Friday Funnies

[sdhoosier]

A guy goes to the supermarket one day. He’s doing his shopping when he notices an attractive young woman waving at him.

She comes over and says hi to him.

He’s taken aback because he can’t think where he knows her from. So he asks her, “Do you know me?”

She replies, “Yes, I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”


The guy’s mind is whirring now and it travels back to the only time he’s ever been unfaithful to his wife. He asks the woman, “Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???”

She looks into his eyes and calmly replies, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.”






and a chick.....

 

[dr.jb]

A guy goes into a bar….

He starts dialing numbers on his hand, like a telephone, and talking into his hand.

The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble....

The guy says, “You don't understand, I’m very hi-tech
I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular.”

The bartender says “Prove it.”

The guy dials up a number and gives his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a conversation.

“That's incredible,” says the bartender. “I would never have believed it!”

“Yeah,” said the guy, “I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the men's room?”

The bartender directs him to the mens room

The guy goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by and he doesn't return.

Fearing the worst given the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the men's room.

He finds the guy there spread-eagle against the wall, his pants pulled down around his ankles and he has a roll of toilet paper shoved up his ass.

“Oh my god!” said the bartender “Did they rob you? Are you hurt?”

The guy turns and says: “No, I'm ok,

I’m just waiting on a fax.”

 

[indiana ed]

Like to oil her up

 

[largemouth]

I'd like to hose her down.

 

[kkott]

Like to oil her up

you can oil her up, as long as I get to take over from there!

 

[kkott]

A guy goes to the supermarket one day. He’s doing his shopping when he notices an attractive young woman waving at him.

She comes over and says hi to him.

He’s taken aback because he can’t think where he knows her from. So he asks her, “Do you know me?”

She replies, “Yes, I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”


The guy’s mind is whirring now and it travels back to the only time he’s ever been unfaithful to his wife. He asks the woman, “Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???”

She looks into his eyes and calmly replies, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.”






and a chick.....

I was reading the punchline as I answered a call at work and you caused me to snort into the phone!