Friday Funnies

[sdhoosier]

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said.

No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye. "Screw me hard or climb the ladder to success," she said. "Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."

On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was quite attractive. "Screw me now or climb the ladder to success," she uttered. As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went.

On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot. "Screw me here and now or climb the ladder to success," she flirted. Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.

"Who are you?" the man asked.

"Hello" said the ugly fat man, "I'm Cess!"



and a chick....

 

[Crossblock]

Let's see if this one get's a response.
A man retired at age 65 after working for 40 Years. He enjoyed the first six months of retirement, but began to get antsy once the Novelty wore off. One day, he noticed that the Grocery Store around the Corner from his House was advertising an Employment opportunity In their Deli. He inquired about it, applied and was hired.

The job seemed to agree with him. The Hours were agreeable, he could walk 5 Minutes to Work, and although the pay wasn't great, it provided some extra spending money and occupied his time. In the first 12 Months, he received some good performance reviews , raises and a promotion.

One day, while his Wife was home, the man came home in the middle of his shift. The concerned Wife asked him if he was sick. "No, he replies, but I just got fired. "Fired? responds the Wife, what happened?"

"Well, said the Husband, ever since I was hired, I have had this Erotic Fantasy about sticking my Dick in the Pickle Slicer to pleasure myself. In recent weeks this became an obsession. Today, my desire overcame my sense and I did it. Unfortunately, my Boss caught me in the Act and immediately fired Me."

"Oh My God, says the Wife, Do we need to take you to the Doctor or ER to have you checked out?" "No replies the Husband, I'm not injured, I'm perfectly fine." The Wife then asks, "If you did this and came out uninjured, What happened to the Pickle Slicer?"

To which the Husband replies, "Oh they fired Her too."