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I confess to...

way too easy to come up with a list....

1. Urinating on an ex-girlfriends car on prom night while she was inside.

2. Throwing a jelly filled doughnut at a jogger and nailing him in his white shorts while my buddy drove.

3. Volunteering to take two drunk girls back to their dorm room while the whole time they were saying how sweet I was for making sure they were ok.

4. Getting busted by the same cop while off road with girls (two months apart)

5. Setting a large area of I-74 on fire with bottle rockets and running from the scene.

6. Had a car chase with a farmer who pulled up on a girlfriend and I while we were in his barn. Scary farmers.

7. Tried my hardest to nail mother of boys I would babysit after summer school my sophomore year in high school. She had massive breasts. damn.

8. Buying beer for high school kids when I was in my early 20's.

9. Breaking up with a girl only because she had downtown odor issues.

10. Walking out of a grocery store with two large watermelons and no one asking me if I was going to pay for them.

11. Letting a girl go down on me after just using her back door. I guess she was either into it, or dumb.

12. Relations on the front yard at a girlfriends house.

13. Calling a fake fire into the fire dept. when I was five. The fire cheif came to the house threatening to have my parents arrested or something like that.

14. In Jr. High I knew nothing about computers and it was time for a class test so I got to the room early and de-magnatized the old floppys with a magnet. no test that day.

I thought every guy had received oral in the front seat of a car at some point in his life. ????
 
Only twice - when I was 15 I had an 18 year old...and when I was 16 my

girlfriend was a month older..

Hey, I went out on a date this year and was wearing a shirt I bought in 1981 the girl I was with was born in 82....
This post was edited on 7/20 1:30 PM by Mr Charlieif(GetAdminCookie() != 0) {document.write(' (Revisions[/URL])');}
 
She came on to me

after about a day after meeting her. I was 25, she was 45 and smokin'!

You, son, have been deprived for too long. There still may be time.
 
Mine...

-Sex w/ girlfriend left me scabbed, peeled off scabs and put in roommates Doritos bag
-Wendy's napkin below
-Many, many drug experiences
-Police in Jamaica interogated us for an hour since we were hanging out with notorious dealer in Negril
-Hooker in Tijuana slapped me in the face when I told her I didn't have any dinero for her
-Called a girl the wrong name during sex
-Called her a different name the followning week
-Bumped my noise on a girl's pelvic bone while going down causing a bloody nose, bleeding all over her and accused her of raggin on me
-Nicked my bag shaving below, and girl subsequently went down later and suck on some blood
-Sex in a Kroger dairy cooler with customer in college
Have more, but way too drunk/stoned to recall.
This post was edited on 7/20 1:32 PM by fiessoptionif(GetAdminCookie() != 0) {document.write(' (Revisions[/URL])');}
 
There is time.

I guess I will have to frequent the Patio a lil bit more or something. I've had close chances, like the bisexual pair when I was in FL who were smokin, but haven't sealed the deal yet.
 
"downtown odor issues"

LMFAO!! Are you sure that wasn't a reason Seinfeld broke up with one of his gf's?
 
The rest of the story.....

she was an slighty un-accractive 30 something and I was like 16. Well she busted me peaking in her window a few weeks later and told her gruesome, huge boyfriend about it..

I ran long and I ran hard for a whole summer so he never caught me....

I thought she was doing it, knowing I was there, and for my purpose......Doh!!
This post was edited on 7/20 2:51 PM by Mr Charlieif(GetAdminCookie() != 0) {document.write(' (Revisions[/URL])');}
 
I am the only guy in the US who doesn't like that show...

I have no idea if that was an episode or not. I like Curb Your Enthusiasm though and that confuses my friends as to why that and not Seinfeld. I just never got into Seinfeld.
 
I'm going to have to find a new parish to attend Mass

I'm sure there are lovely Catholics of all ages near a campus. St Paul's and St. Charles had some hunnies in there.
This post was edited on 7/20 1:46 PM by Group82if(GetAdminCookie() != 0) {document.write(' (Revisions[/URL])');}
 
I don't watch it either.

I've seen it like eight times and four of them had to be the wek it went of the air and everyone was doing "best of" episodes.

In fact, I bought my step-father the first three seasons for Christmas, thinking if I was at their place bored out of my mind, I would have something to watch I had never seen. Then again Sportscenter is always solid the sixth time around.
 
So many events...

so many people helped.

1) I saved a child that was being devoured by an alligator
2) Hunted down the alligator and terminated its life. What's right is right.
3) The year of mission work preaching to lost souls
4) The Habitat for Humanity...yep, that was my idea
5) I successfully devised a strategy to stop my employer from robbing money from customers. We manage policies as if they belonged to our family now. Just take the money...we believe you.
6) Gave up all my earthly possessions for the sake of others
7) Stayed true to my wife through eternity and told others of the miraculous levels of her love
8) Dedicated my life to making her happy
9) Once watched The Jimmy Kimmel Show out of pity
10) The daily bathing and cleaning of the homeless children. Those dirty little bastards.
 
So, If I read between the lines, what really happened was:

1) Fed a child to an alligator
2) Kept the alligator as a pet.
3) Regularly receive visits from missionaries trying to save your soul knowing if they do so, instant ticket to heaven!
4) Regularly commit arson to peoples homes.
5) Started a business as a bill collector. Hired Vinnie "Two Fingers" as your collection specialist.
6) Steal as much as you can from those less fortunate
7) Have a mistress in various ports throughout the world.
8) She is threatening divorce.
9) Jimmy Kimmel's ONLY loyal viewer
10) Call the police if any homeless are within 500 feet of your home
 
Regarding your #1

I was checking out some college broad sunbathing next to my wife and I on our honeymoon.

Her friends were hotter than her, but she had carpet remnants hanging out the side of her bikini bottom.

You can't go on a cruise and not completely check out all the hot chicks.
 
500 feet? Who would want such filth so close?

Bunch of failed hippies. Get a job you penniless scum.

All true except 9.
 
Re: #1, crippled children make the best bait. nt

iu
 
Here is mine...

1. Telling a girl I was a lawyer in Detroit to get laid then gave her his number.

2. Putting my hand down a girl's pants in the back seat of a car and finding a friend's hand (on the other side of her) there as well.

3. videotaping, with permission, my friend and his chick.

4. putting money in with another guy to give a couple girls, who were already making out, to put on a show in his room...they took it.

5. when I was 12 watching my friends older cousin take showers...she was frikken hot.

6. the evilness of drugs...

7. buying a prostitute (4 other buddies pitched in) for a co-worker who is older and a tad slow...

8. busted a rubber to get in the backdoor...

9. the occasional adolescent tomfoolery...

10. While cruising in Kendallville, throwing dog biscuits in cars of ugly girls.

There is more but there is too much that I have to do at work.
 
Only #2 and #3 is new ..............

and #8 is MY trick.

#6 I didn't know you did drugs...you've been holding out.

You thief - quit stealing my tricks, my lines and my sayings...

Damn get your own..
 
Here's mine

1. Getting really drunk on Aftershock and banging an astronomically ugly fat chick my first time.

2. Going into a Lesbian chat room and pretending to be a woman.

3. Shoplifting a ton of chit when I was a dumbass kid. I once managed to steal over $4000 worth of crap from a mall in one day. I was very lucky not to get caught.

4. Taking a camera out of my high school Economics teachers drawer and me and all of my friends took pictures of our junk and put it back into the drawer. She resigned at the end of the year.

5. Drinking a glass of AJAX kitchen cleaner and water when I was a little kid and almost dying.

6. Running over my ex girlfriends cat after trying unsuccessfully for weeks. I then snuck back to her house the next night and shoved it under the tire of the new guy she was dating that she cheated on me with.

7. Drinking copious amounts of Jim Beam and passing out, punching holes in the walls, puking on myself, almost drowning in a bath tub full of water, blacking out for hours at a time, falling out of a truck and almost breaking my neck, mooning a cop, banging numerous sub-par hoes and shooting a bottle rocket out of a half full gas can. This list could go on forever.

8. Cheating at golf and poker.

9. Stealing $5 out of my roommates wallet laying next to his bed while he slept to buy a sixer of PBR.

10. Getting oral stimulation while driving.

11. Having sex with my girlfriend right out in the middle of the hallway of the hotel we stayed at in Gatlinburg last summer.

12. Banging my girlfriend after senior prom, taking her home, then going back to the party and letting her drunk best friend give me oral stimulation without washing.

13. Running from the cops drunk as hell and getting away.

I feel much better.
 
Please....

I didn't destroy the condom, I told her that it was broke and it was my last one. Me...a thief...you wouldnt have done the things you have before someone else.

So, if you didnt rip-off from someone else...you would be a perfect angel.
 
LOL!!!! You've made me remember a few others.

9) I've also done the lesbian fake-out in a chat room.
10) Stole large amounts of clothing when I worked at a retail shop
11) Puking in my sleep.....in someone else bed.
12) Puking before passing out. It landed at the edge of a coffee table. I cleaned up the puke, but did not move the coffee table. A few weeks later, my frieds mom went to move the table, and there was an outline where i'd puked at the edge.

BTW................your #6 is absolutely classic!
 
I've always wanted to do #2 and #6 is classic **high five**......***

sssssss
This post was edited on 7/20 4:18 PM by Mr Charlieif(GetAdminCookie() != 0) {document.write(' (Revisions[/URL])');}
 
Here's a few more

1. Shaving my junk with my roommates trimmers and not telling him.

2. Spitting a huge hocker in the burger of a coworker when I worked at McDonalds. He didn't even notice. I hated that guy.

3. Getting drunk out of my mind on jack Daniels and swimming in a pond in my underwear in the middle of February. I still managed to get it up, despite the intense cold, 20 minutes later though. SHRINKAGE!!! SHRINKAGE!!!

4. Going skinny dipping with 2 hot chicks when I was 14. My first look at a real life cooter. Damn those chicks were hot.

5. Watching a stripper shoot ping pong balls out of her snatch.

6. Funneling an entire pitcher of beer and puking it back up on my buddys shoes. It was still cold and foamy.

7. Putting Icy Hot in my best friends jock before basketball practice. After 5 minutes of warm up running he ran for the locker room harder than anyone I had ever seen.

8. Throwing a dry ice bomb in a water filled ditch outside of the VFW hall where a State Police officer was having a wedding reception. Watching from some distance away with binoculars it was quite funny to see 50 or so cops all grab for their guns at the same time then remembering that they were in plain clothes.

9. Stealing one of my Dad's workshirts and growing a beard when I was 16 to buy beer. It worked for like 3 weeks.

10. Trying to buy beer for the first time when I was 16 and being so nervous I accidentally bought non-alcaholic. Out of that whole store I picked up the 6 pack of non alcaholic because it had red cans. I didn't even look at the label, trying to act natural and all. The clerk probably knew I was underage and thought it was funny.
 
Wow. Just Wow.

" . . .you are a madman. When you stole that cow, and your friend tried to make it with the cow. I want to party with you, cowboy."

All events I could confess to involve HoosierGrandma as well. Unfortunately, she heard me laughing and saw the thread. If I ever wish to have my wick trimmed again, I am not to confess anything.

I'm impressed, though. (And you guys call me the pervert?)
 
Modified.

1. Killed numerous birds, rabbits, squirrels with the pellet gun as a kid. Didn't really feel bad about it until much later. Now all I kill are moles.

2. In middle school, me and some buddies did some camping to booze it up, smoke cigarettes and cheap cigars, and shoot guns. What a great combination -- booze, 12 year olds, and guns. It's a miracle nobody got hurt.

3. Got absolutely stinking drunk playing the 100 club my sophomore year. Using hazelnut beer for part of it. . . . I've never been so sick.

Regards.
This post was edited on 7/24 9:59 PM by BigRedSpecif(GetAdminCookie() != 0) {document.write(' (Revisions[/URL])');}
 
You guys are frikken sick! I feel so pure now.


I guess I can give some confessions....

1. Making sweet drunken love to a young lady I just met on the Lake James sandbar underneath a pontoon boat.

2. Masturbating while on the clock at several jobs.

3. Getting handjob while in a packed hot tub on spring break.

4. Doing a cannonball on New Years Eve into the lake, breaking the ice.

5. One night at Docksiders on Lk James the owner of the bar told me that if I jumped into the lake in my Hanes he would supply free drinks for the night. It was February and snowing...but it was free drinks.

6. Stealing a Jet Ski.

7. Losing my virginity to an absolutely gorgeous older woman on Spring Break.

8. Road head (duh).

9. I grew up on a dirt road and one day when I was 5 I put a huge rock in the middle of the road....speeding car goes down the road, hits it, car sits on the side of the road incapacitated, owner looked very angry. I was scared sh*tless.

10. Walking in on my parents.....still hurts to think about it.

11. Sex with a stripper.

12. Relations with several of my friends girlfriends. Got busted once. Was scared sh*tless once again.

13. My High School sweetheart was a freakin Christian....I once had a case of blueballs that lasted 3 days.

14. Nights in the Lafayette prison and Steuben County jail. GOOD TIMES!

15. Did mushrooms once and seriously thought I would die laughing while watching "Sifl-n-Olly" on MTV.

chester_t-lg.jpg
 
Ok so I just thought of a couple more....

16. Hooking up with 2 of my friends younger sisters. One of the friends was a female that I had also fooled around with. The other time it was on the bottom bunk while her sister was asleep on the top bunk.

17. Urinating on the ground underneath my table at the Neon Cactus at PU. Later that weekend I got so sloshed following "Breakfast Club" that I pissed on my friends carpet in his living room. I still don't remember.

18. My friend once had a girlfriend he nicknamed "Stinky" due to her lack of hygene down below. He always told us how it stunk. After my friend moved away and he broke up with Stinky I hooked up with her just to see if the rumors were true. They were.

19. Once nearly fought an entire frat house by myself after drinking way too much Jim Beam. (I think I weighed a whole 140 lbs. at the time)

20. I think I stole something from Ubers apartment once following an IU football game. I forget.

21. I definitely stole a goldfish out of someones fish tank once at a house party in the Varsity Villas. They found out and were NOT amused.

22. Once I ordered a round of shots (6 of them) at the bar, but I told the bartender to "Suprise me!". He poured me 6 shots, I took them, and continued to tell him that I wasn't paying for it because it wasn't what I wanted. HELLO BOUNCER!

Good times. Good times.
 
- having sex with a 16-yr-old when I was twenty

- fleeing from the cops loaded on 151

- my first BJ was in a movie theater

- taking candid pics of girls while they masturbated

- whipping out my video phone while getting a BJ

- told a girl I'd call her back... AND I DIDN'T!!!

This post was edited on 7/22 4:18 PM by IU in 05if(GetAdminCookie() != 0) {document.write(' (Revisions[/URL])');}
 
1) Telling a girl that I was "talking to" that we would never date cause I found out she had let a guy finger her and had jacked him off, and I couldn't date someone that had done that.
2) Accidentally putting my finger in the "other" hole on accident the first time I fingered a girl, within a year and a half of #1.
3) Running from the cops when caught speeding and turning into a neighborhood I quickly found was a dead end causing me to drive in circles for about 15 minutes to insure the cop wasn't back out on the road and I was late back to work after lunch.
4) Having my g/f's parents walk in on us laying on the couch making out with my hand in her pants.
5) Breaking 115 MPH in my parents minivan when using it to move up to college.
6) Having sex with my g/f at the time in my truck.....two nights in a row....
7) Talking her into giving me a BJ later that night as I drove her home.
8) Coming home for the weekend without telling my roommates or parents and staying at g/f's dad's house where she gave me a BJ under the covers while her dad was in the next room.
9) Having sex in the back of my truck on a freezing night because we didn't want her parents to hear us...which turned into us getting in the truck cause it wasn't getting done outside being that cold. (It was in december).
10) Banging g/f on her parents couch in the living room as her parents were (we assumed) asleep in their room on the other side of the wall.
11) Flogging the dolphin to the thought of many of my closest friends(don't worry cap....all female).
12) flogging the dolphin outside while looking in the window and spying on my sister's friends who were changing clothes(my sister was in the bathroom so i knew there was no chance of accidentally seeing her)
13) Talking both g/f's mentioned above into flogging my dolphin.
14) Flogging the dolphin while alone in my room and on the phone with my g/f and listening to her as she also did the M word.
15) Driving to my empty apartment with my g/f over christmas break(3 hours away) just to be alone and having sex with her twice in the bed and once in the shower.
16) Driving 3 hours home for one night with g/f in a sleezy motel while everyone else thinks i am still at my apartment and her parents think she is at her dad's.....and knowing i am going to break up with her within a week and had even told one of her friends that but wanted the sex anyway so i put it off for a week...she got a little mad when she found that one out.
17) Enjoying and regretting not attending the concert of Creed.
18) Posting on Peegs.com

There are others, but I think these are the most enjoyable to read and probablt the most surprising.
 
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