Friday Funnies

[sdhoosier]

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."


and a chick...

 

[Stuffshot]

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."


and a chick...

No-o-o-o-o-o! Don't tell me that. I saw that very thing at a restaurant in Carmel. The waiter said his name was Jim Brainard.

 

[Crossblock]

Let's see if this one gets a laugh.
A Blonde walks into Bed Bath and Beyond and tells the Clerk she needs to find some pink curtains. The Clerk directs her to an area where she can look at Samples of all the Pink Choices. She finally finds the pattern she likes and returns to the Clerk.
The Clerk then asks her what length Curtains she needs. "17 Inches" she replies. The confused Clerk tells her He has never had a Customer ask for Curtains that size, and asks her what she needs them for.
"My Computer" she replies. The confused Clerk then informs her that Computers don't require Curtains.
To which the Blonde replies, "But my Computer has Windows".

 

[outside shooter]

I would modify it...

A pastor walks into Bed Bath and Beyond and tells the clerk he needs to find some MAGA curtains. The clerk directs him to an area where he can look at samples of all the racist choices.

He finally finds the pattern he likes (it says 'Build that wall' and 'Get into the cage, Jose') and returns to the clerk.

The clerk then asks him what length curtains he needs. "17 Inches" he replies.

The confused clerk tells him that he has never had a customer ask for curtains that size, and asks him what he needs them for.

"My computer" the pastor replies. The confused clerk then informs him that computers don't require curtains.

To which the VanPastorMan replies, "But my computer has Windows".

 

[kkott]

Let's see if this one gets a laugh.
A Blonde walks into Bed Bath and Beyond and tells the Clerk she needs to find some pink curtains. The Clerk directs her to an area where she can look at Samples of all the Pink Choices. She finally finds the pattern she likes and returns to the Clerk.
The Clerk then asks her what length Curtains she needs. "17 Inches" she replies. The confused Clerk tells her He has never had a Customer ask for Curtains that size, and asks her what she needs them for.
"My Computer" she replies. The confused Clerk then informs her that Computers don't require Curtains.
To which the Blonde replies, "But my Computer has Windows".

That did get a laugh...

in 1990!