The stench was foul as the vultures picked away at the headless bodys of the Druids in the heat of the mid day sun. "They told me of this and I would not believe them" said Bloom to IUTerry. "They will pay for this with their very lives" said IUTerry. The two were from a place far away called The Star News Board were many fine internet warriors have been spawned. These two however were different. There was vengence in their hearts as they surveyed the carnage wrought by the Knights of Trailer Town.
The dead men had been as brothers to the two. They grew up together learning how to pontificate and be confident that their opinions were indeed the only opinions that mattered and that their minds should be kept clear of the unwashed brains that disagreed with them.
The two men had come to the village of Water Cooler at the request of The Original Happy Goat who at the time had much foreboding in his heart as Sope Creek and not returned from his mission of warning the Mateys of the impending attack by the Knights of Trailer Town.
They expected bad news but not The Original Happy Goat's head on a tether ball pole. They thought about playing a quick game but decided that time was of the essence if they were to take their revenge. They mounted their steeds (that means 'got on their horses' if if univee2 is reading this) and rode off to Trailer Town.
On this day the Knights were away at Ye Old Brass Flamingo drinking heavily and trying to get Sir tunk laid (Sir IUT insisting that it could be done to the laughs and taunts of the others). As the the two warriors of the Star News board rode into Trailer town it was inhabited only by the Park's wenches. There was Peach, DD4IU, Sister Havana, IUAllie and CarmelGreg.
IUTerry dismounted and walked up to the wenches who had come to the center of the park. We will take the fairest and most beautiful of you with us never to..." CarmelGreg stepped forward. "Uh, we'll decide who" said Bloom. "Can't handle the heat huh?" said Carmel Greg. IUTerry fought threw a sudden sickness in his stomach to continue. "...never to return to this place....and pretty much stay around my place. When the Knights come back you can tell them that if they want their wench back they can come to the Star News Board and reclaim her. The druids of Water Cooler will be avenged so help us John Ryan."
With that, IUTerry picked up DD4IU and put her on his horse. (thought I was going to say Peach didn't you?) The three then rode off into the night. Peach, Allie, and Sister Havana sobbed uncontrollably. Carmel Greg just adjusted his bra while mumbling something about them not being able to handle a real woman. Someone needs to tell the Knights while there is still time to intercept the three of them before they reach The Star News Board." "Don't look at me" Said Carmel Greg "everytime I go to that place Sir IUT gets drunk and makes me slow dance with tunk so he won't lose a bet."
Suddenly they heard a noice over by the cess pool. They walked closer to the noice and as they turned the corner there were three men standing there with buckets and suprised looks on their faces. "Who are you?" asked Hoosier Peach. "Uh, well, I'm Sacto Bob and this is Jimmy Shorts and Moops." "What are you doing?" "We were hired by Sir Harrumph to clean your cess pool" Said Sacto Bob. "He wanted it to be a suprise when everybody's plumbing worked and some guy named Hoosiergrandaddy finally has running water when his tapioca give him the squirts."
"Have you horses?" asked Peach. "Yes we do" replied Sacto Bob. "Oh yeah, they're real stallions" said Jimmy Shorts. "Shut up Jimmy!" yelled Moops. "I had 10 dollars to buy horses. Was I suppose to bring home seabiscuit?" "The horses are fine Moops" said Sacto Bob." "Bob, they're thirty years old!" said Jimmy Shorts. "I've quit feeding mine grain and started feeding him nitro pills."
"Are your horses strong enough to take you swiftly to Ye Old Brass Flamingo?" asked Hoosier Peach. "Define swiftly" said Jimmy Shorts. "SHUT UP JIMMY" screamed Moops. "Guys guys. Calm down." said Sacto Bob. He then turned back around to Hoosier Peach and asked why. Peach, Allie and Sis then told him the terrible tale and that DD4IU is in grave danger.
"If we travel to Ye Old Brass Flamingo that will give them an additional two days head start." said Sacto Bob. "Yeah and if WE try to go after them it'll give them FOUR days head start." Just them Moops leaped upon Jimmy Shorts and they began to struggle. "Stop it!" yelled Sacto Bob. The men rose to their feet and dusted themselves of. "Do me a huge favor Jimmy," said Sacto Bob, "no more horse jokes ok?"
Sacto Bob Then turned to the wenches and said "we will rescue your friend". "WHAT!?" said Jimmy Shorts. "Jimmy" Sacto Bob began slowly, "all my life..." "All your life what?" asked Jimmy Shorts. "All your life you've really wanted to get your head lopped off and stuck on a fence post?" "Are they allowed to do that?" asked Moops. "Look,' said Jimmy Shorts, "if you want to go then go but I'm not lining up to help someone fill out their skull quota for the day." With that, he mounted his elderly steed and shuffled off.
"What about you" said Sacto Bob turning to Moops. "What about that head lopping thing?" asked Moops. " "My mother always said to stand up against your enemys and be brave" answered Sacto Bob. "Uh yeah. Is this the same mother that insists women confuse you on the street with Brad Pitt? I'd take her advice with considerable care."
With that Moops rode off and left Sacto Bob alone with the wenches.
What will Sacto Bob do? Will he ride off to save the damsel? Who will he meet along the way if he decides to take the challenge? What happens if the cess pool doesn't get clean and Hoosiergrandaddy eats tapioca.
More adventure awaits (and yes many more names for those of you whinning about not being mentioned yet) in The Legend of Sacto Bob part 2.
This post was edited on 3/9 1:55 PM by IUTif(GetAdminCookie() != 0) {document.write(' (Revisions[/URL])');}
This post was edited on 3/9 1:59 PM by IUTif(GetAdminCookie() != 0) {document.write(' (Revisions[/URL])');}
The dead men had been as brothers to the two. They grew up together learning how to pontificate and be confident that their opinions were indeed the only opinions that mattered and that their minds should be kept clear of the unwashed brains that disagreed with them.
The two men had come to the village of Water Cooler at the request of The Original Happy Goat who at the time had much foreboding in his heart as Sope Creek and not returned from his mission of warning the Mateys of the impending attack by the Knights of Trailer Town.
They expected bad news but not The Original Happy Goat's head on a tether ball pole. They thought about playing a quick game but decided that time was of the essence if they were to take their revenge. They mounted their steeds (that means 'got on their horses' if if univee2 is reading this) and rode off to Trailer Town.
On this day the Knights were away at Ye Old Brass Flamingo drinking heavily and trying to get Sir tunk laid (Sir IUT insisting that it could be done to the laughs and taunts of the others). As the the two warriors of the Star News board rode into Trailer town it was inhabited only by the Park's wenches. There was Peach, DD4IU, Sister Havana, IUAllie and CarmelGreg.
IUTerry dismounted and walked up to the wenches who had come to the center of the park. We will take the fairest and most beautiful of you with us never to..." CarmelGreg stepped forward. "Uh, we'll decide who" said Bloom. "Can't handle the heat huh?" said Carmel Greg. IUTerry fought threw a sudden sickness in his stomach to continue. "...never to return to this place....and pretty much stay around my place. When the Knights come back you can tell them that if they want their wench back they can come to the Star News Board and reclaim her. The druids of Water Cooler will be avenged so help us John Ryan."
With that, IUTerry picked up DD4IU and put her on his horse. (thought I was going to say Peach didn't you?) The three then rode off into the night. Peach, Allie, and Sister Havana sobbed uncontrollably. Carmel Greg just adjusted his bra while mumbling something about them not being able to handle a real woman. Someone needs to tell the Knights while there is still time to intercept the three of them before they reach The Star News Board." "Don't look at me" Said Carmel Greg "everytime I go to that place Sir IUT gets drunk and makes me slow dance with tunk so he won't lose a bet."
Suddenly they heard a noice over by the cess pool. They walked closer to the noice and as they turned the corner there were three men standing there with buckets and suprised looks on their faces. "Who are you?" asked Hoosier Peach. "Uh, well, I'm Sacto Bob and this is Jimmy Shorts and Moops." "What are you doing?" "We were hired by Sir Harrumph to clean your cess pool" Said Sacto Bob. "He wanted it to be a suprise when everybody's plumbing worked and some guy named Hoosiergrandaddy finally has running water when his tapioca give him the squirts."
"Have you horses?" asked Peach. "Yes we do" replied Sacto Bob. "Oh yeah, they're real stallions" said Jimmy Shorts. "Shut up Jimmy!" yelled Moops. "I had 10 dollars to buy horses. Was I suppose to bring home seabiscuit?" "The horses are fine Moops" said Sacto Bob." "Bob, they're thirty years old!" said Jimmy Shorts. "I've quit feeding mine grain and started feeding him nitro pills."
"Are your horses strong enough to take you swiftly to Ye Old Brass Flamingo?" asked Hoosier Peach. "Define swiftly" said Jimmy Shorts. "SHUT UP JIMMY" screamed Moops. "Guys guys. Calm down." said Sacto Bob. He then turned back around to Hoosier Peach and asked why. Peach, Allie and Sis then told him the terrible tale and that DD4IU is in grave danger.
"If we travel to Ye Old Brass Flamingo that will give them an additional two days head start." said Sacto Bob. "Yeah and if WE try to go after them it'll give them FOUR days head start." Just them Moops leaped upon Jimmy Shorts and they began to struggle. "Stop it!" yelled Sacto Bob. The men rose to their feet and dusted themselves of. "Do me a huge favor Jimmy," said Sacto Bob, "no more horse jokes ok?"
Sacto Bob Then turned to the wenches and said "we will rescue your friend". "WHAT!?" said Jimmy Shorts. "Jimmy" Sacto Bob began slowly, "all my life..." "All your life what?" asked Jimmy Shorts. "All your life you've really wanted to get your head lopped off and stuck on a fence post?" "Are they allowed to do that?" asked Moops. "Look,' said Jimmy Shorts, "if you want to go then go but I'm not lining up to help someone fill out their skull quota for the day." With that, he mounted his elderly steed and shuffled off.
"What about you" said Sacto Bob turning to Moops. "What about that head lopping thing?" asked Moops. " "My mother always said to stand up against your enemys and be brave" answered Sacto Bob. "Uh yeah. Is this the same mother that insists women confuse you on the street with Brad Pitt? I'd take her advice with considerable care."
With that Moops rode off and left Sacto Bob alone with the wenches.
What will Sacto Bob do? Will he ride off to save the damsel? Who will he meet along the way if he decides to take the challenge? What happens if the cess pool doesn't get clean and Hoosiergrandaddy eats tapioca.
More adventure awaits (and yes many more names for those of you whinning about not being mentioned yet) in The Legend of Sacto Bob part 2.
This post was edited on 3/9 1:55 PM by IUTif(GetAdminCookie() != 0) {document.write(' (Revisions[/URL])');}
This post was edited on 3/9 1:59 PM by IUTif(GetAdminCookie() != 0) {document.write(' (Revisions[/URL])');}
