We're Doomed a/k/a I don't where else to put this

[larsIU]

Reading the New York Times this morning, having finished Wordle and the Crossword (at an upcharge, naturally), when I came across this article. If you have access, great. If not, great.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/10/style/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents.html?smid=url-share

Apparently some book was written which continues the tradition of blaming parents for kids' problems. I'm not saying parents don't **** their kids up. I know I have.

But the opening.....

I mean dammit, come on.

"In 2021, Amber Nuño was living in Los Angeles, working at her dream job developing new products at Apple, making six figures and driving a nice car. On the surface, her life looked perfect, but she still felt deeply unsatisfied for reasons she couldn’t understand.

“I felt like I should be way more appreciative,” Ms. Nuño said in an interview. “I should be happier. Why am I not happy?”

While browsing Amazon one evening, she came across the self-help book “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting or Self-Involved Parents,” by Lindsay Gibson, and decided to start reading it. A few pages in, it hit her: Ms. Nuño, who was living with her mother at the time, realized she was unhappy “because of the way the relationship with my parents was so strained.”

So this ****ing child:

Dream Job at Apple - check
100k ++ per year - check
Nice Car (probably a ****ing Tesla) - check
Lives at home with Mom - wtf?

Concerned "b/c of the way the relationship with my parents was so strained"

I wonder why her parents and she have a strained relationship. IT'S B/C THEY WANT YOU TO ****ING LEAVE WITH YOUR 100K ++ JOB AND NICE CAR YOU ****ING NITWIT.

We're doomed. Cancel the rest of the series. Move to the hills.

 

[mcmurtry66]

Reading the New York Times this morning, having finished Wordle and the Crossword (at an upcharge, naturally), when I came across this article. If you have access, great. If not, great.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/10/style/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents.html?smid=url-share

Apparently some book was written which continues the tradition of blaming parents for kids' problems. I'm not saying parents don't **** their kids up. I know I have.

But the opening.....

I mean dammit, come on.



So this ****ing child:

Dream Job at Apple - check
100k ++ per year - check
Nice Car (probably a ****ing Tesla) - check
Lives at home with Mom - wtf?

Concerned "b/c of the way the relationship with my parents was so strained"

I wonder why her parents and she have a strained relationship. IT'S B/C THEY WANT YOU TO ****ING LEAVE WITH YOUR 100K ++ JOB AND NICE CAR YOU ****ING NITWIT.

We're doomed. Cancel the rest of the series. Move to the hills.

These kids are a crap shoot. Yesterday mine tells me we have to hit the sporting goods store. Words she’s used before but never in that order. I assume for a hoodie. I go for what? I start lacrosse next week and need to get everything 🤣🤣.

Fine. We’re leaving the tags on all of the gear

 

[stollcpa]

Kids can surprise. On my son’s graduation day at IU I got a really sick feeling. I had spoiled him rotten and he never had to work for anything. I wondered if I’d have to take care of him the rest of his life.

I am so proud of him. He’s on his second promotion and one of the youngest ever to achieve his current position. I’ve overheard a couple conference calls on the way to golf with him. I just looked straight ahead and smile at his professionalism and how he handled the calls. Did I say, I am really proud?!?!?!

 

[larsIU]

Kids can surprise. On my son’s graduation day at IU I got a really sick feeling. I had spoiled him rotten and he never had to work for anything. I wondered if I’d have to take care of him the rest of his life.

I am so proud of him. He’s on his second promotion and one of the youngest ever to achieve his current position. I’ve overheard a couple conference calls on the way to golf with him. I just looked straight ahead and smile at his professionalism and how he handled the calls. Did I say, I am really proud?!?!?!

I suspect you weren't easy on him. Sure, he might like the finer things but he's going to work for them.

Fair enough in my mind.

 

[twenty02]

Reading the New York Times this morning, having finished Wordle and the Crossword (at an upcharge, naturally), when I came across this article. If you have access, great. If not, great.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/10/style/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents.html?smid=url-share

Apparently some book was written which continues the tradition of blaming parents for kids' problems. I'm not saying parents don't **** their kids up. I know I have.

But the opening.....

I mean dammit, come on.



So this ****ing child:

Dream Job at Apple - check
100k ++ per year - check
Nice Car (probably a ****ing Tesla) - check
Lives at home with Mom - wtf?

Concerned "b/c of the way the relationship with my parents was so strained"

I wonder why her parents and she have a strained relationship. IT'S B/C THEY WANT YOU TO ****ING LEAVE WITH YOUR 100K ++ JOB AND NICE CAR YOU ****ING NITWIT.

We're doomed. Cancel the rest of the series. Move to the hills.

$100k in LA, with nice car (payment). Probably couldn't afford a hovel

 

[stollcpa]

I suspect you weren't easy on him. Sure, he might like the finer things but he's going to work for them.

Fair enough in my mind.

Yes you’re right. I forget other parents telling me I was way too hard on him all through high school.

 

[snarlcakes]

Reading the New York Times this morning, having finished Wordle and the Crossword (at an upcharge, naturally), when I came across this article. If you have access, great. If not, great.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/10/style/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents.html?smid=url-share

Apparently some book was written which continues the tradition of blaming parents for kids' problems. I'm not saying parents don't **** their kids up. I know I have.

But the opening.....

I mean dammit, come on.



So this ****ing child:

Dream Job at Apple - check
100k ++ per year - check
Nice Car (probably a ****ing Tesla) - check
Lives at home with Mom - wtf?

Concerned "b/c of the way the relationship with my parents was so strained"

I wonder why her parents and she have a strained relationship. IT'S B/C THEY WANT YOU TO ****ING LEAVE WITH YOUR 100K ++ JOB AND NICE CAR YOU ****ING NITWIT.

We're doomed. Cancel the rest of the series. Move to the hills.

She should buy Bitcoin. She'll be much happier.

 

[larsIU]

$100k in LA, with nice car (payment). Probably couldn't afford a hovel

Inland Empire is half teh cost. She probably works from home anyway.

 

[larsIU]

She should buy Bitcoin. She'll be much happier.

She did end up moving out. I would like an update on her strained relationship now that she's paying all her own bills*


*$100 says her mom still pays her ****ing cell phone.

 

[Hoopsdoc1978]

Kids are a necessary evil on the way to true parenting happiness, which is grandparenting.

 

[Bulk VanderHuge]

Kids can surprise. On my son’s graduation day at IU I got a really sick feeling. I had spoiled him rotten and he never had to work for anything. I wondered if I’d have to take care of him the rest of his life.

I am so proud of him. He’s on his second promotion and one of the youngest ever to achieve his current position. I’ve overheard a couple conference calls on the way to golf with him. I just looked straight ahead and smile at his professionalism and how he handled the calls. Did I say, I am really proud?!?!?!

Does he run the Connettsville branch of StollCPA Corp?

JK...nice story.

 

[stollcpa]

Does he run the Connettsville branch of StollCPA Corp?

JK...nice story.

😂. Thanks
He was smart enough to stay out of my business although he’s a numbers guy. Before I took on my young partner I asked my son if he wanted in the business after college. He said “no way!” Lol.

 

[stollcpa]

Does he run the Connettsville branch of StollCPA Corp?

JK...nice story.

Btw way that’s Cornettsville. 😂 Just a little suburb of Plainville Indiana. Epsom just up the road.

 

[twenty02]

She did end up moving out. I would like an update on her strained relationship now that she's paying all her own bills*


*$100 says her mom still pays her ****ing cell phone.

Says in the article she has no contact with her.

 

[Hoopsdoc1978]

Does he run the Connettsville branch of StollCPA Corp?

JK...nice story.

Btw way that’s Cornettsville. 😂 Just a little suburb of Plainville Indiana. Epsom just up the road.

You guys are in my neck of the woods now. I live in Epsom.

 

[stollcpa]

You guys are in my neck of the woods now. I live in Epsom.

Hope you own some farm land. Probably can get $25,000-$30,000 per acre.

That may change, I know of three farmers having to file bankruptcy in last few weeks. Low corn and soybean prices are killing farmers.

 

[DANC]

Kids can surprise. On my son’s graduation day at IU I got a really sick feeling. I had spoiled him rotten and he never had to work for anything. I wondered if I’d have to take care of him the rest of his life.

I am so proud of him. He’s on his second promotion and one of the youngest ever to achieve his current position. I’ve overheard a couple conference calls on the way to golf with him. I just look straight ahead and smile at his professionalism and how he handled the calls. Did I say, I am really proud?!?!?!

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I had to tone down my approach on conference calls after my 8 year old daughter repeated some of the things I said on calls. lol Nothing vulgar, but probably not some of my most polite conversations.

After she graduated IU, she was applying to PA schools and was working as an EMT to get the hours of medical care she needed to get in. We were at an IU game and some guy a couple rows down and over either passed out or fell. She literally pushed me out of the way to get to him and help him. I was very proud of her and Ive heard her on calls with patients. Is this the same little girl I used to know?

 

[DANC]

Kids are a necessary evil on the way to true parenting happiness, which is grandparenting.

Truer words were never spoken

 

[stollcpa]

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I had to tone down my approach on conference calls after my 8 year old daughter repeated some of the things I said on calls. lol Nothing vulgar, but probably not some of my most polite conversations.

After she graduated IU, she was applying to PA schools and was working as an EMT to get the hours of medical care she needed to get in. We were at an IU game and some guy a couple rows down and over either passed out or fell. She literally pushed me out of the way to get to him and help him. I was very proud of her and Ive heard her on calls with patients. Is this the same little girl I used to know?

Love it!

Funny story. When my son was 3-4 years old, we were watching a movie and a gal was on a beach in skimpy two piece. I mumbled “nice ass”. That Christmas we’re all in the living room and gal is walking the beach in a two piece on TV. My son says loudly proclaims “nice ass dad”. My mother was aghast. She told me to go outside and cut off a switch so she could whip me. 😂

 

[larsIU]

Says in the article she has no contact with her.

I go days with no contact from my 18 y/o (sometimes, usually, nearly always) shithead daughter yet that car payment and cell phone payment still get auto paid.

 

[DANC]

Love it!

Funny story. When my son was 3-4 years old, we were watching a movie and a gal was on a beach in skimpy two piece. I mumbled “nice ass”. That Christmas we’re all in the living room and gal is walking the beach in a two piece on TV. My son says loudly proclaims “nice ass dad”. My mother was aghast. She told me to go outside and cut off a switch so she could whip me. 😂

OMG, I literally laughed out loud at that.

 

[DANC]

I go days with no contact from my 18 y/o (sometimes, usually, nearly always) shithead daughter yet that car payment and cell phone payment still get auto paid.

My 18 year old IU freshman went to Nigeria on a mission trip. We bought the plane ticket and she raised funds through church, family, and friends.

As we were later having a talk about her finances (or lack thereof), she said "Well, I worked to pay for my mission trip myself".

My wife and I just looked at each other, speechless. I reminded her that is was other people, including us, who financed the trip, but she was adamant she paid for it.

The good news is, they get older.....

 

[larsIU]

My 18 year old IU freshman went to Nigeria on a mission trip. We bought the plane ticket and she raised funds through church, family, and friends.

As we were later having a talk about her finances (or lack thereof), she said "Well, I worked to pay for my mission trip myself".

My wife and I just looked at each other, speechless. I reminded her that is was other people, including us, who financed the trip, but she was adamant she paid for it.

The good news is, they get older.....

Yeah, mine will work for money. So, she's chinned that bar. And she better like it b/c her tastes are expensive and often. Goes to college in fall 2025. She's gonna make some man miserable someday.

It's a like a weird version of "The Ring"

 

[twenty02]

I go days with no contact from my 18 y/o (sometimes, usually, nearly always) shithead daughter yet that car payment and cell phone payment still get auto paid.

Yeah but you're a good parent and I'm sure your daughter actually likes you deep down. Some people do have very dysfunctional parents that actually expect their kids to provide for them. Knew this guy from college that had some real piece of work parents that expected him to move home after graduation because they couldn't afford their own lifestyle. Got so bad they couldn't pay for a new furnace when it broke and he had to buy it.

 

[DANC]

Yeah, mine will work for money. So, she's chinned that bar. And she better like it b/c her tastes are expensive and often. Goes to college in fall 2025. She's gonna make some man miserable someday.

It's a like a weird version of "The Ring"

My daughter dated, and eventually married, one of the biggest nerds I've known. Very smart, nice kid. But boring and nerdy. Did I mention he's smart? Disgustingly smart.

I was praying he'd propose and was very happy she said yes. My wife kept whining she was too young (at 23) - I told her to keep quiet lol

Daughters are great, but I'm telling you - between the ages of 14/15 and 26, it's tough to like them. Love them, yes. LIke? Not always.

 

[larsIU]

Yeah but you're a good parent and I'm sure your daughter actually likes you deep down. Some people do have very dysfunctional parents that actually expect their kids to provide for them. Knew this guy from college that had some real piece of work parents that expected him to move home after graduation because they couldn't afford their own lifestyle. Got so bad they couldn't pay for a new furnace when it broke and he had to buy it.

I hope you're right. Lotta stress these days. She's busying applying for schools, pushing every deadline, and I'm watching her grades slip.

Now, telling her "Notre Dame? Northwestern? You'll be lucky to get into IU-Indy if you keep this up" might have contained the right message but was possibly the wrong tone/time.

To be sure, the likelihood of her getting into either of those schools is minimal but I guess you gotta risk it for the biscuit.

Additionally, she has NO PLANS to contribute a dollar post graduation. I'm just trying to get her out of the house for good by 25.

 

[mcmurtry66]

I go days with no contact from my 18 y/o (sometimes, usually, nearly always) shithead daughter yet that car payment and cell phone payment still get auto paid.

I hope you're right. Lotta stress these days. She's busying applying for schools, pushing every deadline, and I'm watching her grades slip.

Now, telling her "Notre Dame? Northwestern? You'll be lucky to get into IU-Indy if you keep this up" might have contained the right message but was possibly the wrong tone/time.

To be sure, the likelihood of her getting into either of those schools is minimal but I guess you gotta risk it for the biscuit.

Additionally, she has NO PLANS to contribute a dollar post graduation. I'm just trying to get her out of the house for good by 25.

If she’s even applying there you’ve done a great job. I can only imagine hearing my daughter when the time comes. Extracurriculars. I played lacrosse. You went twice!!! Exactly. I played lacrosse. God awful athlete. Marginal student. Altho apparently her snap chat game is straight 🔥. Booked solid on her social calendar. Her mom and I just yesterday came down hard on her about grades. That exasperated side eye look. As DANC says 14 on appears to be awful

 

[twenty02]

Yeah, mine will work for money. So, she's chinned that bar. And she better like it b/c her tastes are expensive and often. Goes to college in fall 2025. She's gonna make some man miserable someday.

It's a like a weird version of "The Ring"

A girl from Carmel?... Seems out of character.

 

[DANC]

Yeah but you're a good parent and I'm sure your daughter actually likes you deep down. Some people do have very dysfunctional parents that actually expect their kids to provide for them. Knew this guy from college that had some real piece of work parents that expected him to move home after graduation because they couldn't afford their own lifestyle. Got so bad they couldn't pay for a new furnace when it broke and he had to buy it.

I've bought my parents cars, air conditioners, made mortgage payment, you name it. Yes, it's dysfunctional, by todays standards, but we are a close family and I'd do it all over again. I was the oldest of 4 kids and always felt it was my responsibility to help out.

I don't tell this to get sympathy - just that I don't think it's out of the ordinary. It's not something that has crippled me emotionally or financially in life. Although I have drawn the line at times, to not be drug down into that kind of situation.

And it wasn't like I was helping finance some high life style. All the money they had went to support the family and me and my siblings.

Not a shot at you, at all, but not everyone grows up in a household that is able to pay all their bills and still save for their child's education or have enough for household emergencies.

 

[twenty02]

I've bought my parents cars, air conditioners, made mortgage payment, you name it. Yes, it's dysfunctional, by todays standards, but we are a close family and I'd do it all over again. I was the oldest of 4 kids and always felt it was my responsibility to help out.

I don't tell this to get sympathy - just that I don't think it's out of the ordinary. It's not something that has crippled me emotionally or financially in life. Although I have drawn the line at times, to not be drug down into that kind of situation.

And it wasn't like I was helping finance some high life style. All the money they had went to support the family and me and my siblings.

Not a shot at you, at all, but not everyone grows up in a household that is able to pay all their bills and still save for their child's education or have enough for household emergencies.

I don't think it's dysfunctional for someone who has means to assist their parents that need help, to do so.

I think it dysfunctional when there is an expectation that the child live at home, often via a lot of guilt trips, emotional abuse, etc... At the request/demand of the parent so as to support them.

Just throwing it out as lars sees it through his lens that this young woman was living at home and mooching off her mom.... Where it is entirely possible that it was the complete opposite of that, with a mom leeching off the daughter.... Even if not financially, could be in other ways.

 

[larsIU]

I don't think it's dysfunctional for someone who has means to assist their parents that need help, to do so.

I think it dysfunctional when there is an expectation that the child live at home, often via a lot of guilt trips, emotional abuse, etc... At the request/demand of the parent so as to support them.

Just throwing it out as lars sees it through his lens that this young woman was living at home and mooching off her mom.... Where it is entirely possible that it was the complete opposite of that, with a mom leeching off the daughter.... Even if not financially, could be in other ways.

I also think the book that started this probably has value. But the problem is that lazy ass millenials and Gen Z will blame their parents and now have a manual with which to do so.

My lens is also to absolutely despise anything Gen Z says or does. I'm too young for this shit.

 

[twenty02]

I've bought my parents cars, air conditioners, made mortgage payment, you name it. Yes, it's dysfunctional, by todays standards, but we are a close family and I'd do it all over again. I was the oldest of 4 kids and always felt it was my responsibility to help out.

I don't tell this to get sympathy - just that I don't think it's out of the ordinary. It's not something that has crippled me emotionally or financially in life. Although I have drawn the line at times, to not be drug down into that kind of situation.

And it wasn't like I was helping finance some high life style. All the money they had went to support the family and me and my siblings.

Not a shot at you, at all, but not everyone grows up in a household that is able to pay all their bills and still save for their child's education or have enough for household emergencies.

Also I'll say in the example I mentioned above with the furnace... But also saw this same thing from a mother of an ex girlfriend. The parents came from very conformable upbringing... The grandparents in both cases were fairly well off but the parents blew it all and were still attempting to live lifestyles they were long used to. To the point they couldn't cover basic living costs without hitting up their kids in their early 20s for money. Fkn boomers.

 

[hoosboot]

I also think the book that started this probably has value. But the problem is that lazy ass millenials and Gen Z will blame their parents and now have a manual with which to do so.

My lens is also to absolutely despise anything Gen Z says or does. I'm too young for this shit.

I don't know, man. The way you're sounding, I'm waiting for you to next break out with something like,

"And their music? You can't even understand the words that they're singing!"

I'm generally much more impressed by Gen Z kids than I am Boomers. The world has changed A LOT and the generations change alongside that. The many mistakes I made as an 18-22 year old would completely derail my life if I made them as a teenager today. We somehow simultaneously expect way too much and way too little of kids these days.🤷‍♂️

 

[larsIU]

I don't know, man. The way you're sounding, I'm waiting for you to next break out with something like,

"And their music? You can't even understand the words that they're singing!"

I'm generally much more impressed by Gen Z kids than I am Boomers. The world has changed A LOT and the generations change alongside that. The many mistakes I made as an 18-22 year old would completely derail my life if I made them as a teenager today. We somehow simultaneously expect way too much and way too little of kids these days.🤷‍♂️

I would agree re: Gen Z vs. Boomers. However, I don't believe boomers were quite as entitled as the Gen Z crowd nor as frequently confidently incorrect. Their hubris is unbridled.

I don't care if kids make mistakes. That's the point. They should make them often, but then also LEARN from them. Gen Z makes a mistake and spends 20 mins telling you how you're wrong boomer. yes, I know it's a tale as old as time. But back then, there was no social media for confirmation bias at your fingertips.

I would also agree growing up as a teen today is a hellscape i would have joined the circus to escape.

Now, get off my lawn.

 

[twenty02]

I would agree re: Gen Z vs. Boomers. However, I don't believe boomers were quite as entitled as the Gen Z crowd nor as frequently confidently incorrect. Their hubris is unbridled.

I don't care if kids make mistakes. That's the point. They should make them often, but then also LEARN from them. Gen Z makes a mistake and spends 20 mins telling you how you're wrong boomer. yes, I know it's a tale as old as time. But back then, there was no social media for confirmation bias at your fingertips.

I would also agree growing up as a teen today is a hellscape i would have joined the circus to escape.

Now, get off my lawn.

 

[hoosboot]

I would agree re: Gen Z vs. Boomers. However, I don't believe boomers were quite as entitled as the Gen Z crowd nor as frequently confidently incorrect. Their hubris is unbridled.

I don't care if kids make mistakes. That's the point. They should make them often, but then also LEARN from them. Gen Z makes a mistake and spends 20 mins telling you how you're wrong boomer. yes, I know it's a tale as old as time. But back then, there was no social media for confirmation bias at your fingertips.

I would also agree growing up as a teen today is a hellscape i would have joined the circus to escape.

Now, get off my lawn.

I think that the difference is that Gen Z is entitled as 16-year-olds while Boomers are entitled as 60-year-olds. I bet your daughter is great though. Her Dad has his priorities in order!

 

[larsIU]

I think that the difference is that Gen Z is entitled as 16-year-olds while Boomers are entitled as 60-year-olds. I bet your daughter is great though. Her Dad has his priorities in order!

Priorities:

Wife/Daughter
Disc Golf
Work

Yes, you are correct, although 2 is really a 1a if you know what i mean.

 

[Ohio Guy]

Inland Empire is half teh cost. She probably works from home anyway.

Yep - her childhood home is probably nice and she probably posts on social media like it's her place. And there is definitely a stigma to living way out in the Inland Empire. Not saying I agree with it, but it's there.

 

[larsIU]

Yep - her childhood home is probably nice and she probably posts on social media like it's her place. And there is definitely a stigma to living way out in the Inland Empire. Not saying I agree with it, but it's there.

I konw, when I get into a Zillow daydream I quickly find out it's the only place in Califorinia I could afford to live outside of Stockton/Sacramento.

 

[hoot1]

Reading the New York Times this morning, having finished Wordle and the Crossword (at an upcharge, naturally), when I came across this article. If you have access, great. If not, great.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/10/style/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents.html?smid=url-share

Apparently some book was written which continues the tradition of blaming parents for kids' problems. I'm not saying parents don't **** their kids up. I know I have.

But the opening.....

I mean dammit, come on.



So this ****ing child:

Dream Job at Apple - check
100k ++ per year - check
Nice Car (probably a ****ing Tesla) - check
Lives at home with Mom - wtf?

Concerned "b/c of the way the relationship with my parents was so strained"

I wonder why her parents and she have a strained relationship. IT'S B/C THEY WANT YOU TO ****ING LEAVE WITH YOUR 100K ++ JOB AND NICE CAR YOU ****ING NITWIT.

We're doomed. Cancel the rest of the series. Move to the hills.

Gotta love this thread.

We may not all agree about our politics, but when it comes to the tough job of raising children we have a great deal of empathy for each other.

If we stopped to think about it, whether on the left or right politically, we share a lot of important values.