Friday Funnies

[sdhoosier]

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "If you can make that horse over there laugh, you can get free drinks for the rest of the night."

The man walks over, says something to the horse, it laughs, and he walks back over to the bar to collect his free drinks.

The next night, the man goes back to the bar and the bartender asks the man if he can make the horse cry. The man walks over, does something to the horse, and it starts to cry.

The bartender asks, "How did you make it cry?"

The man replies, "Well, to make the horse laugh last night I told it I had a bigger dick and to make it cry tonight I showed it."




and a chick...

 

[outside shooter]

A nicely-dressed old man walks into a high-end jewelry store with a 20-something babe on his arm. He tells the jeweler "We are here to look at rings for the lady. Show me what you have"

The jeweler takes them over to a display case and shows some fine rings, all in the 1K to 5K price range. The man says "those are nice, but do you have anything more upscale?"

The jeweler goes into the back and pulls out a beautiful gold ring with a massive diamond. He tells the man "this one here is $35,000. Isn't it gorgeous?

"Wow, It sure is!", gushed the woman.

"Only the finest, for you!", says the man. "We'll take it!"

The jeweler tells him that it is a wonderful choice, and asks how he'd like to pay for it.

The man says "Well, I know it's a Saturday and the banks are closed. I can write you a check, but I know you have to be sure that it is good. So let me write you a check now, you hold onto the ring, you call the bank on Monday morning to see that's the check's good, and then I'll pick up the ring Monday afternoon!"

The jeweler agrees, and the happy couple leaves the store.

Well, Monday morning comes around and the jeweler calls the bank. The check is no good! He calls the man and tells him the bad news.

The man says "that's alright, sonny. Now let me tell you about my weekend!"