Mental health and the family.

Eppy99

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So I know this isn’t a sexy topic or one that grown men are generally comfortable with. It seems to be a topic gaining traction because of athletes, actors, the need for mental health as it relates to mass shootings, etc. What doesn’t seem to get a lot of conversation is mental health for those in our own families. Again I know this is a tough subject and for too long men haven’t wanted to admit a self need or for privacy wanted to share what’s happening within their own family.

A few of you maybe more know I’ve shared difficulties my daughter(s) have faced and how fragile at times I even feel. If anything those episodes prepared our family for Covid more than anything. Almost losing a child to suicide and dealing with kids with eating disorders kinda helps reprioritize things in your life.
I may be anonymous but I can empathize with many of you that may be struggling or dealing with problems within the family.
Certainly you all don’t have to air everything out so publicly like I have chosen, but this website has provided me a place I feel safe to do so and it’s helped me. If anyone needs or wants to drop me a line privately I’m happy to chat through this site, via email, over the phone or in person.
We all came here because we love IU sports. Ya’ll are my brothers like it or not (even you @Mas-sa-suta you POS!). Let’s show some compassion every once in awhile regardless of our political leanings and differences. Hold tight to what makes us the same and I think we’ll all benefit greatly. Cheers, Eppy

P.S. I may have just binged Ted Lasso.
 

Joe_Hoopsier

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Dec 21, 2010
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Oh hell, since I am about to start WW3 on this, I will bite.
Our youngest daughter (23), very capable yet best capable of being a 100% sponge worthless user. Drug rehab twice, destroyed EVERY dam thing we have ever given her and now we are basically raising her son, while she sets on my couch 14 hrs a day.
I am in the process of drawing the line, after she just crashed the 6th vehicle we've put her in (Jeep commander has proven pretty safe, for that other thread although it may have been on the aOTF). Hell we even rented her a house to get you out of here, that she goes to about 1 day a week.
Her mother is a total push over, because this is her baby. I on the other hand am DONE. I am willing to divorce and send everyone packing.
Again, she is a capable person, but her mother is not capable of cutting the apron strings. The other 4 kids range from LEO's to Nurse Practitioners, all successful. But then again, NONE of them were given or willing to accept a total free ride.

Rant only beginning !
 

mcmurtry66

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Oh hell, since I am about to start WW3 on this, I will bite.
Our youngest daughter (23), very capable yet best capable of being a 100% sponge worthless user. Drug rehab twice, destroyed EVERY dam thing we have ever given her and now we are basically raising her son, while she sets on my couch 14 hrs a day.
I am in the process of drawing the line, after she just crashed the 6th vehicle we've put her in (Jeep commander has proven pretty safe, for that other thread although it may have been on the aOTF). Hell we even rented her a house to get you out of here, that she goes to about 1 day a week.
Her mother is a total push over, because this is her baby. I on the other hand am DONE. I am willing to divorce and send everyone packing.
Again, she is a capable person, but her mother is not capable of cutting the apron strings. The other 4 kids range from LEO's to Nurse Practitioners, all successful. But then again, NONE of them were given or willing to accept a total free ride.

Rant only beginning !
That's really rough joe. Sorry to hear.
 
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Eppy99

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Oh hell, since I am about to start WW3 on this, I will bite.
Our youngest daughter (23), very capable yet best capable of being a 100% sponge worthless user. Drug rehab twice, destroyed EVERY dam thing we have ever given her and now we are basically raising her son, while she sets on my couch 14 hrs a day.
I am in the process of drawing the line, after she just crashed the 6th vehicle we've put her in (Jeep commander has proven pretty safe, for that other thread although it may have been on the aOTF). Hell we even rented her a house to get you out of here, that she goes to about 1 day a week.
Her mother is a total push over, because this is her baby. I on the other hand am DONE. I am willing to divorce and send everyone packing.
Again, she is a capable person, but her mother is not capable of cutting the apron strings. The other 4 kids range from LEO's to Nurse Practitioners, all successful. But then again, NONE of them were given or willing to accept a total free ride.

Rant only beginning !
Crap man….I can empathize with a lot, but the drug addiction isn’t one I’ve dealt with. Here for ya always but damn!
 
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Spartans9312

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Oh hell, since I am about to start WW3 on this, I will bite.
Our youngest daughter (23), very capable yet best capable of being a 100% sponge worthless user. Drug rehab twice, destroyed EVERY dam thing we have ever given her and now we are basically raising her son, while she sets on my couch 14 hrs a day.
I am in the process of drawing the line, after she just crashed the 6th vehicle we've put her in (Jeep commander has proven pretty safe, for that other thread although it may have been on the aOTF). Hell we even rented her a house to get you out of here, that she goes to about 1 day a week.
Her mother is a total push over, because this is her baby. I on the other hand am DONE. I am willing to divorce and send everyone packing.
Again, she is a capable person, but her mother is not capable of cutting the apron strings. The other 4 kids range from LEO's to Nurse Practitioners, all successful. But then again, NONE of them were given or willing to accept a total free ride.

Rant only beginning !
That sucks...it's becoming a scenario played out in many households.
It's not the way they are raised but a lifestyle problem.
Hang in there Joe.
I'm wishing for the best for you and your family
 

twenty02

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Jan 28, 2011
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Oh hell, since I am about to start WW3 on this, I will bite.
Our youngest daughter (23), very capable yet best capable of being a 100% sponge worthless user. Drug rehab twice, destroyed EVERY dam thing we have ever given her and now we are basically raising her son, while she sets on my couch 14 hrs a day.
I am in the process of drawing the line, after she just crashed the 6th vehicle we've put her in (Jeep commander has proven pretty safe, for that other thread although it may have been on the aOTF). Hell we even rented her a house to get you out of here, that she goes to about 1 day a week.
Her mother is a total push over, because this is her baby. I on the other hand am DONE. I am willing to divorce and send everyone packing.
Again, she is a capable person, but her mother is not capable of cutting the apron strings. The other 4 kids range from LEO's to Nurse Practitioners, all successful. But then again, NONE of them were given or willing to accept a total free ride.

Rant only beginning !

4 outta 5 ain't bad!

Seriously sorry you are dealing with this.... both of you. My biggest fear by far about my kids are these issues that feel out of your control. Only saving grace may be for us is that my wife puts up with even less bullshit than I do.... but who knows how it would be handled when you're in the moment.
 

Eppy99

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One aspect I've learned about mental health is the amount of high achieving students or bright individuals that can't keep their shit together. From my own experience, I have a first cousin who went to UCLA and was a top notch student and somewhere after graduation couldn't figure her life out. She is basically a hermit living with her mom. Rarely leaves her room and hasnt held a job in probably 30 years. My brother in law is really effing smart, when to Penn, but is most likely bipolar and cant keep a job. He lives with his parents in his 40's. I know there's circumstances for everyone, for intance my brother in law became a citizen of Israel and was involved in a bombing inside a nightclub in Jerusalem. He suffers from PTSD, but hoenstly he was having lots of issues before that happened.

I guess my point is, so many parents put an emphasis on their kids becoming high achieving students that I think the rest of big picture becomes lost. All three of my girls are really brilliant, but they're also perfectionist and I'm not sure where they get that part from. We try not to put too much pressure but they push themselves really hard sometimes. As the dumb parent of the two i try and allow my lazy personality to rub off a bit, but it hasn't worked thus far. I could care less if they're straight A students if they're not happy too. EQ is just as important as IQ and probably harder to grasp sometimes.
 

DANC

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Oh hell, since I am about to start WW3 on this, I will bite.
Our youngest daughter (23), very capable yet best capable of being a 100% sponge worthless user. Drug rehab twice, destroyed EVERY dam thing we have ever given her and now we are basically raising her son, while she sets on my couch 14 hrs a day.
I am in the process of drawing the line, after she just crashed the 6th vehicle we've put her in (Jeep commander has proven pretty safe, for that other thread although it may have been on the aOTF). Hell we even rented her a house to get you out of here, that she goes to about 1 day a week.
Her mother is a total push over, because this is her baby. I on the other hand am DONE. I am willing to divorce and send everyone packing.
Again, she is a capable person, but her mother is not capable of cutting the apron strings. The other 4 kids range from LEO's to Nurse Practitioners, all successful. But then again, NONE of them were given or willing to accept a total free ride.

Rant only beginning !
You are in a tough spot and I'm very sorry to hear it. I have a niece with a somewhat similar story. She has scammed the welfare system her whole life, had 3 illigitimate kids, and is almost 50 years old. Been doing it her whole life. After trying to help her (and failed), I realize some people are beyond redemption, unless they decide to do it themselves - and she isn't going to do it. If she shows up for family gatherings, I'm polite, but I refuse to be drawn into the drama. And it's helped my own mental health. Unfortunately, it's destroyed my sister, whose husband, the girl's dad, bolted before she was born).

I used to think divorce was unthinkable, but my thinking has changed over the years. You can either go down with the ship or save yourself and, possibly, wake everyone up and create some positive change.

Feel free to email me if you want to discuss further. Again, I'm so sorry for you and your situation.
 

Joe_Hoopsier

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You are in a tough spot and I'm very sorry to hear it. I have a niece with a somewhat similar story. She has scammed the welfare system her whole life, had 3 illigitimate kids, and is almost 50 years old. Been doing it her whole life. After trying to help her (and failed), I realize some people are beyond redemption, unless they decide to do it themselves - and she isn't going to do it. If she shows up for family gatherings, I'm polite, but I refuse to be drawn into the drama. And it's helped my own mental health. Unfortunately, it's destroyed my sister, whose husband, the girl's dad, bolted before she was born).

I used to think divorce was unthinkable, but my thinking has changed over the years. You can either go down with the ship or save yourself and, possibly, wake everyone up and create some positive change.

Feel free to email me if you want to discuss further. Again, I'm so sorry for you and your situation.
I really appreciate this (and all of the other responses). Not because of this situation, but life over the years, my #1 first response is anger to most things, when I don't try to just mask it with poor humor.
I've tried stepping out of my normal and attempted fake empathy with her (for her mothers sake). That allowed her to feel better and changed..... 14 hours of couch time a day instead of 12....
The wife has proven time and again that I am not allowed to question said child. I really do want the daughter to become a productive member of society. I'm toying with one last ditch effort to find some type of counselor/ mentor, Shrink... to try and talk to the wife of how much damage that she is actually causing, before I pack all of their shit.

Question, Are there like "personal life coaches" that can help mentor "kids" when the parenting has totally failed? Or should I just plant some heroin on her and get her a 3-7 yr stent up state? (the first part was a series question, I know they wouldn't give her that long).
 

bawlmer

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I really appreciate this (and all of the other responses). Not because of this situation, but life over the years, my #1 first response is anger to most things, when I don't try to just mask it with poor humor.
I've tried stepping out of my normal and attempted fake empathy with her (for her mothers sake). That allowed her to feel better and changed..... 14 hours of couch time a day instead of 12....
The wife has proven time and again that I am not allowed to question said child. I really do want the daughter to become a productive member of society. I'm toying with one last ditch effort to find some type of counselor/ mentor, Shrink... to try and talk to the wife of how much damage that she is actually causing, before I pack all of their shit.

Question, Are there like "personal life coaches" that can help mentor "kids" when the parenting has totally failed? Or should I just plant some heroin on her and get her a 3-7 yr stent up state? (the first part was a series question, I know they wouldn't give her that long).
We have friends in a pretty similar boat. They've kicked the kid out of the house multiple times, But have always allowed him back. He's about the same age as your girl. Most recently he stole a couple grand from their room (no idea why they had that much there, they keep their door locked). Somehow they've convinced him to enlist. We're all hoping that gives him some purpose beyond getting high.

I know it's heartbreaking. I also know it's very rarely the parenting. Everything you've said makes sense. Then again nothing really makes sense in these situations. As Eppy posted, nothing wrong with getting advice. Take care of yourself too. Best of luck to you.
 

DANC

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I really appreciate this (and all of the other responses). Not because of this situation, but life over the years, my #1 first response is anger to most things, when I don't try to just mask it with poor humor.
I've tried stepping out of my normal and attempted fake empathy with her (for her mothers sake). That allowed her to feel better and changed..... 14 hours of couch time a day instead of 12....
The wife has proven time and again that I am not allowed to question said child. I really do want the daughter to become a productive member of society. I'm toying with one last ditch effort to find some type of counselor/ mentor, Shrink... to try and talk to the wife of how much damage that she is actually causing, before I pack all of their shit.

Question, Are there like "personal life coaches" that can help mentor "kids" when the parenting has totally failed? Or should I just plant some heroin on her and get her a 3-7 yr stent up state? (the first part was a series question, I know they wouldn't give her that long).
There is definitely counseling available and you should seek it out. I don't know where you are, but I'd talk to my doctor about it and get some referals. You should always seek counseling, even if they won't go with you, before you resort to something like divorce.

It's very difficult to deal with this type of thing, even if both parents are in agreement and work together. When they're not, it's almost impossible, from what I've seen (I'm not an expert, by any means - just lived a while). Family dynamics are huge.

But continue to try to find a solution before you pack it in. You never know - at 23, she's still young enough to turn it around. It sounds like depression to me, but again, I don't know the situation.
 

Joe_Hoopsier

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There is definitely counseling available and you should seek it out. I don't know where you are, but I'd talk to my doctor about it and get some referals. You should always seek counseling, even if they won't go with you, before you resort to something like divorce.

It's very difficult to deal with this type of thing, even if both parents are in agreement and work together. When they're not, it's almost impossible, from what I've seen (I'm not an expert, by any means - just lived a while). Family dynamics are huge.

But continue to try to find a solution before you pack it in. You never know - at 23, she's still young enough to turn it around. It sounds like depression to me, but again, I don't know the situation.
I did a few sessions of counseling years ago as a job screening requirement. The therapist became an alcoholic.

I just want her off my couch and out of my house. If it ends up being two for the price of one, so be it.
But thanks man! :)
 

UncleMark

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Our youngest daughter (23), very capable yet best capable of being a 100% sponge worthless user. Drug rehab twice, destroyed EVERY dam thing we have ever given her and now we are basically raising her son, while she sets on my couch 14 hrs a day.
Is she still using?
The wife has proven time and again that I am not allowed to question said child. I really do want the daughter to become a productive member of society. I'm toying with one last ditch effort to find some type of counselor/ mentor, Shrink... to try and talk to the wife of how much damage that she is actually causing, before I pack all of their shit.
Al-Anon Family Groups comes highly recommended in some circles. They won't claim to be able to save your kid, but they can help you and your wife save yourselves.
Question, Are there like "personal life coaches" that can help mentor "kids" when the parenting has totally failed?
Recovery from substance abuse is an inside job. She can be given guidance and mentorship, but if she doesn't really want it, it can't be imposed on her. She'll have to reach her own bottom. If you can't help her up, you can help her down.
 

Joe_Hoopsier

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Is she still using?

Al-Anon Family Groups comes highly recommended in some circles. They won't claim to be able to save your kid, but they can help you and your wife save yourselves.

Recovery from substance abuse is an inside job. She can be given guidance and mentorship, but if she doesn't really want it, it can't be imposed on her. She'll have to reach her own bottom. If you can't help her up, you can help her down.
Actually the one plus is that she is not "using" anymore. She smokes some MJ but all of the hard stuff, she did kick, I'm happy about that. I somewhat helped/ pushed her hit rock bottom on that front which started the Rehab tour.
It more and more appears, and this discussions are helping me concrete my original opinion, that I need to get her mother out of her way to hitting the "personal responsibility" bottom. Or they both need to hit it together, but I'm not paying for it any longer, financially or mentally.
Thanks Mark.
 

UncleMark

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Actually the one plus is that she is not "using" anymore. She smokes some MJ but all of the hard stuff, she did kick, I'm happy about that. I somewhat helped/ pushed her hit rock bottom on that front which started the Rehab tour.
It more and more appears, and this discussions are helping me concrete my original opinion, that I need to get her mother out of her way to hitting the "personal responsibility" bottom. Or they both need to hit it together, but I'm not paying for it any longer, financially or mentally.
Thanks Mark.

I'd have her evaluated for clinical depression. It's common with abusers. (In fact, many people think substance abuse is an attempt at self medication by depressives.) I've seen people become "reborn" after a proper diagnosis and appropriate medication.
 

Sope Creek

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Good lord, what a bunch of namby pamby responses . . . all touchy feely. Hell, Joe told us the problem . . . "her baby". Next time she says this I'd suggest he put on some Dylan:


If he wants to try to save the relationships with his wife and daughter, I'd suggest that Joe buy Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie. I'll just hazard a guess and suggest that MrsHoopsier and JoetteJR#Last fit the descriptions there.

Otherwise, I'd kick both of them to the curb . . . they're already gone anyway.
 

outside shooter

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I have had many close friends with mental health and addiction problems, but have had good luck with immediate family.

One exception, though.

When my daughter was young (3-4?) and went to preschool, she was always quiet after coming home and did not discuss what went on there, at all. Months went by and then there was a meet the teacher event. The teacher informed us that our daughter could never be made to utter even a single word in school. She seemed gripped by severe anxiety in the school setting. She would do in-class homework but would not talk and wouldn't play any games outside. The homework showed to them that she was very bright, but she was completely non-engaging and that was problematic.

Weird huh?

We met with a child psychologist who diagnosed "selective mutism". It could be super serious, like severe autism, and affect her life forever. There were, though, things to try. One example: he recommended that we arrange play dates for her with classmates in our home, which we did. The classmates who came over were stunned, because in our home, my daughter talked, played games, was friendly, and was nothing like the statue that they knew from school.

Still, back in school, she was a statue again. Then this behavior gradually expanded to other social settings, such as at a museum, in church, or in other public places. No more playing at the McDonalds playland. A switch was flipped as we walked out the door, and our bright, bubbly daughter was lost behind a shell. Frozen. Zombie-like.

Scary as hell, to any parent.

At wits end, we looked for more counseling. A doctor we found had a hypothesis that selective mutism and depression had similarities in brain biochemistry. His plan was to give her low dose Prozac syrup for a few months and look for a benefit.

Do we give our daughter Prozac? WTF?

Well, we did.

Within a few weeks, her brain was seemingly being rewired. Teachers contacted us, thrilled at their "new student". She laughed in public. Played. Talked, Engaged. She rose to the top of her class.

After a few months of daily Prozac, we tapered off to nothing. The rewiring persisted. Our girl was normal. She remained that way.

Two years back, 18 or so years after the therapy, she graduated Summa Cum Laude from Columbia University.

A brain is an amazing organ. Its inner workings are a mystery, but this taught me that behavioral disorders can have a definitive biochemical cause, and (thankfully) a cause that in this instance could be reversed.
 
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Eppy99

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I have had many close friends with mental health and addiction problems, but have had good luck with immediate family.

One exception, though.

When my daughter was young (3-4?) and went to preschool, she was always quiet after coming home and did not discuss what went on there, at all. Months went by and then there was a meet the teacher event. The teacher informed us that our daughter could never be made to utter even a single word in school. She seemed gripped by severe anxiety in the school setting. She would do in-class homework but would not talk and wouldn't play any games outside. The homework showed to them that she was very bright, but she was completely non-engaging and that was problematic.

Weird huh?

We met with a child psychologist who diagnosed "selective mutism". It could be super serious, like severe autism, and affect her life forever. There were, though, things to try. One example: he recommended that we arrange play dates for her with classmates in our home, which we did. The classmates who came over were stunned, because in our home, my daughter talked, played games, was friendly, and was nothing like the statue that they knew from school.

Still, back in school, she was a statue again. Then this behavior gradually expanded to other social settings, such as at a museum, in church, or in other public places. No more playing at the McDonalds playland. A switch was flipped as we walked out the door, and our bright, bubbly daughter was lost behind a shell. Frozen. Zombie-like.

Scary as hell, to any parent.

At wits end, we looked for more counseling. A doctor we found had a hypothesis that selective mutism and depression had similarities in brain biochemistry. His plan was to give her low dose Prozac syrup for a few months and look for a benefit.

Do we give our daughter Prozac? WFT?

Well, we did.

Within a few weeks, her brain was seemingly being rewired. Teachers contacted us, thrilled at their "new student". She laughed in public. Played. Talked, Engaged. She rose to the top of her class.

After a few months of daily Prozac, we tapered off to nothing. The rewiring persisted. Our girl was normal. She remained that way.

Two years back, 18 or so years after the therapy, she graduated Summa Cum Laude from Columbia University.

A brain is an amazing organ. Its inner workings are a mystery, but this taught me that behavioral disorders can have a definitive biochemical cause, and (thankfully) a cause that in this instance could be reversed.
That’s a great story! Thank you for sharing!
 
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iuwclurker

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So I know this isn’t a sexy topic or one that grown men are generally comfortable with. It seems to be a topic gaining traction because of athletes, actors, the need for mental health as it relates to mass shootings, etc. What doesn’t seem to get a lot of conversation is mental health for those in our own families. Again I know this is a tough subject and for too long men haven’t wanted to admit a self need or for privacy wanted to share what’s happening within their own family.

A few of you maybe more know I’ve shared difficulties my daughter(s) have faced and how fragile at times I even feel. If anything those episodes prepared our family for Covid more than anything. Almost losing a child to suicide and dealing with kids with eating disorders kinda helps reprioritize things in your life.
I may be anonymous but I can empathize with many of you that may be struggling or dealing with problems within the family.
Certainly you all don’t have to air everything out so publicly like I have chosen, but this website has provided me a place I feel safe to do so and it’s helped me. If anyone needs or wants to drop me a line privately I’m happy to chat through this site, via email, over the phone or in person.
We all came here because we love IU sports. Ya’ll are my brothers like it or not (even you @Mas-sa-suta you POS!). Let’s show some compassion every once in awhile regardless of our political leanings and differences. Hold tight to what makes us the same and I think we’ll all benefit greatly. Cheers, Eppy

P.S. I may have just binged Ted Lasso.
You might try this:

 

Noodle

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I have had many close friends with mental health and addiction problems, but have had good luck with immediate family.

One exception, though.

When my daughter was young (3-4?) and went to preschool, she was always quiet after coming home and did not discuss what went on there, at all. Months went by and then there was a meet the teacher event. The teacher informed us that our daughter could never be made to utter even a single word in school. She seemed gripped by severe anxiety in the school setting. She would do in-class homework but would not talk and wouldn't play any games outside. The homework showed to them that she was very bright, but she was completely non-engaging and that was problematic.

Weird huh?

We met with a child psychologist who diagnosed "selective mutism". It could be super serious, like severe autism, and affect her life forever. There were, though, things to try. One example: he recommended that we arrange play dates for her with classmates in our home, which we did. The classmates who came over were stunned, because in our home, my daughter talked, played games, was friendly, and was nothing like the statue that they knew from school.

Still, back in school, she was a statue again. Then this behavior gradually expanded to other social settings, such as at a museum, in church, or in other public places. No more playing at the McDonalds playland. A switch was flipped as we walked out the door, and our bright, bubbly daughter was lost behind a shell. Frozen. Zombie-like.

Scary as hell, to any parent.

At wits end, we looked for more counseling. A doctor we found had a hypothesis that selective mutism and depression had similarities in brain biochemistry. His plan was to give her low dose Prozac syrup for a few months and look for a benefit.

Do we give our daughter Prozac? WFT?

Well, we did.

Within a few weeks, her brain was seemingly being rewired. Teachers contacted us, thrilled at their "new student". She laughed in public. Played. Talked, Engaged. She rose to the top of her class.

After a few months of daily Prozac, we tapered off to nothing. The rewiring persisted. Our girl was normal. She remained that way.

Two years back, 18 or so years after the therapy, she graduated Summa Cum Laude from Columbia University.

A brain is an amazing organ. Its inner workings are a mystery, but this taught me that behavioral disorders can have a definitive biochemical cause, and (thankfully) a cause that in this instance could be reversed.
This post is awesome. And what a great thread.

I’m not ready to jump in (plus I’m not sure if I have much to offer). But today I had a bad experience with one of my son’s doctors. Worse yet, it was a doctor I really liked and respected. And I am certain the guy was absolutely oblivious to what he did and how it made me feel.
 
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DANC

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This post is awesome. And what a great thread.

I’m not ready to jump in (plus I’m not sure if I have much to offer). But today I had a bad experience with one of my son’s doctors. Worse yet, it was a doctor I really liked and respected. And I am certain the guy was absolutely oblivious to what he did and how it made me feel.
I've come to realize doctors aren't quite the supermen (or superwomen) I thought they were.
 
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mcmurtry66

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This post is awesome. And what a great thread.

I’m not ready to jump in (plus I’m not sure if I have much to offer). But today I had a bad experience with one of my son’s doctors. Worse yet, it was a doctor I really liked and respected. And I am certain the guy was absolutely oblivious to what he did and how it made me feel.
not to butt in or speak out of turn noodle but "the guy was absolutely oblivious" is my experience with many doctors. don't write him off. we've had family deaths with aneurysms and heart attacks in the last five years where it was all that i could do to keep from punching the shit out of a couple of treating doctors. it's a social disconnect that i've found unique to doctors that seems almost inexplicable. the likelihood of getting a better one with better bedside manners is slim.

very, very sorry to hear that tho.
 
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Noodle

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not to butt in or speak out of turn noodle but "the guy was absolutely oblivious" is my experience with many doctors. don't write him off. we've had family deaths with aneurysms and heart attacks in the last five years where it was all that i could do to keep from punching the shit out of a couple of treating doctors. it's a social disconnect that i've found unique to doctors that seems almost inexplicable. the likelihood of getting a better one with better bedside manners is slim.

very, very sorry to hear that tho.
I know but this time it’s affecting my son (and wasted half my morning). No it’s not life threatening or anything like that. But it was a lack of patience and effort on the doctor’s part. I’m just really annoyed at it all.

Yet, my troubles pale compared to what other parents are going through. We have three different good friends (couples) whose daughters have eating disorders (or behavioral issues in one case). All three girls have been hospitalized or sent to facilities in other states. It’s heartbreaking to see what they’re going through. Wonderful parents and kids, which makes it even harder to see.
 

mcmurtry66

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I know but this time it’s affecting my son (and wasted half my morning). No it’s not life threatening or anything like that. But it was a lack of patience and effort on the doctor’s part. I’m just really annoyed at it all.

Yet, my troubles pale compared to what other parents are going through. We have three different good friends (couples) whose daughters have eating disorders (or behavioral issues in one case). All three girls have been hospitalized or sent to facilities in other states. It’s heartbreaking to see what they’re going through. Wonderful parents and kids, which makes it even harder to see.
Heart-rending when it's your children. Can't imagine. Years ago my daughter's heart was collecting fluid. Idiopathic. We spent a week at children's hospital. Week wandering the halls and cafe of that place will sober ya up quick. Hard to believe what some parents endure
 
Sep 3, 2015
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I promised myself never to reply on the IU board since I’m a Purdue fan but this is bigger than sports. My sister is a sociopath, not diagnosed of course since she swindled my parents out of thousands of dollars and they were oblivious. They always thought if they bought her a new car or TV she’d be happy but nope, she just wanted to sit on the couch and moan.
I cut her off 15 years ago and don’t regret it. Once mom died she moved from Illinois to Colorado to leach off dad until (and while) he died of ALS. I felt sorry for her once everyone was gone and she was all alone but it instantly turned into what I could do for her. Hell, she mentioned what kind of inheritance we would get at the funeral.
Cut ties, it’s the only way. Some people are built wrong.
 

Noodle

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Heart-rending when it's your children. Can't imagine. Years ago my daughter's heart was collecting fluid. Idiopathic. We spent a week at children's hospital. Week wandering the halls and cafe of that place will sober ya up quick. Hard to believe what some parents endure
Been there. We were at children’s for three days when our son had his tonsils removed and had some minor complications. Families in the rooms around us had been there for months, including through Christmas. Felt guilty when doctors or nurses came in.
We are blessed to live in a city with one of the finest children’s hospitals in the world (Cincinnati).
 

DANC

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I promised myself never to reply on the IU board since I’m a Purdue fan but this is bigger than sports. My sister is a sociopath, not diagnosed of course since she swindled my parents out of thousands of dollars and they were oblivious. They always thought if they bought her a new car or TV she’d be happy but nope, she just wanted to sit on the couch and moan.
I cut her off 15 years ago and don’t regret it. Once mom died she moved from Illinois to Colorado to leach off dad until (and while) he died of ALS. I felt sorry for her once everyone was gone and she was all alone but it instantly turned into what I could do for her. Hell, she mentioned what kind of inheritance we would get at the funeral.
Cut ties, it’s the only way. Some people are built wrong.
At some point, in order to save yourself, you have to cut people away from your life. It can be family or friends. Part of the reason druggies can't kick the habit is because their friends are druggies, too.

I wouldn't say I cut myself off from anyone, but i refuse to be drawn into other people's drama. Fortunately, I've never been prone to be influenced by peer pressure that much (everyone is, to some extent). I'm not holding myself up an some kind of example, but I've made a conscious decision to not get dragged down by others.
 
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mcmurtry66

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Been there. We were at children’s for three days when our son had his tonsils removed and had some minor complications. Families in the rooms around us had been there for months, including through Christmas. Felt guilty when doctors or nurses came in.
We are blessed to live in a city with one of the finest children’s hospitals in the world (Cincinnati).
Ditto. Our children's hospital is part of Barnes-Jewish/ Washington University and it's incredible. One of the few great things here. There's a hotel connected to it and families stay there for months with sick kids. Big for pediatric cancer. Fing brutal.
 
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Sep 3, 2015
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At some point, in order to save yourself, you have to cut people away from your life. It can be family or friends. Part of the reason druggies can't kick the habit is because their friends are druggies, too.

I wouldn't say I cut myself off from anyone, but i refuse to be drawn into other people's drama. Fortunately, I've never been prone to be influenced by peer pressure that much (everyone is, to some extent). I'm not holding myself up an some kind of example, but I've made a conscious decision to not get dragged down by others.
I was raising a young family, working my ass off and to hear the derogatory statements she was making towards my wife, my sister in law and how to raise kids at the time was unbelievable. She didn’t even have kids or a boyfriend. There are variations on the theme but Joe has got a tough choice ahead. Don’t know if I could give up on one of my kids. Which would naturally continue the cycle like my parents did.
 
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Joe_Hoopsier

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I was raising a young family, working my ass off and to hear the derogatory statements she was making towards my wife, my sister in law and how to raise kids at the time was unbelievable. She didn’t even have kids or a boyfriend. There are variations on the theme but Joe has got a tough choice ahead. Don’t know if I could give up on one of my kids. Which would naturally continue the cycle like my parents did.
I've been doing a lot of soul searching. I've been used to the daughter totally taking advantage of (what I thought was) US, for the last several years.
But the water shed moment that keeps coming back in my reflection, is when the wife blamed ME, for not doing enough, to keep the hell child from destroying the 6th vehicle we've put her in.
The daughter is not the only one that is taking advantage, is the position I continue to land on. I simply do not have a team mate, it seems. I have two opponents.
I think it's time to pull the ball, ala Bob Knight Nov22, 1987 vrs Soviet nationals.

Thanks Eppy for starting this. I DO NOT discuss this crap, but apparently you were sent, with the right topic, at the right time, in the right place. Even I can't ignore these signs.
 
Sep 3, 2015
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I've been doing a lot of soul searching. I've been used to the daughter totally taking advantage of (what I thought was) US, for the last several years.
But the water shed moment that keeps coming back in my reflection, is when the wife blamed ME, for not doing enough, to keep the hell child from destroying the 6th vehicle we've put her in.
The daughter is not the only one that is taking advantage, is the position I continue to land on. I simply do not have a team mate, it seems. I have two opponents.
I think it's time to pull the ball, ala Bob Knight Nov22, 1987 vrs Soviet nationals.

Thanks Eppy for starting this. I DO NOT discuss this crap, but apparently you were sent, with the right topic, at the right time, in the right place. Even I can't ignore these signs.
Yep. I wasn’t dealing with a wife and kid I was dealing with a mom and sister. Mom always begged me to make my sister happy so she didn’t have to deal with her. Great example.
I put them both up in a two bedroom Bellagio penthouse suite as my final “let’s make peace” gesture. I watched them lose $100s is dollars playing slots (dumdasses). Mom said I needed to loan her $500 to give to my sister otherwise she’d be impossible to deal with. She’d already lost her $1000 in a day. I went to the bar and paid $7,50 a beer.
 

The Vid

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Yep. I wasn’t dealing with a wife and kid I was dealing with a mom and sister. Mom always begged me to make my sister happy so she didn’t have to deal with her. Great example.
I put them both up in a two bedroom Bellagio penthouse suite as my final “let’s make peace” gesture. I watched them lose $100s is dollars playing slots (dumdasses). Mom said I needed to loan her $500 to give to my sister otherwise she’d be impossible to deal with. She’d already lost her $1000 in a day. I went to the bar and paid $7,50 a beer.
A trip to Vegas? What could go wrong?
 

stollcpa

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My family experienced mental health issues with my brother. He was a straight A student and unlike me was quite and bashful.

He clashed with my parents over college. They wasted money for two years trying to make him go to college. He quit and got a job at a glove factory. They had 30 knitting machines from Korea. There were no parts for these machines and no one to work on them. He had a manual. His job was to keep these machines going around the clock. He jury rigged parts and always kept them running. His employer and all the employees thought the world of him.

One day around age 32 my mom and dad got a call from his wife saying his wasn’t going to work and had several trips to ER. Every trip diagnosed as panic attack.

My mom instructed his wife to bring her son to the farm and she’d get that laziness out of him. About 5pm that evening my parents summoned me and my sister to the farm. To this day my mother hasn’t told us what my brother said but he checked himself into a mental health facility in Terre Haute. 30 days later the had him on meds and said he had a chemical imbalance.

He went back to work, had a second daughter, eventually was taken off medication. Everything seemed great it his life. Then December 9, 1997 at age 37 my dad got a call from my brother. He asked dad to take him back to his doc to get back on meds. The next day my dad was driving to his house to pick him up. About 1 mile from my brothers house there was a long line of cars stopped. Word got back to my dad a bad accident ahead and his son was in it. Dad walked ahead to the wreck. My brother was dead at 37. Head on crash with a semi. The driver said he ducked down like he was reaching for something and drove head on into the semi.

To this day we don’t know if he committed suicide or it was an accident. He left a widow who went back to college and got a degree on physical therapy. His two young dauthers are grown and each have two kids. One daughter is a professor at Austin Peay and the other has masters in Psychology and works with young kids. She has issues with depression.

The day he died is the only day I ever seen my dad or mom cry. I have many memories of my brother but the best is in October before he died we played a two man golf tournament together and won. Only time we played a tournament together. My regret is being more concerned with my career and not having more of those memories with my brother.

I openly talk to friends and clients about mental health issues if they are dealing with it. It makes people uncomfortable. It doesn’t to me. I talk about it in hopes of helping other people not stick their head in the sand like we did. People in our community think it’s something to be ashamed of. My brother was extremely intelligent. He had a chemical imbalance. He wasn’t crazy. I only wish I had been there when he needed help.
 

ulrey

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earle Indiana
My family experienced mental health issues with my brother. He was a straight A student and unlike me was quite and bashful.

He clashed with my parents over college. They wasted money for two years trying to make him go to college. He quit and got a job at a glove factory. They had 30 knitting machines from Korea. There were no parts for these machines and no one to work on them. He had a manual. His job was to keep these machines going around the clock. He jury rigged parts and always kept them running. His employer and all the employees thought the world of him.

One day around age 32 my mom and dad got a call from his wife saying his wasn’t going to work and had several trips to ER. Every trip diagnosed as panic attack.

My mom instructed his wife to bring her son to the farm and she’d get that laziness out of him. About 5pm that evening my parents summoned me and my sister to the farm. To this day my mother hasn’t told us what my brother said but he checked himself into a mental health facility in Terre Haute. 30 days later the had him on meds and said he had a chemical imbalance.

He went back to work, had a second daughter, eventually was taken off medication. Everything seemed great it his life. Then December 9, 1997 at age 37 my dad got a call from my brother. He asked dad to take him back to his doc to get back on meds. The next day my dad was driving to his house to pick him up. About 1 mile from my brothers house there was a long line of cars stopped. Word got back to my dad a bad accident ahead and his son was in it. Dad walked ahead to the wreck. My brother was dead at 37. Head on crash with a semi. The driver said he ducked down like he was reaching for something and drove head on into the semi.

To this day we don’t know if he committed suicide or it was an accident. He left a widow who went back to college and got a degree on physical therapy. His two young dauthers are grown and each have two kids. One daughter is a professor at Austin Peay and the other has masters in Psychology and works with young kids. She has issues with depression.

The day he died is the only day I ever seen my dad or mom cry. I have many memories of my brother but the best is in October before he died we played a two man golf tournament together and won. Only time we played a tournament together. My regret is being more concerned with my career and not having more of those memories with my brother.

I openly talk to friends and clients about mental health issues if they are dealing with it. It makes people uncomfortable. It doesn’t to me. I talk about it in hopes of helping other people not stick their head in the sand like we did. People in our community think it’s something to be ashamed of. My brother was extremely intelligent. He had a chemical imbalance. He wasn’t crazy. I only wish I had been there when he needed help.
damn.
 

mcmurtry66

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My family experienced mental health issues with my brother. He was a straight A student and unlike me was quite and bashful.

He clashed with my parents over college. They wasted money for two years trying to make him go to college. He quit and got a job at a glove factory. They had 30 knitting machines from Korea. There were no parts for these machines and no one to work on them. He had a manual. His job was to keep these machines going around the clock. He jury rigged parts and always kept them running. His employer and all the employees thought the world of him.

One day around age 32 my mom and dad got a call from his wife saying his wasn’t going to work and had several trips to ER. Every trip diagnosed as panic attack.

My mom instructed his wife to bring her son to the farm and she’d get that laziness out of him. About 5pm that evening my parents summoned me and my sister to the farm. To this day my mother hasn’t told us what my brother said but he checked himself into a mental health facility in Terre Haute. 30 days later the had him on meds and said he had a chemical imbalance.

He went back to work, had a second daughter, eventually was taken off medication. Everything seemed great it his life. Then December 9, 1997 at age 37 my dad got a call from my brother. He asked dad to take him back to his doc to get back on meds. The next day my dad was driving to his house to pick him up. About 1 mile from my brothers house there was a long line of cars stopped. Word got back to my dad a bad accident ahead and his son was in it. Dad walked ahead to the wreck. My brother was dead at 37. Head on crash with a semi. The driver said he ducked down like he was reaching for something and drove head on into the semi.

To this day we don’t know if he committed suicide or it was an accident. He left a widow who went back to college and got a degree on physical therapy. His two young dauthers are grown and each have two kids. One daughter is a professor at Austin Peay and the other has masters in Psychology and works with young kids. She has issues with depression.

The day he died is the only day I ever seen my dad or mom cry. I have many memories of my brother but the best is in October before he died we played a two man golf tournament together and won. Only time we played a tournament together. My regret is being more concerned with my career and not having more of those memories with my brother.

I openly talk to friends and clients about mental health issues if they are dealing with it. It makes people uncomfortable. It doesn’t to me. I talk about it in hopes of helping other people not stick their head in the sand like we did. People in our community think it’s something to be ashamed of. My brother was extremely intelligent. He had a chemical imbalance. He wasn’t crazy. I only wish I had been there when he needed help.
Absolutely tragic. Very sorry to hear this
 
Aug 9, 2021
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The family is a place where everyone expects to find sincere support, warm participation, interest and understanding, love and acceptance. Where you can relax, relax, gain strength for subsequent social activity. And if the family is a place where there is discomfort, inconvenience, tense atmosphere, cold, hostility, aggression, discontent, alienation, can we talk about the well-being of both the family itself and its individual participants? Of course not. There was a time in our family when we were fighting every day and we decided to turn to melbournefunctionalmedicine.com.auu and they helped us to sort out all the problems and feel comfortable.
 
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Marvin the Martian

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I had a brother serve in Vietnam in the army. Returned home, but didn't like it, so reenlisted in the navy as a corpsman. He served at Great Lakes when the POWs were brought there, and that seems to have really set something off in him. He was assigned to an amphibious ship with the Marines and was at Beiruit. I recall a letter he sent me saying the ships were often shelled from artillery batteries onshore. His ship was sent from Beiruit to Granada when the bombing happened and within 2 weeks of all that he had a section 8. He had become very paranoid, he thought everyone was out to get him and his family. He had a wife and two kids, the second had spina bifida common with Agent Orange exposure in Vietnam. His wife had to divorce him, he was incapable of anything. Since that time, he has made only rare contact with anyone in his family. He would contact the oldest brother, often to borrow money. He would, at times, seem completely normal in those contacts. But that wouldn't last. At times he would sound normal in calling to ask for money, but in the few hours it took the oldest brother to get to him he wouldn't answer the door and would want to know who sent the oldest brother to see him.

PTSD is one hell of a price to pay. A lot of our homeless are veterans with PTSD. If we can't fund adequate mental health services for veterans we need to stop sending soldiers to wars.
 

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