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Friday Funnies

An elderly Scottish Jew has decided to take it a little easier and take up golf. So he puts his name down at the local club. After a week he receives a message that his application has been turned down. So he goes down to the club to enquire why.

Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?

Scot: Aye but I am as Scottish as you are Jock.

Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear kilts.

Scot: Aye, so do I.

Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under our kilts?

Scot: Aye, neither do I.

Secretary: But you are a Jew?

Scot: Aye, I be that.

Secretary: So you are circumcised?

Scot: Aye, I be that too.

Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable with that.

Scot: Ach, away with ya man. I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen. I know that you have to be a Catholic to become a Knight of Columbus. But this is the first time I heard that you have to be a complete prick to join a golf club.​



and a chick...

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Reality Tuesday

The Cignetti Plan worked. So far.

Cig brought in a core team and an intact staff. He recruited experience and proven production that had been demonstrated against comparable talent in their leagues. Didn’t shoot for unhappy, non-playing 4-star and 5-star “generational talents” in the minds of their hometowners who chose to ride the Headline Waves to the bench at a “name” school.

This “execution over mind games” built his team quickly into one that could beat a CUSA team solidly, then stomp a defenseless 1AA team.

In our first test against what should have been a team with “better talent,” we still avoided the “mind games” and stomped the heck out of Mind Central in MindGameWood. We were prepared. They were not. Still.

We executed at an incredibly high level and whipped a mediocre, poorly-prepared team in our league opener.

Now we face jet lag and a short week in soft beds for a noon kickoff on a hot day against an AAC team that has not yet played to an AAC standard. They lost to a weakened JMU team, then played pretty well against a rebuilding UNC. We won’t fool them - only UCLA took that bait. I think they have less talent than UCLA.

TCB Saturday. Get to 4-0. Don’t listen to The Rat Poison Sales Team.

Beat Charlotte. Build a small statement-making fan-friendly game-changing dome for the New Pro College Football Era. Oops.

Pre Charlotte national stats

Most of us probably saw these numbers on the IU site.
We were 110th in penalties. That I sort of expected after all the flags against UCLA. Is there a “smart aggression”?
What did surprise me were the red zone stats. Offense 57th and defense 101st. Anyone have an idea of the why?
Special teams was 66th. Maybe brought down by the kickoff man being out?
I ignored the poor 4th down conversion rank. It seems to me that if you are behind and have to go for a fourth and short you may have a good conversion rate but the stat may not mean a good team.

Big 10 grades to this point...........

My grades for BT teams relative to expectations to date.....

1. Indiana...A

2. USC... A. Everyone thought the D would be better, but what a job by the former UCLA DC. I expected the O to be what it is.

3. Illinois...B+. I have to give props to Illinois for that Kansas win, although I thought it somewhat of a fluke. I think Kansas beats them 8 out of 10 even when played at Illinois. But Altmeyer is a really good QB and BB has them playing hard, although the talent level isn't real high. I would expect the grade to drop here as the year goes on. In particular, I think Nebraska beats them by 14 at Neb this WE.

4. MSU...B+. I don't think MSU will be good, but they don't look like a bottom 3-4 BT team. The Maryland win on the road was a good one, and they had the shutout yesterday against PV. The 1st game v. FAU wasn't impressive, however.

5. Nebraska...B. I think the Colorado win is an overrated one, but they have not disappointed. They look solid.

6. OSU...B. As advertised. Is the QB good enough against top-flight competition?

7. Rutgers...B. They've taken care of business against 2 weak teams. Again, solid. The ex-MN QB is not good, but is an improvement over last year.

8. PSU...B-. The WV game was a good one, but the BG win was alarming, both on O and on D.

89 Maryland...C+. They blew the MSU game at home, but came back with a solid road win at Virginia. Billy Edwards at QB is better than expected. They have some talent. Coaching??

10. Minnesota...C+. Bad loss to UNC at home, but something of a fluke. Ex- NH QB is about as good as expected. Two shutouts v. bad teams by a combined 75-0. The defense is feisty, and they have their TB back. Row the Boat can coach. I expect their grade to go up.

11. Oregon...C. Very nice win v. Oregon St on the road after two disappointing efforts. Gabriel is as advertised in this O. But doesn't look like pre-season expectations will be met.

12. NW...C. Really about as expected. Duke game could have gone either way. They play hard, but have no stars, even small ones.

13. Washington...C-.. As expected, an immense talent drain from last year. They beat Washington St at least 6/10 at home tho. Just a lot of penalties. Coaching seems pretty mediocre to me....not bad, but not all that.

14. Michigan...D-. Just amazing that they start a walk-on QB, especially one with no talent. And the back-up is apparently worse. So far they've been undisciplined on both sides of the ball. They have no really good WRs. They may lose 5-6 games.

15. Iowa...D-. Should have beat ISU, obviously. Yesterday was also a bad effort. KF won't give up on CM, and the fans are going nuts about it. He is one stubborn SOB. As bad as the O is, it's better than last year. The OL is better and K. Williams is a stud TB. Biggest problem is the D, although looking stout 90% of the time, is giving up some back-breaking long passes.

16. UCLA...F. Foster looks completely lost. Hawaii game was also bad.

17. Purdue...F. I've probably watch some or all of 1000 college football games in my life. I've never seen a worse effort than Purdue against ND in that 1st half in what was advertised as a big game.
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