Parker back at UT Martin
- Thread starter kurt cloverdales
- Start date
Not sure the lot of us can understand losing your dad as a young man.
I was in my forties. We said everything that needed to be said (no drama here, thankfully).
So I hope he finds a place, a space, where he can flourish.
I was in my forties. We said everything that needed to be said (no drama here, thankfully).
So I hope he finds a place, a space, where he can flourish.
My Dad committed suicide when I was 10. You're right, not many can understand it, and of course, I didn't, but the thing that was the hardest and worst to me was 1) people feel compelled to say "something" to the point it really did lose it's meaning (you can only hear "I'm so sorry for your loss" and "let us know if there is anything we can do!" so many times until you realize it's more to make them feel better, not you!), and 2) it embarasses people so much that they are more careful about what they say and it makes everyone uncomfortable. (@ Fathers Day, Parent's weekend @ college, when talking about trips or stuff they do with their Dad, etc...). Suicide is obviously different than a heart attack or disease and adds even more confusion and questions, but I assumed that the bball court is where he'd feel the most normal and supported by his friends and teammates.
I don't know if it's best, but I've always talked about my Dad's suicide openly, because it's often a taboo subject and I always felt that if others struggled with suicide, I hoped they could talk to me, or at least learn by my talking about it.
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Same. Lost my dad to suicide when I was 30, although he tried and failed the first time during finals week of my sophomore year in college. No way I would have understood it if I was 10 years old. It was certainly unexpected but I could understand some of the things that led to it when it did happen.
I don't understand it beyond mental illness or if you have a terminal illness or a degenerative one that lowers your quality of life. In my Dad's case, he was going through a second divorce and I think he was scared to be alone and felt like a failure maybe. In that case, it's incredibly selfish because you dump all your problems and many more on your "loved ones" and create, yet leave, so many questions unanswered.
My Grandfather when he was succumbing agonizingly to Alzheimer's said more than once "If they'd just let me have one of my guns, I'd rather just take care of this myself!" and I couldn't fault him for that and do think that should be a person's choice, and I think Physician assisted suicide should be legal in those cases. There was a good movie several years ago called the Leisure Seeker with Helen Mirren and Donald Sutherland that I thought was really good and addressed this issue in a respectful way, but it was never very popular primarily I think because it dealt with a really painful and hard subject. Worth a watch I thought.
Did your father get any medication or treatment for his depression?
if it was many decades ago, he likely had very few opportunities for help, which is extremely sad.
Not that I know of, but I was 10, so I probably wouldn't have. And my parents had been divorced for 5+ years and I lived with my Mom and probably only saw him a weekend or 2 a month. He was not a nice guy, so while I loved him, he was scary to be around when mad or drunk. Spare the rod was not a concept he believed in! Still, I don't believe anyone knew the severity of his depression, imo.
Most of the time suicide is a case of temporary insanity. The reason why this is true is because we all have a survival instinct. In fact people will do some pretty bad stuff to stay alive. So when someone takes their own life it goes against our very nature to survive. I am thankful you can talk openly about it, though there is always pain involved. Please know this. If your Dad could see the hurt he caused he would most definitely ask for your forgiveness. I also appreciate your willingness to talk to others about it. People need to talk even if they don't want to.
Your father's story is a lot like when I was a pastor in Illinois. The adult son of a couple in the church had his second wife leave him and he shot himself because of sorrow. One thing which is true about life is there is pain. Either it is physical pain or it is emotional. Jeff Foxworthy volunteers his time at a homeless shelter and speaks to the emotional pain and comments how some get on drugs because of it. Here is the clip
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Does Parker have to sit out a year? I thought not sitting out a year in the portal was a one time thing. What about Durr as well?
He should be a grad transfer. I think IU was his third school and he was here two years.
