Here's your official Andy Awards, presented by Kate Upton

TheOriginalHappyGoat

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Oct 4, 2010
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Hi, everyone! Thanks for having me! I'm so excited to be here, and I'm just honored I was chosen for this, umm, honor. Yeah.

Goat told me this was an appropriate outfit for an awards ceremony.

Tonight we, umm, honor, I guess, the best and the brightest of the AOTF, or at least the folks with the most memorable screen names, or who post so often that you can't help but remember who they are, no matter how hard they try. Of course, we first want to thank the esteemed President and Chairman of the Board for the OTF Hall of Fame committee, Goat!

That's right, he can rock it.

Earlier, we got a glimpse of Peegs himself arriving on the red carpet.

Humble guy, our fearless leader is.

Even Coach Pete Bell got a weekend pass to make it out tonight.

I don't think he'll be making any after parties.

Well, I don't want to drag this on too long. Pitchers and catchers report in a couple of days, and I want to get some last minute catching of my own in. Or maybe some pitching, if Justin is up for it.

Ha ha! I'm adorable!

Well, like any good awards show, we'll be starting off with the minor technical awards no one GAFF about, like Best Whiner and Biggest Pervert, so strap in, and get ready for a wild ride of mediocre humor sprinkled with a few pictures of hot chicks in bikinis.
 

TheOriginalHappyGoat

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Award: Biggest Pervert, presented by Julia Garner.

Well, I suppose it only makes sense they asked me to present this award, since I'm famous for playing jailbait.

I'm actually old enough to drink! Can you believe it?

The Award for Outstanding Achievement in Perversion is a highly sought after award. Probably about 25% of the posts on the AOTF are legally questionable, and I'd guess maybe 50% of the posters, as well. This is a forward-looking award, however, presented to that poster his or her peers feel is the most likely to be arrested for a sex crime in 2015. The nominees are:
C-$
toastedbread
McNutt
VanPastorMan


And the Andy goes to...
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toastedbread!

Wasn't even a contest.

Congratulations, toasted, here's your Andy:

 

TheOriginalHappyGoat

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Award: Biggest Whiner, presented by Elin Nordegren

Kate:

Wow! Congratulations, toasted, on your very first Andy!

I'm so proud of you!

Well, no one likes a whiny bitch, right, especially when it involves their personal lives you don't care about? Here to present the award for Outstanding Achievement in Whining, someone who could learn a thing or too about knowing her place and keeping her damn mouth shut, Elin Nordegren!

Shut up, bitch, I got paid like a champ.

Thanks, Kate, I guess. This award is for the poster who we care very deeply about, but, goddamn, just shut up about your shitty life once in a while, okay? Thanks. The nominees for Best Whiner are:
McNutt
Goat
Zeke
C-$


And the Andy goes to...
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McNutt!

Goddammit.

Congrats, McNutt on your first victory! Here's your Andy:

 

TheOriginalHappyGoat

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Award: Most Trusted to Fix this Dump, presented by Alexis Texas

Kate:

Congratulations, McNutt on your first Andy! McNutt was nominated for a whopping SIX Andy Awards tonight!

I can count to ten!

So that's pretty impressive! Let's give it up for McNutt, again, everyone!

Shut the @#*& up.

Well, we're taking a slight detour into the closest thing the Andys has to a Yearbook Award. Look, let's accept facts. This place blows the past few years. The award for Most Trusted to Turn this Dump Around in 2015 is presented to a poster who, while not nominated for an Andy this year, we all know has it in him or her to do what it takes to improve the AOTF in the coming year. Can't get any worse, right? Since the easiest way to turn this board around is posting pictures of some sweet, juicy booty, we figured we'd ask the one and only Alexis Texas to present this award.

This picture gets a LOT bigger. We'll just pause here so you can stare at it for a while.

Alexis:

Thanks, Kate! There are very few things I enjoy in this world than showing off what God gave me downstairs. At least, other than things that won't get rejected by the Rivals.com filter and/or land Goat a suspension from Peegs. Anyway, this turned out to be one of the most hotly contested categories this year. All four nominees were within 3% of each other. The nominees for Most Trusted to Fix this Dump are:
UTFO
stunnedmonkey
LeConte
HoosierGrandaddy

And the Andy goes to...
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UTFO!

About damn time I got some recanishin.

Congrats, UTFO, and here's your Andy:

 

Rangeline Fan

Hall of Famer
Gold Member
Mar 22, 2007
39,101
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We all know that isn't his first Andy...

....He may have looked like an Andi, but "she" was definitely an Andy...
 

TheOriginalHappyGoat

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Award: Worst Thread, presented by Michael Fassbender

Kate:

What? We're not done yet? Jesus Christ. Alright.

Hey! We're back! We're going to award our first posting award, the Award for Outstanding Achievement in Sucking, given to the worst topic or thread of the year.

[Insert your own "Achievement in Sucking" joke here.]

To counteract a potential lawsuit from last year, presenting this award is Michael Fassbender.

Hey. I know you're questioning your sexuality right now. It's okay. I won't tell.

In yet another award McNutt is up for...

Why won't you leave me alone?

...we have the award presented for that thread or topic that just won't die, even though we all wish it would. The nominess for Worst Thread are:
"I walked 18 holes today" (McNutt)
"Best Dead Show on this Date" (Zizkov)
"GOOOOAAAAALLLL!!!" (Group effort)
Politics (Group effort)
Requests for chat recap (Group effort)
Craft Beer (Group effort)


And the Andy goes to....
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Any and All Posts Related to Craft Beer!

Congratulations, everyone! It's a group victory!

You're all winners!

Here's your Andy, guess you'll have to share!


Now, we're going to take a short break so Goat can reload on beer.
This post was edited on 2/22 9:42 PM by TheOriginalHappyGoat
 

C-$

Hall of Famer
Nov 1, 2002
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Carmel, Indiana
Dammit, if I'm not gonna have to give a speech I'm just gonna get loaded.

Ah, hell, who am I kidding? I would have given my speech hammered anyway.
 

McNutt76

Hall of Famer
Sep 1, 2001
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Ironically, my wife just called me a "whiner" a few minutes

ago while we were playing cards. I am very humbled by this award. vbg
 

TheOriginalHappyGoat

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Award: Biggest Troll, presented by Milana Vayntrub

Announcer:

Welcome back from the commercial break. Here's Kate. Kate?

Wait for me! I'm coming!

Kate:

Whew! Just made it. Well, we've reached our first major award of the evening, the Award for Outstanding Achievement in Trolling. Presenting tonight is Milana Vayntrub.

Remember me, from the AT&T commercial? That's right. That's me.

Milana:

Thanks, Kate. Trolls are a very special breed of poster. They don't themselves have to be annoying. Sometimes they can be quite funny. They just have to know what to post to get someone's - or everyone's - panties in a lather. In other words, they are the world leading experts at Startin' Some Chit. The nominees for Biggest Troll are:
outside shooter
C-$
TMP
McNutt


And the Andy goes to...
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C-$!

Bro.

This is C-$'s first Andy of the evening, and.. wait. What's this? RangelineFan is coming on stage?

Don't ruin this for me.

Well. That was exciting. Anyway, C-$, here's your Andy.

We'll pause for your drunken acceptance speech.

 

TheOriginalHappyGoat

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Award: Biggest Know-it-all, presented by Emmy Rossum

Kate:

Well, we're back. During the break, I decided to take a quick dip in the pool.

It was very refreshing!

The Award for Outstanding Achievement In Knowing Too Goddamn Much is awarded to the poster who we all think is either the smartest, or thinks he's the smartest. To present the ward, Emmy Rossum.

The description said "Emmy Rossum Topless." I want my money back.

Emmy:

Well, Kate, this is our second major award of the evening, presented to the Brains of the OTF. Despite generally being a den of stupidity and degradation, we take the time out of our evening to honor someone who shows he knows how to use some gray matter - or "grey matter," as this poster likely spells it - and isn't afraid to show it off. The nominees for Biggest Know-it-all are:
TMP
Goat
MTIOTF
outside shooter


And the Andy goes to...
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...TMP!

Groovy.

Congratulations, TMP. Here's your Andy.

 

Guy_Fawkes

Senior
Oct 3, 2012
2,467
36
48
You people don't know how to do anything right ..

this was Goat's award.

It was simple and obvious but no ..

You gave mine to C-$.

*stomping off stage*











This post was edited on 2/22 10:19 PM by Guy_Fawkes
 

TheOriginalHappyGoat

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Award: Best Thread, presented by Hillary Duff

Kate:

Well, we're coming down to the big three. First up is the Award for Outstanding Achievement in Posting for a Thread or Topic.

You know, based on my facial expression, I might be pooping.

Here to present the award is Hillary Duff.

Hillary:

Yes, Kate, this award is to recognize the best thread or topic, as opposed to specific post, of the year.

My presence here may give something away.

And the nominees for Best Thread are:
I walked 18 holes today (McNutt)
Asian Thursday (Coach Pete Bell)
Aruss In Memoriam (Group effort)
Shortest Tom Crean Book Titles (Group effort)


And the Andy goes to...
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Memories of Aruss!

Not a big surprise, of course. We saw lots of old posters come back in December and share stories of our departed leader. Another Group award.

Everyone gets a trophy!

Here's your Andy, everyone:

 

TheOriginalHappyGoat

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Award: Poster of the Year, presented by Gisele.

Kate:

Are we done yet? My legs are getting tired.

And it couldn't possibly be from sitting like this all night.

We're down to the last two, Best Poster and Best Post. First, the Award for Outstanding Achievement by an Individual Poster. Presenting is Gisele.

I want you all to know I'm secretly a Colts fan.

Gisele:

Thank you, thank you! I'm so happy to be here. I had to get out of that damn house. I'm so sick of deflated things (*rimshot*). Ha ha! Thanks, Billy Crystal wrote that joke for me. Anyway, Poster of the Year awards the poster who most impressed us with his entire body of work for the year. The nominees are...
Aruss
HA2740
Cap
Moops
Zizkov
RangelineFan
Warison
Zeke
Burnthemallralphie
McNutt


And the Andy goes to...
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Oh, who are we kidding? A vengeful God decided this award for us. Of course the Andy goes to our dearly departed Aruss.

No jokes.

This one's for you, buddy:

 

hoosierdug

Hall of Famer
Dec 2, 2003
10,224
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CLAP CLAP CLAP

Well done, Goat! Thanks for all the work you put in to this. Very nicely done.
 

TheOriginalHappyGoat

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Last Award: Best Post, presented by Kate.

Kate:

Alright, guys, I'm just going to do this last one myself.

You don't mind, right?

The Award for Outstanding Achievement in Posting for a Single Post is awarded to the poster who was able to put all of his or her brilliance into one single post to be remembered for all time. Let's look at the nominees for Best Post.

First, burnthemallralphie for "The Continuing Adventures of McNuttz76"


Next, Capital Hoosier for "Unsatisfied Expressions"

Next, Peegs for "Where Basketball Belongs"


And, finally, outside shooter for "Hotel Indiana"


And the Andy goes to...
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... burnthemallralphie for "The Continuing Adventures of McNuttz76!"

Congrats, ralphie, on your first Andy!

I deserved this!

Here's your Andy:


And that's going to do it for us tonight. Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next year!

Buh-bye, boys!



This post was edited on 2/22 10:43 PM by TheOriginalHappyGoat
 

hoosierdug

Hall of Famer
Dec 2, 2003
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Not Edge of Tomorrow, I hope.

Tom Cruise? This is very telling about you, GF. *snicker*