lot of single women that aren’t even necessarily looking to marry, but just want someone to do things with, like you mentioned. And Bumble, giving the woman the control, probably helps take away some of the nervousness about online dating and going out with someone you don’t know and isn’t a friend of a friend. One tip for Ohio ( no, it’s not wear a condom 😎 ), on the first meetup just go for a drink or coffee. Dinner dates can be soooo painful when you know immediately there is no attraction. And no ghosting. That’s the worst. Women would rather be told something than just have a guy disappear after going out several times.
well, let me know if you want me to try and share some of what I've learned, but you may have a better grasp on women than I did. I can get you my email, but don't want to leave it up on here. How long have you been single? And, again, back to the women who contacted you, that's a huge compliment in my book, so don't see it as odd. It means they see you as attractive, and it also means what I've found: the dating pool is shallow for good women our age, so they were just putting out a feeler, congrats!
If you want some dating advice and more your approach and how to treat women, especially early in dating, check out a guy on youtube: Coach Corey Wayne. You can view his videos, and he has hundreds and pick the topics you want. Alot of his views sound f'd, but generally he's right and it's like any self-help, junk the stuff that doesn't fit, but give some of it a try and I've found he's mostly right. Especially the parts on teasing them, not showering them with praise, listening and genuine compliments, not responding immediately to their texts and not being their texting buddy, and letting them mostly contact you at first. Sounds hokey, but it generally works.
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I hate bad dates, so I do a fair amount of texting, teasing and flirting before I'll even go out so I know if there's chemistry, but you're right, I prefer something shorter to begin with and you can always leave it open ended... grab a coffee and go for a walk or bike ride and maybe get a drink after if we're having fun. Also agree on telling women before unmatching. Never had one not take it well I don't think. You should watch a couple Corey Wayne videos on how to talk/text to women early, I'd be interested to hear a women's view but I've found he's mostly right on that stuff and I had it totally f'd up.
Thank you - I know now that I'm not the only person clueless as to what those acronyms meant.
Your condoms bit had me laughing. I'm sure you already know this so I'm probably pissing in the wind but I remember in my single days and after divorce they make those super thin condoms and if you wear them enough you actually do get used to them. I suspect it makes your dates feel a little more comfortable too. Best of luck. That stuff isn't easy. And as an aside i love at Walgreens where they keep the condoms it's either locked or a ringing/alarm goes off every time you open the case to pull a box out. Fing hell. Dating when you're older isn't for the faint of heart, but it sounds like you are doing well with it
"The dating pool is shallow for good women our age." Can always go younger....
one night stand and friend with benefits... gotta learn your acronyms if you're using dating apps!
