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Hello*

It is the Walmart of strip joints.
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I feel we definitely made the right decision having her admitted. My wife and I visited her from 5:30-6:30 last night and she already seems much better. She knows she’s safe from harming herself and can just focus on getting better. We spent the hour talking and laughing and looking for things to look forward to in the near and distant future. She says she’s motivated to get better which is why she wanted to be admitted more than we did originally.

While she’s severely depressed i like that the facility has recognized that helping her with the eating disorder is the first step in her recovery so she can physically handle this hard work of day long therapy. They won’t force feed her but she’s on an aggressive diet of 1500 calories per day with the goal of her gaining 1 lb per day.

the messed up thing is that as she gains weight to get healthier it can trigger a negative response because she knows she’s adding weight if her clothes start to fit more properly. They do blind weight checks but kids are pretty smart. So hoping she gains the weight and gets through that part ok.

I can’t wait to visit her tonight...giving her up was the best thing but very painful yesterday.

Thanks again for allowing me to vent here when there really isn’t another place I can be so candid.
 
Great news, Eppy.
Hang in there as it is a long road for her and for all of you.
Glad you feel open to vent to those who are internet friends/family.
Glad your daughter has your full support.
Thoughts and prayers as you all move forward.
 
I feel we definitely made the right decision having her admitted. My wife and I visited her from 5:30-6:30 last night and she already seems much better. She knows she’s safe from harming herself and can just focus on getting better. We spent the hour talking and laughing and looking for things to look forward to in the near and distant future. She says she’s motivated to get better which is why she wanted to be admitted more than we did originally.

While she’s severely depressed i like that the facility has recognized that helping her with the eating disorder is the first step in her recovery so she can physically handle this hard work of day long therapy. They won’t force feed her but she’s on an aggressive diet of 1500 calories per day with the goal of her gaining 1 lb per day.

the messed up thing is that as she gains weight to get healthier it can trigger a negative response because she knows she’s adding weight if her clothes start to fit more properly. They do blind weight checks but kids are pretty smart. So hoping she gains the weight and gets through that part ok.

I can’t wait to visit her tonight...giving her up was the best thing but very painful yesterday.

Thanks again for allowing me to vent here when there really isn’t another place I can be so candid.

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PS - Gaining weight is something I have a lifetime of experience in. It starts with drinking at least 3 Stroh’s half quarts and watching a Curtis Mathes television every night in a frat house. And strict dedication to a life without meaningful exercise. So far, not a single medical care provider has adopted my methods.
 
I feel we definitely made the right decision having her admitted. My wife and I visited her from 5:30-6:30 last night and she already seems much better. She knows she’s safe from harming herself and can just focus on getting better. We spent the hour talking and laughing and looking for things to look forward to in the near and distant future. She says she’s motivated to get better which is why she wanted to be admitted more than we did originally.

While she’s severely depressed i like that the facility has recognized that helping her with the eating disorder is the first step in her recovery so she can physically handle this hard work of day long therapy. They won’t force feed her but she’s on an aggressive diet of 1500 calories per day with the goal of her gaining 1 lb per day.

the messed up thing is that as she gains weight to get healthier it can trigger a negative response because she knows she’s adding weight if her clothes start to fit more properly. They do blind weight checks but kids are pretty smart. So hoping she gains the weight and gets through that part ok.

I can’t wait to visit her tonight...giving her up was the best thing but very painful yesterday.

Thanks again for allowing me to vent here when there really isn’t another place I can be so candid.
You're a good man, Eppy!
 
I feel we definitely made the right decision having her admitted. My wife and I visited her from 5:30-6:30 last night and she already seems much better. She knows she’s safe from harming herself and can just focus on getting better. We spent the hour talking and laughing and looking for things to look forward to in the near and distant future. She says she’s motivated to get better which is why she wanted to be admitted more than we did originally.

While she’s severely depressed i like that the facility has recognized that helping her with the eating disorder is the first step in her recovery so she can physically handle this hard work of day long therapy. They won’t force feed her but she’s on an aggressive diet of 1500 calories per day with the goal of her gaining 1 lb per day.

the messed up thing is that as she gains weight to get healthier it can trigger a negative response because she knows she’s adding weight if her clothes start to fit more properly. They do blind weight checks but kids are pretty smart. So hoping she gains the weight and gets through that part ok.

I can’t wait to visit her tonight...giving her up was the best thing but very painful yesterday.

Thanks again for allowing me to vent here when there really isn’t another place I can be so candid.
Let her have bacon...
 
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Kid is hanging in there. She says she’s feeling better, but it’s hard to accept it when she sounds so meek and down. I keep thinking though how wouldn’t anyone feel down being in the same situation.

They took her clothes and she has to wear these plastic looking scrubs because they she said she had suicidal thoughts last night. I guess they call it “line of sight” where someone has to always be able to see her for a period of time, even to go to the bathroom.

Its hard sometimes to believe her when she says she’s getting better, especially when she’s wearing these horrible looking scrubs.

She has put on a little bit of weight from the high caloric diet they have her on. That’s something positive I guess...

I’m trying to stay positive, it’s just hard when you see your kid looking like a shell of themselves.
 
Kid is hanging in there. She says she’s feeling better, but it’s hard to accept it when she sounds so meek and down. I keep thinking though how wouldn’t anyone feel down being in the same situation.

They took her clothes and she has to wear these plastic looking scrubs because they she said she had suicidal thoughts last night. I guess they call it “line of sight” where someone has to always be able to see her for a period of time, even to go to the bathroom.

Its hard sometimes to believe her when she says she’s getting better, especially when she’s wearing these horrible looking scrubs.

She has put on a little bit of weight from the high caloric diet they have her on. That’s something positive I guess...

I’m trying to stay positive, it’s just hard when you see your kid looking like a shell of themselves.

Hang in there. You are the strong front for all. But remember that these sort of recovery isnt a straight line upwards and will take a couple of years. There will be forward progression and then some bumps & bruises.

As long as everyone knows that there is light at the end of the tunnel. And you consistently paint a picture of what's there, that will keep everyone going.
 
I feel we definitely made the right decision having her admitted. My wife and I visited her from 5:30-6:30 last night and she already seems much better. She knows she’s safe from harming herself and can just focus on getting better. We spent the hour talking and laughing and looking for things to look forward to in the near and distant future. She says she’s motivated to get better which is why she wanted to be admitted more than we did originally.

While she’s severely depressed i like that the facility has recognized that helping her with the eating disorder is the first step in her recovery so she can physically handle this hard work of day long therapy. They won’t force feed her but she’s on an aggressive diet of 1500 calories per day with the goal of her gaining 1 lb per day.

the messed up thing is that as she gains weight to get healthier it can trigger a negative response because she knows she’s adding weight if her clothes start to fit more properly. They do blind weight checks but kids are pretty smart. So hoping she gains the weight and gets through that part ok.

I can’t wait to visit her tonight...giving her up was the best thing but very painful yesterday.

Thanks again for allowing me to vent here when there really isn’t another place I can be so candid.
My daughter is a supervisor in a place like you are describing. They do great work and she loves helping people with eating disorders. Good luck to your daughter and to you.
 
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...Been working to get the house safe.

Man, I'm sorry. What a shitty thing to have to worry about for your kids. Again, you are doing all you can. Her recovery is in her hands. I hope she's ready.
 
Good luck Eppy. I've had some version of this on my whiteboard in my home office for the last 4-5 years. Sometimes it's what you should worry about instead of focus on, depending on what's going on. I hope it's helpful.
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Keeping my fingers crossed kid gets to come home today. Family session at 10:00am to decide. I honestly think she’s ready. Been working to get the house safe.
Thanks for sharing all you have with us concerning your daughter. You may help someone else in the process.

Serious, hoping not to sound like a dick question: If you "honestly think she's ready" to come home, why do you think there's a need to "get the house safe"? That tells me she's still a danger to herself, not ready to come home. How do the professionals view this?
 
Thanks for sharing all you have with us concerning your daughter. You may help someone else in the process.

Serious, hoping not to sound like a dick question: If you "honestly think she's ready" to come home, why do you think there's a need to "get the house safe"? That tells me she's still a danger to herself, not ready to come home. How do the professionals view this?

That's like saying why get rid of the liquor in the house if an alcoholic has been through treatment? You're dealing with people, you remove as much temptation as you can from their environment. The f'd up thing to me is that if she comes home and still tries to hurt herself, they might feel like they did something wrong or not enough, when the reality is, you can't make an environment safe from someone intent on hurting themselves.
 
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That's like saying why get rid of the liquor in the house if an alcoholic has been through treatment? You're dealing with people, you remove as much temptation as you can from their environment. The f'd up thing to me is that if she comes home and still tries to hurt herself, they might feel like they did something wrong or not enough, when the reality is, you can't make an environment safe from someone intent on hurting themselves.
I understand your point completely. And knowing what I know about alcoholics and "treatment", your comparison is apt; I'm not sure how comparable the temptation of a bottle of Jack is to an alky as is the temptation of a pair of scissors to someone with suicidal ideation. That's why I asked what the professionals' take was.

As in so many things, it all boils down to where you can reasonably draw the line.
 
I understand your point completely. And knowing what I know about alcoholics and "treatment", your comparison is apt; I'm not sure how comparable the temptation of a bottle of Jack is to an alky as is the temptation of a pair of scissors to someone with suicidal ideation. That's why I asked what the professionals' take was.

As in so many things, it all boils down to where you can reasonably draw the line.

I don't know if it's the same temptation, but I do know that seeing something you can hurt yourself with can start a person with suicidal thoughts down the path of thinking about how they might hurt themselves and so the best option is to try and avoid the opportunity to even get on that path. It might not be so much temptation. I would imagine that came straight from their Dr or counselors... probably in a pamphlet or checklist. It just stinks because then if something does happen, you might always question yourself.
 
Thanks for sharing all you have with us concerning your daughter. You may help someone else in the process.

Serious, hoping not to sound like a dick question: If you "honestly think she's ready" to come home, why do you think there's a need to "get the house safe"? That tells me she's still a danger to herself, not ready to come home. How do the professionals view this?
It’s just part of a safety plan..they have everyone do it. It’s just about being proactive. Not every kid will succeed coming home, but some will.
 
Kid is home! Her sisters were all in tears when they saw her...I think I will be tonight as well at our Shabbat dinner. Just thankful to have her back home. Gotta lot of work to do now. I’m hopeful though.

thanks for all your support on here. You guys have been great but don’t let it get to your heads. You actually have some redeeming qualities. Except for @T.M.P. hes still a dick :)
 
Kid is home! Her sisters were all in tears when they saw her...I think I will be tonight as well at our Shabbat dinner. Just thankful to have her back home. Gotta lot of work to do now. I’m hopeful though.

thanks for all your support on here. You guys have been great but don’t let it get to your heads. You actually have some redeeming qualities. Except for @T.M.P. hes still a dick :)
Quit @ing me bitch ... and quit sending nudes to my phone no one needs to see that shit.
 
Kid is home! Her sisters were all in tears when they saw her...I think I will be tonight as well at our Shabbat dinner. Just thankful to have her back home. Gotta lot of work to do now. I’m hopeful though.

thanks for all your support on here. You guys have been great but don’t let it get to your heads. You actually have some redeeming qualities. Except for @T.M.P. hes still a dick :)
How old are your kids?
 
Kid is home! Her sisters were all in tears when they saw her...I think I will be tonight as well at our Shabbat dinner. Just thankful to have her back home. Gotta lot of work to do now. I’m hopeful though.

thanks for all your support on here. You guys have been great but don’t let it get to your heads. You actually have some redeeming qualities. Except for @T.M.P. hes still a dick :)
Best of luck, my friend, to you and your family.

If you ever need anything, ask.
 
So had a really nice dinner at home. Kid ate a lot of food mostly because she knows it’s required. The problem with that is she starts to feel guilty and somewhat sad afterwards. As I’ve been learning so many of these harmful things such as cutting and eating disorders are about control. So as she gains weight (which everyone but her wants) she must feel like she’s losing control. I’m not sure there’s anything I can tell her yet that makes her feel different. What can she gain that gives her control again that’s not unhealthy. I’m sure if I think about it a bit I’ll figure it out, but I share in her sadness because she must feel so isolated in her feelings like nobody understands her. It really is sad...I want to give her an idea to grasp onto to replace her loss of control.

Monday she starts her intensive outpatient program for just the eating disorder. It can’t come soon enough so I can learn how to support her needs better rather than just requiring her to eat the food I’ve given her. That part kinda sucks.
 
So had a really nice dinner at home. Kid ate a lot of food mostly because she knows it’s required. The problem with that is she starts to feel guilty and somewhat sad afterwards. As I’ve been learning so many of these harmful things such as cutting and eating disorders are about control. So as she gains weight (which everyone but her wants) she must feel like she’s losing control. I’m not sure there’s anything I can tell her yet that makes her feel different. What can she gain that gives her control again that’s not unhealthy. I’m sure if I think about it a bit I’ll figure it out, but I share in her sadness because she must feel so isolated in her feelings like nobody understands her. It really is sad...I want to give her an idea to grasp onto to replace her loss of control.

Monday she starts her intensive outpatient program for just the eating disorder. It can’t come soon enough so I can learn how to support her needs better rather than just requiring her to eat the food I’ve given her. That part kinda sucks.

1) she gains life and health. She gains control of herself and direction. Continuing down her previous path, she needs to realize that she didnt really have control of either.
2) she can learn more about this and help others, which is something she can focus on and help.give her control of something. Whether as a counselor, dietitian, fitness, ect...
 
1) she gains life and health. She gains control of herself and direction. Continuing down her previous path, she needs to realize that she didnt really have control of either.
2) she can learn more about this and help others, which is something she can focus on and help.give her control of something. Whether as a counselor, dietitian, fitness, ect...
Great points...reminded me that she wants to be a doctor. She can’t help others unless she gets control of her life.

Thank you, even as a parent it becomes tough to see through the trees.
 
So as she gains weight (which everyone but her wants) she must feel like she’s losing control. I’m not sure there’s anything I can tell her yet that makes her feel different. What can she gain that gives her control again that’s not unhealthy. I’m sure if I think about it a bit I’ll figure it out,
Horseback riding. No, I am not kidding. Same horse every time on a regular (minimum weekly) basis.
 
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Horseback riding. No, I am not kidding. Same horse every time on a regular (minimum weekly) basis.
That’s a really interesting idea. Thanks I’ll look into it.
Young teen girls are nuts about horses. And learning how to "control" a 1200 lb. animal gives them confidence and a sense of accomplishment.

No need to go whole hog with a high end English riding school with all the fancy clothes/gear; find a Western pleasure oriented stable that is focused more on fun than on competition. Trail riding rather than ring work would be the best starting point.
 
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Horseback riding. No, I am not kidding. Same horse every time on a regular (minimum weekly) basis.

That is a good idea. I don't know what it is, but there is often some connection between women and horses specifically, and animals in general. Seems like I've read about stables that offer riding as part of a therapy plan and it might even extend to grooming the horse? Saw a story on it somewhere, but it's worth looking in to. Maybe a pet for her to care for too? I know a family who's daughter struggles and they feel like she opens up talking to their dog in a way that she doesn't connect with people. I guess the main thing is to not get defeated and to continually try different things and approaches.
 
Young teen girls are nuts about horses. And learning how to "control" a 1200 lb. animal gives them confidence and a sense of accomplishment.

No need to go whole hog with a high end English riding school with all the fancy clothes/gear; find a Western pleasure oriented stable that is focused more on fun than on competition. Trail riding rather than ring work would be the best starting point.

I think that might be good for me too: riding, breaking and controlling a wild little filly. I can see the satisfaction in that!

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That is a good idea. I don't know what it is, but there is often some connection between women and horses specifically, and animals in general. Seems like I've read about stables that offer riding as part of a therapy plan and it might even extend to grooming the horse?
There are stables that offer "equine therapy", but I wouldn't be too concerned with finding one that claims as much. Find a stable that offers lessons, assigns her "her" horse, make a regular schedule, and has her start with the basics -- including grooming and the like. The good ones will know what she's capable of and where she needs to start. Some kids are "horse crazy" and just want to jump on them and go; others need to be brought along slowly, with small accomplishments and successes building on themselves. I've seen it work (was actually involved in doing this type of thing 50 years ago), and when it works well it's transformative.
 
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