Matthew McConaughey with a TMI story about his parents...

kkott

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Oct 26, 2001
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One of my jokes for my standup was about sex/viagra. Regarding the commercial disclaimer where it says consult your physician to see if you're healthy enough for sex, my joke was "trust me: if you gotta ask, you're not healthy enough for sex... have your wife call me! The way I know I'm not healthy enough for sex is when I keel over while humpin' my brains out!" "If you're not healthy enough for sex; is life worth livin'? I say "screw it" and go out with guns ablazin'" Thought I had some decent material... that got laughs.
 

MyTeamIsOnTheFloor

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Duckburg
One of my jokes for my standup was about sex/viagra. Regarding the commercial disclaimer where it says consult your physician to see if you're healthy enough for sex, my joke was "trust me: if you gotta ask, you're not healthy enough for sex... have your wife call me! The way I know I'm not healthy enough for sex is when I keel over while humpin' my brains out!" "If you're not healthy enough for sex; is life worth livin'? I say "screw it" and go out with guns ablazin'" Thought I had some decent material... that got laughs.
Jokes are hate.
I cancel thee.
 
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VanPastorMan

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Central Pennsylvania Via Washington Indiana
TL;DR - his dad died while he was having sex with his mom...and had predicted that would happen.
What a way to go! Years ago a preacher in Florida died as he was preaching on Heaven. He clutched his chest and dropped dead. I always thought that was a way to go for preachers because we are doing what we love. I did a funeral for a guy who loved golf and he died on the course. So if Matthew's dad loved his mother then......what a way to go!
 

BCCHoosier

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Sep 5, 2001
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What a way to go! Years ago a preacher in Florida died as he was preaching on Heaven. He clutched his chest and dropped dead. I always thought that was a way to go for preachers because we are doing what we love. I did a funeral for a guy who loved golf and he died on the course. So if Matthew's dad loved his mother then......what a way to go!
Ever think having your husband die while riding you ain't so great for the woman?
 

kraft cheese+macaroni

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What a way to go! Years ago a preacher in Florida died as he was preaching on Heaven. He clutched his chest and dropped dead. I always thought that was a way to go for preachers because we are doing what we love. I did a funeral for a guy who loved golf and he died on the course. So if Matthew's dad loved his mother then......what a way to go!
Taking other people's money would probably rank even higher for a way for a preacher to go
 

outside shooter

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VPM:
"Don't make me holler
don't make me shout,
just turn yer pockets...INSIDE OUT!

The sound of that cash,
never gets old
The coins, they do jingle
But God prefers money that folds
 

sglowrider

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Apr 9, 2012
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Tiny Red Dot
I think I mentioned this story before about my dad's business partner and university roommate.

I went to his wake and spoke to the son. And said ''well guys from our dad's generation always knew life to the fullest. Wink wink.''

He then said that he was still 'bad to the end.''

I said 'what?' He then had to leave to greet other guests but not before he told me to ''hang on and I will tell you what actually happened.''

So I wandered off to say my condolences to the others in the funeral parlour -- spoke to the dead guy's sister over the coffin and said how sorry I was.

She said ''he had a peaceful death. Had lunch with the son at the club, did a bit of weights at the club's gym after lunch. Then came home, read a book and had a nap and died peacefully after that. That's why he was so at peace.''

Finally caught up with the son later -- we had a few beers there at the funeral parlour. (A first for me.) I think I would have been caught for DUI outside the place if cops had stopped me.

Anyway, he said the girl just moved in like a week before that.
I said: WTF! What? (I thought... lunch at the club, gym, reading a book... then death.)

''I came rushing back from the office; was on the phone constantly with the brother, from the lunch @ the club (he's a cardiologist) while driving. The brother was giving all sorts of instructions on what to do when I get to Dad's house.

So when I got to Dad's house, I told the brother that the ambulance driver was having a ciggie at the gate to the house.

The brother said 'oh dear!'

I then went inside, and Dad was naked laying on the floor in his bedroom. The girl (who was a student at a local university) was nowhere to be seen.

(I was like: 'what? Girl? Just moved in? University?)

I had to cover him up with a robe.''

And the rest...

A few months later, I was invited to my friend's cousin's wedding. I saw the dead guy's brother, another old family friend.

After a few drinks, I mentioned something about his brother's death.

He said: ''Yeap. Stupid bastard. He was just being greedy, One girl wasn't enough?!!''

Apparently, the live-in girl brought along one of her university classmates that eventful afternoon.

So explains the mystery of why he looked so at peace in the coffin. Some might even think that he was actually smiling!
 
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MyTeamIsOnTheFloor

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I think I mentioned this story before about my dad's business partner and university roommate.

I went to his wake and spoke to the son. And said ''well guys from our dad's generation always knew life to the fullest. Wink wink.''

He then said that he was still 'bad to the end.''

I said 'what?' He then had to leave to greet other guests but not before he told me to ''hang on and I will tell you what actually happened.''

So I wandered off to say my condolences to the others in the funeral parlour -- spoke to the dead guy's sister over the coffin and said how sorry I was.

She said ''he had a peaceful death. Had lunch with the son at the club, did a bit of weights at the club's gym after lunch. Then came home, read a book and had a nap and died peacefully after that. That's why he was so at peace.''

Finally caught up with the son later -- we had a few beers there at the funeral parlour. (A first for me.) I think I would have been caught for DUI outside the place if cops had stopped me.

Anyway, he said the girl just moved in like a week before that.
I said: WTF! What? (I thought... lunch at the club, gym, reading a book... then death.)

''I came rushing back from the office; was on the phone constantly with the brother, from the lunch @ the club (he's a cardiologist) while driving. The brother was giving all sorts of instructions on what to do when I get to Dad's house.

So when I got to Dad's house, I told the brother that the ambulance driver was having a ciggie at the gate to the house.

The brother said 'oh dear!'

I then went inside, and Dad was naked laying on the floor in his bedroom. The girl (who was a student at a local university) was nowhere to be seen.

(I was like: 'what? Girl? Just moved in? University?)

I had to cover him up with a robe.''

And the rest...

A few months later, I was invited to my friend's cousin's wedding. I saw the dead guy's brother, another old family friend.

After a few drinks, I mentioned something about his brother's death.

He said: ''Yeap. Stupid bastard. He was just being greedy, One girl wasn't enough?!!''

Apparently, the live-in girl brought along one of her university classmates that eventful afternoon.

So explains the mystery of why he looked so at peace in the coffin. Some might even think that he was actually smiling!
2 long
Dint reed
 
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BHAII

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Jul 6, 2016
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I think I mentioned this story before about my dad's business partner and university roommate.

I went to his wake and spoke to the son. And said ''well guys from our dad's generation always knew life to the fullest. Wink wink.''

He then said that he was still 'bad to the end.''

I said 'what?' He then had to leave to greet other guests but not before he told me to ''hang on and I will tell you what actually happened.''

So I wandered off to say my condolences to the others in the funeral parlour -- spoke to the dead guy's sister over the coffin and said how sorry I was.

She said ''he had a peaceful death. Had lunch with the son at the club, did a bit of weights at the club's gym after lunch. Then came home, read a book and had a nap and died peacefully after that. That's why he was so at peace.''

Finally caught up with the son later -- we had a few beers there at the funeral parlour. (A first for me.) I think I would have been caught for DUI outside the place if cops had stopped me.

Anyway, he said the girl just moved in like a week before that.
I said: WTF! What? (I thought... lunch at the club, gym, reading a book... then death.)

''I came rushing back from the office; was on the phone constantly with the brother, from the lunch @ the club (he's a cardiologist) while driving. The brother was giving all sorts of instructions on what to do when I get to Dad's house.

So when I got to Dad's house, I told the brother that the ambulance driver was having a ciggie at the gate to the house.

The brother said 'oh dear!'

I then went inside, and Dad was naked laying on the floor in his bedroom. The girl (who was a student at a local university) was nowhere to be seen.

(I was like: 'what? Girl? Just moved in? University?)

I had to cover him up with a robe.''

And the rest...

A few months later, I was invited to my friend's cousin's wedding. I saw the dead guy's brother, another old family friend.

After a few drinks, I mentioned something about his brother's death.

He said: ''Yeap. Stupid bastard. He was just being greedy, One girl wasn't enough?!!''

Apparently, the live-in girl brought along one of her university classmates that eventful afternoon.

So explains the mystery of why he looked so at peace in the coffin. Some might even think that he was actually smiling!
Not sure I followed all the friends and cousins, but I go the part about the 2 coeds and the old guy! That’s exactly why I keep working out and staying in shape!
 
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