Friday Funnies

[sdhoosier]

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."

The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.

The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."

Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?

"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."


and a chick...

 

[Crossblock]

I'll throw this one out. A young lady is not happy with her figure and really wants larger breasts. However she doesn't want to go through the trouble and risk of breast enhancement surgery to become a "Silicone Susie". A friend of hers refers her to an organization called Positive Image. They devise a course of action for clients to meet goals and emphasize positive thinking . They devise a set of exercises for her and provide her with a positive reinforcement chant to say as she does the exercises. In her case they advise her to use the following poem:
"Mary had a little Lamb,
It's fleece was white as snow,
And when I do my exercise,
My Boobs are sure to grow."

They also emphasize that she needs to do the exercises twice a day at the same times. She chooses 10;00 a.m. and 2:00 p.m. One day when she is out running errands she loses track of time. She looks at her watch and it is almost 2;00. She finds a secluded aisle toward the back of the store and begins to exercise keeping her voice down so as to not draw attention to herself. As she is finishing she is startled to find a young man walking up behind her in the aisle.

The Young man Smiles at her and says, "You must be a Client of Positive Image." She replies, "Yes, how did you know?" The young man moves his hand below his belt and right in front of his crotch and says:
"Hickory,Dickery, Dock, ............."

 

[sglowrider]