So I found out today......

[Eppy99]

So I found out today (yesterday now) my 81 year old dad is being forced to retire next Thursday. I received a text from two of his partners that they needed to speak with my brother and I immediately. My dad is a successful attorney who has practiced law "his" way. In a time when I"m told there aren't many General Practioners, he's one of the good ones left. He and his orignail parter who has now since passed built a small independent practice and played the game on their own terms. My dad loves his work! I mean it's really a labor of love. The man goes into the office 7 days a week. The man refuses to get anesthesia when he has a colonscopy just so he can go back to the office. You'd think someone like that is married to his work and might just be neglectful to this kids. While he wasn't exactly the greatest dad, it wasn't because he was absent. In fact unless he had a trial in another city, he made it home for dinner every night of the week. But he loves going to the office. He has routinely said I will retire the day they put me in the ground. Being that my dad is also a horses ass, we've always been happy he has a labor of love to keep himself busy. The idea of retirment and my dad don't go along. The man has traveled the world, he goes out of his way to meet pepole of other cultures and learn their culture and food. I can't tell you how many clients he's made just by talking to strangers. He's taught law classes in other countries including Iraq, Mongolia and Poland. He's met the Dalai Lama and represented his brother for years. We've hiked to Everest Base Camp together. This was his third trip. He was one of the original founders of the Sci-fi channel and worked alongside Leonary Nemoy in it's earliest interation. He's had mulitple cases go to the Supreme Court. The man has lived his life by his own rules professionally and personally. My dad is also very, very private. He doesn't like to talk about his own health. It's actually been an issue my brother and I have pushed him about. We feel he has a repsonsibilty to share his health history if anything would be relevant to our own well being. My dad has always had terrible eye sight. For years he's needed cataract surgery on both eyes. I didn't quite understand until this year why he's put it off. Apparently my dad since he's been a kid has almost been legally blind in one of his eyes. He had surgery on one of his cataracts earlier this year. For some reason he had refused to get the other one done. The fear was there might be complications with this eye that has failed him for so long. It's incredible to me the amount of reading professionally and personally he's pushed himself through. He reads 2-3 books a week for enjoyment. HIs fear with getting surgery is if there's a complication he wouldn't be able to practice law.

So fast forward to today. My brother and I spoke with his current partners. When we heard he would be forced out next week we were left with a lot of questions. Apparently for the last couple of years he's been making LOTS of mistakes. The kind of mistakes that could cause his small firm to lose their malpractice insurance. Nobody wants this job of sitting down with him next week but it's happening and there's nothing I can do about it and he was heading towards a path of losing his license. He began forgetting details, forgetting to send exhibits and relying on his associated to carry the load. He may be somewhat aware of his situation, but if so he's certainly in denail. It seems his cognitive skills are now failing him or he's just starting to act 81.

Thanks for allowing me to use this as a place to process my thoughts and journal. Has anyone experienced something similar with a parent? I’d welcome your comments/suggestons.

 

[Bowlmania]

To everything there is a season.

Sounds like he’s had a helluva run.

 

[All4You]

So I found out today (yesterday now) my 81 year old dad is being forced to retire next Thursday. I received a text from two of his partners that they needed to speak with my brother and I immediately. My dad is a successful attorney who has practiced law "his" way. In a time when I"m told there aren't many General Practioners, he's one of the good ones left. He and his orignail parter who has now since passed built a small independent practice and played the game on their own terms. My dad loves his work! I mean it's really a labor of love. The man goes into the office 7 days a week. The man refuses to get anesthesia when he has a colonscopy just so he can go back to the office. You'd think someone like that is married to his work and might just be neglectful to this kids. While he wasn't exactly the greatest dad, it wasn't because he was absent. In fact unless he had a trial in another city, he made it home for dinner every night of the week. But he loves going to the office. He has routinely said I will retire the day they put me in the ground. Being that my dad is also a horses ass, we've always been happy he has a labor of love to keep himself busy. The idea of retirment and my dad don't go along. The man has traveled the world, he goes out of his way to meet pepole of other cultures and learn their culture and food. I can't tell you how many clients he's made just by talking to strangers. He's taught law classes in other countries including Iraq, Mongolia and Poland. He's met the Dalai Lama and represented his brother for years. We've hiked to Everest Base Camp together. This was his third trip. He was one of the original founders of the Sci-fi channel and worked alongside Leonary Nemoy in it's earliest interation. He's had mulitple cases go to the Supreme Court. The man has lived his life by his own rules professionally and personally. My dad is also very, very private. He doesn't like to talk about his own health. It's actually been an issue my brother and I have pushed him about. We feel he has a repsonsibilty to share his health history if anything would be relevant to our own well being. My dad has always had terrible eye sight. For years he's needed cataract surgery on both eyes. I didn't quite understand until this year why he's put it off. Apparently my dad since he's been a kid has almost been legally blind in one of his eyes. He had surgery on one of his cataracts earlier this year. For some reason he had refused to get the other one done. The fear was there might be complications with this eye that has failed him for so long. It's incredible to me the amount of reading professionally and personally he's pushed himself through. He reads 2-3 books a week for enjoyment. HIs fear with getting surgery is if there's a complication he wouldn't be able to practice law.

So fast forward to today. My brother and I spoke with his current partners. When we heard he would be forced out next week we were left with a lot of questions. Apparently for the last couple of years he's been making LOTS of mistakes. The kind of mistakes that could cause his small firm to lose their malpractice insurance. Nobody wants this job of sitting down with him next week but it's happening and there's nothing I can do about it and he was heading towards a path of losing his license. He began forgetting details, forgetting to send exhibits and relying on his associated to carry the load. He may be somewhat aware of his situation, but if so he's certainly in denail. It seems his cognitive skills are now failing him or he's just starting to act 81.

Thanks for allowing me to use this as a place to process my thoughts and journal. Has anyone experienced something similar with a parent? I’d welcome your comments/suggestons.

TL;DR...

Just kidding, I read every word and if the picture you paint of this man is even remotely accurate, don't pussyfoot around it. He reminds me of a man who values honesty, no matter how brutal or direct it may be. He has carved out a life in a vocation that demands an outsized attention to detail and had to realize that at some point this day would come. But it doesn't need to be an ending, just a fork in the road. He has a type of wealth to share that is more valuable than all the money in the world, and that is his experience. I am sure through his long career he has developed friendships and a vast network that could put him in front of young people who would benefit from his experiences.

 

[Mark Milton]

So I found out today (yesterday now) my 81 year old dad is being forced to retire next Thursday. I received a text from two of his partners that they needed to speak with my brother and I immediately. My dad is a successful attorney who has practiced law "his" way. In a time when I"m told there aren't many General Practioners, he's one of the good ones left. He and his orignail parter who has now since passed built a small independent practice and played the game on their own terms. My dad loves his work! I mean it's really a labor of love. The man goes into the office 7 days a week. The man refuses to get anesthesia when he has a colonscopy just so he can go back to the office. You'd think someone like that is married to his work and might just be neglectful to this kids. While he wasn't exactly the greatest dad, it wasn't because he was absent. In fact unless he had a trial in another city, he made it home for dinner every night of the week. But he loves going to the office. He has routinely said I will retire the day they put me in the ground. Being that my dad is also a horses ass, we've always been happy he has a labor of love to keep himself busy. The idea of retirment and my dad don't go along. The man has traveled the world, he goes out of his way to meet pepole of other cultures and learn their culture and food. I can't tell you how many clients he's made just by talking to strangers. He's taught law classes in other countries including Iraq, Mongolia and Poland. He's met the Dalai Lama and represented his brother for years. We've hiked to Everest Base Camp together. This was his third trip. He was one of the original founders of the Sci-fi channel and worked alongside Leonary Nemoy in it's earliest interation. He's had mulitple cases go to the Supreme Court. The man has lived his life by his own rules professionally and personally. My dad is also very, very private. He doesn't like to talk about his own health. It's actually been an issue my brother and I have pushed him about. We feel he has a repsonsibilty to share his health history if anything would be relevant to our own well being. My dad has always had terrible eye sight. For years he's needed cataract surgery on both eyes. I didn't quite understand until this year why he's put it off. Apparently my dad since he's been a kid has almost been legally blind in one of his eyes. He had surgery on one of his cataracts earlier this year. For some reason he had refused to get the other one done. The fear was there might be complications with this eye that has failed him for so long. It's incredible to me the amount of reading professionally and personally he's pushed himself through. He reads 2-3 books a week for enjoyment. HIs fear with getting surgery is if there's a complication he wouldn't be able to practice law.

So fast forward to today. My brother and I spoke with his current partners. When we heard he would be forced out next week we were left with a lot of questions. Apparently for the last couple of years he's been making LOTS of mistakes. The kind of mistakes that could cause his small firm to lose their malpractice insurance. Nobody wants this job of sitting down with him next week but it's happening and there's nothing I can do about it and he was heading towards a path of losing his license. He began forgetting details, forgetting to send exhibits and relying on his associated to carry the load. He may be somewhat aware of his situation, but if so he's certainly in denail. It seems his cognitive skills are now failing him or he's just starting to act 81.

Thanks for allowing me to use this as a place to process my thoughts and journal. Has anyone experienced something similar with a parent? I’d welcome your comments/suggestons.

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like your old man was a baller. Keep his mind sharp. Bring him to the Water Cooler Book Club where the initiation is to read Moby Dick. Other than that, it is pot pies and Mountain Dew for everyone

 

[Eppy99]

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like your old man was a baller. Keep his mind sharp. Bring him to the Water Cooler Book Club where the initiation is to read Moby Dick. Other than that, it is pot pies and Mountain Dew for everyone

Funny, he tried giving my oldest daughter a copy of Moby Dick. None of my kids want to read it. It’s kind of a running joke in our family but my girls often try and repackage it as a gift to eachother. Sort of rickrolling of books. They all say it's incredible boring. He drops books off to our house all the damn time.

 

[Eppy99]

TL;DR...

Just kidding, I read every word and if the picture you paint of this man is even remotely accurate, don't pussyfoot around it. He reminds me of a man who values honesty, no matter how brutal or direct it may be. He has carved out a life in a vocation that demands an outsized attention to detail and had to realize that at some point this day would come. But it doesn't need to be an ending, just a fork in the road. He has a type of wealth to share that is more valuable than all the money in the world, and that is his experience. I am sure through his long career he has developed friendships and a vast network that could put him in front of young people who would benefit from his experiences.

You know it's appropriate given this is an IU site, but I've always thought of him as kind of Bob Knight personality. He does things his way and loves to help others, but he's also got a heavy dose of narcission to him.

 

[BradStevens]

Funny, he tried giving my oldest daughter a copy of Moby Dick. None of my kids want to read it. It’s kind of a running joke in our family but my girls often try and repackage it as a gift to eachother. Sort of rickrolling of books. They all say it's incredible boring. He drops books off to our house all the damn time.

I've never met the man, but I love him.

 

[VanPastorMan]

So I found out today (yesterday now) my 81 year old dad is being forced to retire next Thursday. I received a text from two of his partners that they needed to speak with my brother and I immediately. My dad is a successful attorney who has practiced law "his" way. In a time when I"m told there aren't many General Practioners, he's one of the good ones left. He and his orignail parter who has now since passed built a small independent practice and played the game on their own terms. My dad loves his work! I mean it's really a labor of love. The man goes into the office 7 days a week. The man refuses to get anesthesia when he has a colonscopy just so he can go back to the office. You'd think someone like that is married to his work and might just be neglectful to this kids. While he wasn't exactly the greatest dad, it wasn't because he was absent. In fact unless he had a trial in another city, he made it home for dinner every night of the week. But he loves going to the office. He has routinely said I will retire the day they put me in the ground. Being that my dad is also a horses ass, we've always been happy he has a labor of love to keep himself busy. The idea of retirment and my dad don't go along. The man has traveled the world, he goes out of his way to meet pepole of other cultures and learn their culture and food. I can't tell you how many clients he's made just by talking to strangers. He's taught law classes in other countries including Iraq, Mongolia and Poland. He's met the Dalai Lama and represented his brother for years. We've hiked to Everest Base Camp together. This was his third trip. He was one of the original founders of the Sci-fi channel and worked alongside Leonary Nemoy in it's earliest interation. He's had mulitple cases go to the Supreme Court. The man has lived his life by his own rules professionally and personally. My dad is also very, very private. He doesn't like to talk about his own health. It's actually been an issue my brother and I have pushed him about. We feel he has a repsonsibilty to share his health history if anything would be relevant to our own well being. My dad has always had terrible eye sight. For years he's needed cataract surgery on both eyes. I didn't quite understand until this year why he's put it off. Apparently my dad since he's been a kid has almost been legally blind in one of his eyes. He had surgery on one of his cataracts earlier this year. For some reason he had refused to get the other one done. The fear was there might be complications with this eye that has failed him for so long. It's incredible to me the amount of reading professionally and personally he's pushed himself through. He reads 2-3 books a week for enjoyment. HIs fear with getting surgery is if there's a complication he wouldn't be able to practice law.

So fast forward to today. My brother and I spoke with his current partners. When we heard he would be forced out next week we were left with a lot of questions. Apparently for the last couple of years he's been making LOTS of mistakes. The kind of mistakes that could cause his small firm to lose their malpractice insurance. Nobody wants this job of sitting down with him next week but it's happening and there's nothing I can do about it and he was heading towards a path of losing his license. He began forgetting details, forgetting to send exhibits and relying on his associated to carry the load. He may be somewhat aware of his situation, but if so he's certainly in denail. It seems his cognitive skills are now failing him or he's just starting to act 81.

Thanks for allowing me to use this as a place to process my thoughts and journal. Has anyone experienced something similar with a parent? I’d welcome your comments/suggestons.

Your Dad sounds amazing. I hope he can find some other ways to use his time so he can be blessed. Maybe he could be a mentor to younger lawyers or something like that.

 

[Eppy99]

Your Dad sounds amazing. I hope he can find some other ways to use his time so he can be blessed. Maybe he could be a mentor to younger lawyers or something like that.

That would be great. One of his issues has been changing with the advent of technology. He still dictates all his letters. He runs through secretaries like Indian food through me. He literally needs some 80 year old woman with antiquated skills.

 

[mcmurtry66]

So I found out today (yesterday now) my 81 year old dad is being forced to retire next Thursday. I received a text from two of his partners that they needed to speak with my brother and I immediately. My dad is a successful attorney who has practiced law "his" way. In a time when I"m told there aren't many General Practioners, he's one of the good ones left. He and his orignail parter who has now since passed built a small independent practice and played the game on their own terms. My dad loves his work! I mean it's really a labor of love. The man goes into the office 7 days a week. The man refuses to get anesthesia when he has a colonscopy just so he can go back to the office. You'd think someone like that is married to his work and might just be neglectful to this kids. While he wasn't exactly the greatest dad, it wasn't because he was absent. In fact unless he had a trial in another city, he made it home for dinner every night of the week. But he loves going to the office. He has routinely said I will retire the day they put me in the ground. Being that my dad is also a horses ass, we've always been happy he has a labor of love to keep himself busy. The idea of retirment and my dad don't go along. The man has traveled the world, he goes out of his way to meet pepole of other cultures and learn their culture and food. I can't tell you how many clients he's made just by talking to strangers. He's taught law classes in other countries including Iraq, Mongolia and Poland. He's met the Dalai Lama and represented his brother for years. We've hiked to Everest Base Camp together. This was his third trip. He was one of the original founders of the Sci-fi channel and worked alongside Leonary Nemoy in it's earliest interation. He's had mulitple cases go to the Supreme Court. The man has lived his life by his own rules professionally and personally. My dad is also very, very private. He doesn't like to talk about his own health. It's actually been an issue my brother and I have pushed him about. We feel he has a repsonsibilty to share his health history if anything would be relevant to our own well being. My dad has always had terrible eye sight. For years he's needed cataract surgery on both eyes. I didn't quite understand until this year why he's put it off. Apparently my dad since he's been a kid has almost been legally blind in one of his eyes. He had surgery on one of his cataracts earlier this year. For some reason he had refused to get the other one done. The fear was there might be complications with this eye that has failed him for so long. It's incredible to me the amount of reading professionally and personally he's pushed himself through. He reads 2-3 books a week for enjoyment. HIs fear with getting surgery is if there's a complication he wouldn't be able to practice law.

So fast forward to today. My brother and I spoke with his current partners. When we heard he would be forced out next week we were left with a lot of questions. Apparently for the last couple of years he's been making LOTS of mistakes. The kind of mistakes that could cause his small firm to lose their malpractice insurance. Nobody wants this job of sitting down with him next week but it's happening and there's nothing I can do about it and he was heading towards a path of losing his license. He began forgetting details, forgetting to send exhibits and relying on his associated to carry the load. He may be somewhat aware of his situation, but if so he's certainly in denail. It seems his cognitive skills are now failing him or he's just starting to act 81.

Thanks for allowing me to use this as a place to process my thoughts and journal. Has anyone experienced something similar with a parent? I’d welcome your comments/suggestons.

Your pop is a stud

 

[Aloha Hoosier]

Funny, he tried giving my oldest daughter a copy of Moby Dick. None of my kids want to read it. It’s kind of a running joke in our family but my girls often try and repackage it as a gift to eachother. Sort of rickrolling of books. They all say it's incredible boring. He drops books off to our house all the damn time.

I loved Moby Dick. Takes a bit to get used to the style though.

 

[mcmurtry66]

I loved Moby Dick. Takes a bit to get used to the style though.

Me too

 

[dr.jb]

You know it's appropriate given this is an IU site, but I've always thought of him as kind of Bob Knight personality. He does things his way and loves to help others, but he's also got a heavy dose of narcission to him.

buy him a subscription to this site

he can argue with everyone here instead of in court



seriously, i hope it all works out

 

[mcmurtry66]

So I found out today (yesterday now) my 81 year old dad is being forced to retire next Thursday. I received a text from two of his partners that they needed to speak with my brother and I immediately. My dad is a successful attorney who has practiced law "his" way. In a time when I"m told there aren't many General Practioners, he's one of the good ones left. He and his orignail parter who has now since passed built a small independent practice and played the game on their own terms. My dad loves his work! I mean it's really a labor of love. The man goes into the office 7 days a week. The man refuses to get anesthesia when he has a colonscopy just so he can go back to the office. You'd think someone like that is married to his work and might just be neglectful to this kids. While he wasn't exactly the greatest dad, it wasn't because he was absent. In fact unless he had a trial in another city, he made it home for dinner every night of the week. But he loves going to the office. He has routinely said I will retire the day they put me in the ground. Being that my dad is also a horses ass, we've always been happy he has a labor of love to keep himself busy. The idea of retirment and my dad don't go along. The man has traveled the world, he goes out of his way to meet pepole of other cultures and learn their culture and food. I can't tell you how many clients he's made just by talking to strangers. He's taught law classes in other countries including Iraq, Mongolia and Poland. He's met the Dalai Lama and represented his brother for years. We've hiked to Everest Base Camp together. This was his third trip. He was one of the original founders of the Sci-fi channel and worked alongside Leonary Nemoy in it's earliest interation. He's had mulitple cases go to the Supreme Court. The man has lived his life by his own rules professionally and personally. My dad is also very, very private. He doesn't like to talk about his own health. It's actually been an issue my brother and I have pushed him about. We feel he has a repsonsibilty to share his health history if anything would be relevant to our own well being. My dad has always had terrible eye sight. For years he's needed cataract surgery on both eyes. I didn't quite understand until this year why he's put it off. Apparently my dad since he's been a kid has almost been legally blind in one of his eyes. He had surgery on one of his cataracts earlier this year. For some reason he had refused to get the other one done. The fear was there might be complications with this eye that has failed him for so long. It's incredible to me the amount of reading professionally and personally he's pushed himself through. He reads 2-3 books a week for enjoyment. HIs fear with getting surgery is if there's a complication he wouldn't be able to practice law.

So fast forward to today. My brother and I spoke with his current partners. When we heard he would be forced out next week we were left with a lot of questions. Apparently for the last couple of years he's been making LOTS of mistakes. The kind of mistakes that could cause his small firm to lose their malpractice insurance. Nobody wants this job of sitting down with him next week but it's happening and there's nothing I can do about it and he was heading towards a path of losing his license. He began forgetting details, forgetting to send exhibits and relying on his associated to carry the load. He may be somewhat aware of his situation, but if so he's certainly in denail. It seems his cognitive skills are now failing him or he's just starting to act 81.

Thanks for allowing me to use this as a place to process my thoughts and journal. Has anyone experienced something similar with a parent? I’d welcome your comments/suggestons.

I do have something to add. Tell the partners he needs an office. And that while he’s slowed down and won’t be handling matters for coverage and other reasons they’d love for him to come and use his office as he pleases, to post on Peegs, to read, to hide out, so they can pick his brain from time to time, socialize, etc. Lots of firms let the old guys keep an office if they want.

 

[Joe_Hoopsier]

I loved Moby Dick. Takes a bit to get used to the style though.

Oh this should be fun..

 

[UncleMark]

I do have something to add. Tell the partners he needs an office. And that while he’s slowed down and won’t be handling matters for coverage and other reasons they’d love for him to come and use his office as he pleases, to post on Peegs, to read, to hide out, so they can pick his brain from time to time, socialize, etc. Lots of firms let the old guys keep an office if they want.

Beat me to it. Don't firms give some kind of "of counsel" status to old partners and keep them on the masthead? Let him sit in on conference meetings and stuff, have the young associates ask him for "advise", give him a flunkie to write up his stuff, etc, just don't give him any real responsibility. Of course, assuming he's still got his faculties, he'll know what's happening, but if it's made clear that the alternative is to totally step down and step out, he might learn to like his new status.

One thing I learned when I was dealing with my mother and her dementia was that you can make things worse by trying accommodating their wishes. I waited too long before totally taking over and making the hard decisions. She was really really pissed at me, but acquiesced when I made it plain to her that it was no longer an option to do it her way.

 

[mcmurtry66]

Beat me to it. Don't firms give some kind of "of counsel" status to old partners and keep them on the masthead? Let him sit in on conference meetings and stuff, have the young associates ask him for "advise", give him a flunkie to write up his stuff, etc, just don't give him any real responsibility. Of course, assuming he's still got his faculties, he'll know what's happening, but if it's made clear that the alternative is to totally step down and step out, he might learn to like his new status.

One thing I learned when I was dealing with my mother and her dementia was that you can make things worse by trying accommodating their wishes. I waited too long before totally taking over and making the hard decisions. She was really really pissed at me, but acquiesced when I made it plain to her that it was no longer an option to do it her way.

Yup. They do. And even if they do t want to go that far then do as I said without any titles. Gives him somewhere to go

 

[mcmurtry66]

Beat me to it. Don't firms give some kind of "of counsel" status to old partners and keep them on the masthead? Let him sit in on conference meetings and stuff, have the young associates ask him for "advise", give him a flunkie to write up his stuff, etc, just don't give him any real responsibility. Of course, assuming he's still got his faculties, he'll know what's happening, but if it's made clear that the alternative is to totally step down and step out, he might learn to like his new status.

One thing I learned when I was dealing with my mother and her dementia was that you can make things worse by trying accommodating their wishes. I waited too long before totally taking over and making the hard decisions. She was really really pissed at me, but acquiesced when I made it plain to her that it was no longer an option to do it her way.

My old boss is 83. Goes to the office every day. That’s his life. He’s not doing anything real

 

[Mark Milton]

I do have something to add. Tell the partners he needs an office. And that while he’s slowed down and won’t be handling matters for coverage and other reasons they’d love for him to come and use his office as he pleases, to post on Peegs, to read, to hide out, so they can pick his brain from time to time, socialize, etc. Lots of firms let the old guys keep an office if they want.

Hell yah

 

[mcmurtry66]

Hell yah

A lot of them old goats end up mediators. I’ll tell you guys a story. Bitch you took twenty minutes to arrange your coffee and your pills and now you have a story. We did the two hour flat fee where we get dinged for every second we run over. This is a trick!!!

Keep ‘em in offices

 

[Mark Milton]

A lot of them old goats end up mediators. I’ll tell you guys a story. Bitch you took twenty minutes to arrange your coffee and your pills and now you have a story. We did the two hour flat fee where we get dinged for every second we run over. This is a trick!!!

Keep ‘em in offices

I love serving as a mediator and arbitrator I do about 2 mediations a month and maybe 3 times a year sir as an arbitrator. ZERO STRESS!!

 

[mcmurtry66]

I love serving as a mediator and arbitrator I do about 2 mediations a month and maybe 3 times a year sir as an arbitrator. ZERO STRESS!!

Bastard. Free money

 

[Mark Milton]

Bastard. Free money

Hahahah

I work my ass off though. The carrying numbers to and fro is horseshit. I dig in hard, but there is zero stress, so feels like free money.

 

[mcmurtry66]

Hahahah

I work my ass off though. The carrying numbers to and fro is horseshit. I dig in hard, but there is zero stress, so feels like free money.

Construction right? AAA AIA construction rules and all that?

 

[Mark Milton]

Construction right? AAA AIA construction rules and all that?

All private but 80% construction and 20% commercial lit. Most of the construction lawyers I deal with want to stay away from AAA because of the high fees. As such, as a party, we are generally just picking guys that we know. Saves a ton of money and accomplishes the same.

 

[mcmurtry66]

All private but 80% construction and 20% commercial lit. Most of the construction lawyers I deal with want to stay away from AAA because of the high fees. As such, as a party, we are generally just picking guys that we know. Saves a ton of money and accomplishes the same.

Nice! That’s better.

 

[iuwclurker]

So I found out today (yesterday now) my 81 year old dad is being forced to retire next Thursday. I received a text from two of his partners that they needed to speak with my brother and I immediately. My dad is a successful attorney who has practiced law "his" way. In a time when I"m told there aren't many General Practioners, he's one of the good ones left. He and his orignail parter who has now since passed built a small independent practice and played the game on their own terms. My dad loves his work! I mean it's really a labor of love. The man goes into the office 7 days a week. The man refuses to get anesthesia when he has a colonscopy just so he can go back to the office. You'd think someone like that is married to his work and might just be neglectful to this kids. While he wasn't exactly the greatest dad, it wasn't because he was absent. In fact unless he had a trial in another city, he made it home for dinner every night of the week. But he loves going to the office. He has routinely said I will retire the day they put me in the ground. Being that my dad is also a horses ass, we've always been happy he has a labor of love to keep himself busy. The idea of retirment and my dad don't go along. The man has traveled the world, he goes out of his way to meet pepole of other cultures and learn their culture and food. I can't tell you how many clients he's made just by talking to strangers. He's taught law classes in other countries including Iraq, Mongolia and Poland. He's met the Dalai Lama and represented his brother for years. We've hiked to Everest Base Camp together. This was his third trip. He was one of the original founders of the Sci-fi channel and worked alongside Leonary Nemoy in it's earliest interation. He's had mulitple cases go to the Supreme Court. The man has lived his life by his own rules professionally and personally. My dad is also very, very private. He doesn't like to talk about his own health. It's actually been an issue my brother and I have pushed him about. We feel he has a repsonsibilty to share his health history if anything would be relevant to our own well being. My dad has always had terrible eye sight. For years he's needed cataract surgery on both eyes. I didn't quite understand until this year why he's put it off. Apparently my dad since he's been a kid has almost been legally blind in one of his eyes. He had surgery on one of his cataracts earlier this year. For some reason he had refused to get the other one done. The fear was there might be complications with this eye that has failed him for so long. It's incredible to me the amount of reading professionally and personally he's pushed himself through. He reads 2-3 books a week for enjoyment. HIs fear with getting surgery is if there's a complication he wouldn't be able to practice law.

So fast forward to today. My brother and I spoke with his current partners. When we heard he would be forced out next week we were left with a lot of questions. Apparently for the last couple of years he's been making LOTS of mistakes. The kind of mistakes that could cause his small firm to lose their malpractice insurance. Nobody wants this job of sitting down with him next week but it's happening and there's nothing I can do about it and he was heading towards a path of losing his license. He began forgetting details, forgetting to send exhibits and relying on his associated to carry the load. He may be somewhat aware of his situation, but if so he's certainly in denail. It seems his cognitive skills are now failing him or he's just starting to act 81.

Thanks for allowing me to use this as a place to process my thoughts and journal. Has anyone experienced something similar with a parent? I’d welcome your comments/suggestons.

Yes, with my mom who led a comparably dynamic and successful life. Two thoughts off the top of my head:

Duty
If your father is like my mom, he’s driven by duty. Duty is the highest motivation, money is the lowest. My mom dropped all her duties to take care of my dad at the end. When he died, she had nothing to do. It basically ruined her. She felt useless.

I don’t know what the solution is for your father, but somehow you and/or he needs to find some semblance of duty that he finds fulfilling.

Next week’s conversation
It doesn’t sound like your father is as far gone as my mom was even though she only had mild cognitive impairment. But one amazing thing I found with her was if I asked her something personal she was at a loss for words to respond. If however, I asked her what she would say if one of her students asked her this question, she suddenly reverted to her previously Highly rational self and proceeded to speak for five or 10 minutes in a completely cogent manner.

All that to say, if he and you are having a really hard time of it coming to grips with his release from duties, you might try asking him what he would say if he had to advise somebody else on such a matter.

Best wishes!

 

[mcmurtry66]

All private but 80% construction and 20% commercial lit. Most of the construction lawyers I deal with want to stay away from AAA because of the high fees. As such, as a party, we are generally just picking guys that we know. Saves a ton of money and accomplishes the same.

That shit gets pricey when the amount in dispute is high

 

[Mark Milton]

Yes, with my mom who led a comparably dynamic and successful life. Two thoughts off the top of my head:

Duty
If your father is like my mom, he’s driven by duty. Duty is the highest motivation, money is the lowest. My mom dropped all her duties to take care of my dad at the end. When he died, she had nothing to do. It basically ruined her. She felt useless.

I don’t know what the solution is for your father, but somehow you and/or he needs to find some semblance of duty that he finds fulfilling.

Next week’s conversation
It doesn’t sound like your father is as far gone as my mom was even though she only had mild cognitive impairment. But one amazing thing I found with her was if I asked her something personal she was at a loss for words to respond. If however, I asked her what she would say if one of her students asked her this question, she suddenly reverted to her previously Highly rational self and proceeded to speak for five or 10 minutes in a completely cogent manner.

All that to say, if he and you are having a really hard time of it coming to grips with his release from duties, you might try asking him what he would say if he had to advise somebody else on such a matter.

Best wishes!

This is a great post.

 

[Mark Milton]

That shit gets pricey when the amount in dispute is high

That racket is real. 100%. And AAA is lousy

 

[UncleMark]

Another thought, @Eppy99 , your wife is a medico, is she not? Could she be involved and contribute to the conversation?

 

[BradStevens]

All private but 80% construction and 20% commercial lit. Most of the construction lawyers I deal with want to stay away from AAA because of the high fees. As such, as a party, we are generally just picking guys that we know. Saves a ton of money and accomplishes the same.

AAA is a rip off.

 

[UncleMark]

AAA is a rip off.

Yeah, but my wife keeps signing us up for it.

 

[frikkenfrakken]

So I found out today (yesterday now) my 81 year old dad is being forced to retire next Thursday. I received a text from two of his partners that they needed to speak with my brother and I immediately. My dad is a successful attorney who has practiced law "his" way. In a time when I"m told there aren't many General Practioners, he's one of the good ones left. He and his orignail parter who has now since passed built a small independent practice and played the game on their own terms. My dad loves his work! I mean it's really a labor of love. The man goes into the office 7 days a week. The man refuses to get anesthesia when he has a colonscopy just so he can go back to the office. You'd think someone like that is married to his work and might just be neglectful to this kids. While he wasn't exactly the greatest dad, it wasn't because he was absent. In fact unless he had a trial in another city, he made it home for dinner every night of the week. But he loves going to the office. He has routinely said I will retire the day they put me in the ground. Being that my dad is also a horses ass, we've always been happy he has a labor of love to keep himself busy. The idea of retirment and my dad don't go along. The man has traveled the world, he goes out of his way to meet pepole of other cultures and learn their culture and food. I can't tell you how many clients he's made just by talking to strangers. He's taught law classes in other countries including Iraq, Mongolia and Poland. He's met the Dalai Lama and represented his brother for years. We've hiked to Everest Base Camp together. This was his third trip. He was one of the original founders of the Sci-fi channel and worked alongside Leonary Nemoy in it's earliest interation. He's had mulitple cases go to the Supreme Court. The man has lived his life by his own rules professionally and personally. My dad is also very, very private. He doesn't like to talk about his own health. It's actually been an issue my brother and I have pushed him about. We feel he has a repsonsibilty to share his health history if anything would be relevant to our own well being. My dad has always had terrible eye sight. For years he's needed cataract surgery on both eyes. I didn't quite understand until this year why he's put it off. Apparently my dad since he's been a kid has almost been legally blind in one of his eyes. He had surgery on one of his cataracts earlier this year. For some reason he had refused to get the other one done. The fear was there might be complications with this eye that has failed him for so long. It's incredible to me the amount of reading professionally and personally he's pushed himself through. He reads 2-3 books a week for enjoyment. HIs fear with getting surgery is if there's a complication he wouldn't be able to practice law.

So fast forward to today. My brother and I spoke with his current partners. When we heard he would be forced out next week we were left with a lot of questions. Apparently for the last couple of years he's been making LOTS of mistakes. The kind of mistakes that could cause his small firm to lose their malpractice insurance. Nobody wants this job of sitting down with him next week but it's happening and there's nothing I can do about it and he was heading towards a path of losing his license. He began forgetting details, forgetting to send exhibits and relying on his associated to carry the load. He may be somewhat aware of his situation, but if so he's certainly in denail. It seems his cognitive skills are now failing him or he's just starting to act 81.

Thanks for allowing me to use this as a place to process my thoughts and journal. Has anyone experienced something similar with a parent? I’d welcome your comments/suggestons.

My wife is dealing with my mother-in-law's declining faculties. One thing that has seemed to help is calling and talking to her every day. I think feeling connected, helpful, and understood made it easier for her to swallow truths like she isn't capable of handling her finances anymore.

 

[Morrison]

“Dad, sit down, there’s something you need to know. We’ve heard your firm wants a book written about the history of the firm and its landmark cases over the decades. The complexities and challenges of the biggest cases. They appreciate that you’re busy with your caseload, so are wondering if you’re okay with that junior partner, Mr. Levin, authoring the history? He would still have an office he came to every day, as this will end up being a lengthy book. He would also need access to you, assuming he’s interested in accurately portraying your significant contributions to the firms history. They’re not sure Levin has the work ethic to see this project through, but need your blessing, nonetheless.”

 

[Eppy99]

I do have something to add. Tell the partners he needs an office. And that while he’s slowed down and won’t be handling matters for coverage and other reasons they’d love for him to come and use his office as he pleases, to post on Peegs, to read, to hide out, so they can pick his brain from time to time, socialize, etc. Lots of firms let the old guys keep an office if they want.

Well, he pays for his office already. Not sure when the lease is up.

 

[Eppy99]

Beat me to it. Don't firms give some kind of "of counsel" status to old partners and keep them on the masthead? Let him sit in on conference meetings and stuff, have the young associates ask him for "advise", give him a flunkie to write up his stuff, etc, just don't give him any real responsibility. Of course, assuming he's still got his faculties, he'll know what's happening, but if it's made clear that the alternative is to totally step down and step out, he might learn to like his new status.

One thing I learned when I was dealing with my mother and her dementia was that you can make things worse by trying accommodating their wishes. I waited too long before totally taking over and making the hard decisions. She was really really pissed at me, but acquiesced when I made it plain to her that it was no longer an option to do it her way.

I need to get him to a neurologist and see what we’re dealing with. But I agree with you.

 

[Eppy99]

I love serving as a mediator and arbitrator I do about 2 mediations a month and maybe 3 times a year sir as an arbitrator. ZERO STRESS!!

I know he’s served as a mediator. Do you have to still have your attorneys license?

 

[mcmurtry66]

Well, he pays for his office already. Not sure when the lease is up.

Eat what you kill “partnership” ?

 

[Eppy99]

Another thought, @Eppy99 , your wife is a medico, is she not? Could she be involved and contribute to the conversation?

She’s staying out of it until we talk to him and this meeting happens. She will emotionally support me through this but I think that’s the only time she wants at this point.