Birth of the OTF & The Tale of Stunnedmonkey and the Mateys - by IUT

[Not Fade Away]

All copy written by IUT

And Peegs said: Let there be mirth and frivolity, just not on this board.

Peegs then turned to his right and said to Sir Aruss "Go forth across the kingdom and scour the land for idiots and perverts which I shall put into a new fiefdom I shall call the OTF thereby raising the collective IQ of the rest of the kingdom."

And on that day Sir Aruss set out with his trusty squire etecnifibre to collect every worthy imbecile and degenerate in the kingdom as charged by his king.

Aruss rode deep into the dark forest of rivals before coming into a clearing where stood two men engaged in a heated aurguement. "Tell me you wouldn't 69 with Pat Keady if it meant a whole weekend of sex with Jennifer Anniston and Ashly Jud!" Yelled the first man. "No f***ing way!" replied the second Sir Aruss approached both upon hearing this exchange. He then turned to Peegster #1 and said "You sir, are a pervert" and then, turning to #2, said "and you sir are a moron".

"I am Sir Aruss of the freeboard". "My lord." both replied as they knelt down. "Rise good Peegsters" said Aruss. He then turned to Peegster #1. "What is your name?" "dolfingus my lord" replied the Peegster. "and yours?" said Aruss turning to the idiot Peegster. "CF** my lord." replied the moron.

"I have been charged by my king to collect sexual predators and retards and bring them to a new fiefdom across the fire wall. Won't you join me?" "We would be honored" both replied.

The three soon came upon two women laughing heartily at a man who had taken his shirt off in an effort to impress the two wenches. They were soon joined by two of their friends who joined in the laughter. Soon all four walked away looking over their shoulders still laughing and and saying such things as "loser" and "geek".

Intrigued, The three Knights walked over to the man. "What is your name sir?" Asked Sir Aruss. "I am called tunk" replied the man. "tunk", Sir Aruss began, "you are perhaps they biggest loser in the kingdom except for maybe this guy" Aruss said Motioning to Sir CF**. "Will you join me in the new fiefdom across the fire wall?" "Are there chicks there?" asked tunk. "What do you care?" replied Aruss. "good point" said tunk.

"You are now Sir tunk. Rise sir knight." "Give me one second to let my erection subside." "But Sir Knight, those women laughed at you." "Yeah but they were the first chicks to talk to me all year."

The four men then continued their search though the forest of rivals. Suddenly they happened upon a young man in strange attire. "Where are you from sir?" asked Aruss. I am from the land of Bobcat replied the man. He then began to strike poses in a way that made the four men slightly uncomfortable. "What is your name?" asked Aruss. "I am Stunnedmonkey of Bobcat" replied the man. "If you agree to stop doing that, said Aruss, you can join us in our journey to the new realm beyond the fire wall."

Stunnedmonkey of Bobcat then became Stunnedmonkey of the OTF albeit a little sexually repressed now.

The men, now five in all, had resumed the search through the forest of rivals when they came across a man standing in the middle of a patch of goldenrod. "What is your name?" asked Sir Aruss. The man said nothing. "Where are you from?" asked Sir Aruss. Still the man said nothing. "He looks in distress" said Sir tunk noticing a tear running down the man's cheek. "Can you move"? asked Sir CF** The man shook his head no and pointed to an empty big gulp cup of ye olde fountain cola.

"I've seen this before men" said Aruss "RUN!" But before the men could take a step they heard an ear splitting explosion and were engulfed in a storm so foul that any other men would have succumed.

After spending the next three days washing and looking for pieces of the mysterious man in the goldenrod patch they resumed their search.

They wondered into a village with odd looking huts and strange smells. "this is where I was raised" said sir tunk. Me too said Sir StunnedMonkey "It is called 'trailer town". Sir tunk then walked over and blew through the hanging goat bladder alerting all the residents and summoning them to the club house where the five Knights were.

All agreed to join the journey and it was an illustrious group. The Big Lebowski, The Little Lebowski, Harrumph, TimmyMac, Basil Fawlty, DougS, univee2, IUT the brilliant, DJ88, Clubjockey the not quite so brilliant as IUT, and some wench they called Peach. We are honored to be knights of your realm Sir Aruss, said The Big Lebowski, but we in trailer town have heavy hearts this day. BigRedSpec set out to forage for food days ago and has not returned. We fear the worst as this is allergy season and he has but fountain drink to nourish him.

After the Knights all left trailer town, they brought the wench along for their own amusement plus, word came to Sir Aruss of a large gathering of dumasses and sickos in the capital of the new fiefdom. The knights hurried back to find losers of all shapes and sizes begging to be a part of the new realm.

There was Kref, drawer of pictures, CapHoosier, smoker of roots, billydjr90, finder of HLA, UTFO, getter of the shine box, mac624, butcherer of the english language, HoosierGrandaddy, poster of much hotness, SuperHoosier, object of much ridicule, HoosierinATL(who is really into our wench), Sopecreek, JoeyFalk, Sarcastic Mike, Schwagnasty, Augie1, Yamar, OhioGuy, fiessoption, GOIU, Logan13, Chad, Mr. Charlie, and anyone else your humble narrator forgot.

These men, along with the two court eunics rolotomasi and RumblinBumblinStumblin, formed a society of posters who's heroic and noble deeds would influence generations to come. Their great great great grandchildren would know of such things as dog balls, Gary Puckett tumble weeds, goat sex, HLA, picking scabs off of ones penis, making fun of retarded people, vomiting and in the case of Sir Bligedy, very very small wee wees.

Some say the OTF is just a myth. Perhaps but one thing is for sure readers, when ever you find something so repulsive it makes you gag and you just can't WAIT to post it, the OTF will be there in your heart.
This post was edited on 9/9 3:09 PM by Arussif(GetAdminCookie() != 0) {document.write(' (Revisions[/URL])');}

 

[Not Fade Away]

Episode 5: The Return of the Brown Eye

The Tale of Stunnedmonkey and the Mateys

Episode 5: The Return of the Brown Eye

And so the Knights of Trailer Town, along with Sir Kref, Sir UTFO, Sir Charlie, and Sir dolfingus set forth down the road to certain peril. "Men!" said Sir DJ88, "Let us sing songs to pass the time and take our minds off of the battle to come."

"Why don't we just start calling you Sir C**K Munch?"

"Sir dolfingus!" said Sir Clubjocky "You aren't helping matters."

After they had ridden for a time they came to very strange sight. A huge pile of soiled latex. The knights dismounted to take a closer look.

"This is the pile of rubbers of which the old Druid spoke" said Sir Clubjocky. "What's that smell?" asked Sir Big Lebowski. "We must follow that smell" answered Sir Clubjockey "for as long as it takes to find our brother." "You're really attached to the guy aren't you?" asked Sir TimmyMac. "I'm about to lose my lunch here and you're thirsty for more."

Just then the knights heard the sound of a horse on the road behind them. As they drew their swords they recognized the rider. It was Sir CapitolHoosier. "Sir Knights!" said Sir Cap breathlessly, "you are the targets of an ambush."

"By who?" said Sir Kref. "By the Mateys. They know you're coming." said Sir Cap.

"How?" asked Sir Clubjocky. "Well evidently" said Sir Cap "Sir IUT The Brilliant really pissed The Original Happy Goat off by leaving him out of the Birth of the OTF story. He vowed to get even with him by destroying the Knights of Trailer Town. As soon as you guys left they sent sope creek to warn the Mateys of your coming. I was barley able to escape to warn you."

"Brave sir knight, how were you able to escape?" asked Sir Kref?

"Well, let me tell you I won't be able to kneel for a week and...."

"Uh..that's ok. Sir Knight, well done." said Sir Clubjockey

"And you talk about full!...."

"NEVERMIND SIR KNIGHT!"

"Well, what now?" asked Sir Big Lebowski. "Ok," said Sir Clubjockey "After nightfall I shall send Sir tunk, Sir Little Lebowski and Sir DJ88 to ride ahead and spy on the enemy camp."

"I have an idea." said Sir tunk "why not let these other five knights of the realm prove themselves this night and go instead of me?....I mean....I WANT to go...it's just.....I'm not feeling well and it would be a shame to infect anybody."

"Who among you volunteers to go in tunk's stead?" asked Sir Clubjockey "But know ye first of the foul and disgusting people you seek. Know that no form of sexual depravity is too low for these people. Animal mineral or vegetible they'll do anything to anything."

"I'm your man!" Said Sir CapHoosier.

"You are indeed brave Sir Knight but you smell of DNA which attracts them and I fear your presence would endanger the mission."

"Sir univee2!", said Sir Clubjocky, "You will ride with Sir DJ88 and Sir LL. Now mount...uh...get on your horse."

The knights rode deep into the forest and just as the stench became so foul as to make them all heave, they heard the noise of the enemy camp. As they snuck up on the camp they were witness to a scene so vile they were rendered speechless.

There tied to four different stakes in a spread eagle position and completely naked was Sir Stunnedmonkey. Around him danced dozens of the little pirates dressed only in their pirate hats and claymores. They were doing things to the knight so nauseating and cruel that sensitivity towards the reader prevents description in this story.

"What's all that stuff dripping off of him?" asked Sir DJ88. "Not sure I want to know." replied Sir LL. "You know we can always say we couldn't find him." said Sir univee2. The knights pondered that for a time but then decided to report their findings back to the others.

Once back the knights told their tale.

"It was horrible!" said Sir DJ88. It was beyond description!" said Sir LL. "It was kinda funny" said Sir univee2.

"There were over one hundred of them" said DJ88 "They were in an absolute frenzy"

"We shall attack on the morrow" said Sir Clubjockey. "Hey! Sir D**k head!' said Sir dolfingus, "Didn't you hear him? He said over a hundred!"

"We can not afford to wait" replied Sir Clubjockey, "we must attack at dawn."

"SIR KNIGHTS! LOOK WHAT I'VE FOUND!" yelled Sir UTFO coming back from taking a large Spec in the woods. There walking behind him bound at the wrists was sope creek. "This is one of those who betrayed us" said Sir IUJIM. "Indeed it is" said Sir Clubjockey. "What shall we do with him?"

At once Sir Big Lebowski drew his sword and said "I've got an idea." and with one mighty swing lopped off sope creek's head and sent it bouncing down the road. As his lifeless corpse hit the ground the knights rejoiced.

The next morning at first light the knights were busily preparing for battle knowing that they were vastly out numbered.

"Men!" said Sir Clubjockey "Today is a day that no matter what the out come will go down in our glorious history as the day....yes what is it Sir tunk?"

"Well uh...I just wanted to say how glad I am to be here....but uh...the rotator in my sword swinging shoulder is acting up again and uh....well the doctor told me I need to soak it and..."

"Very well Sir knight, you may help pull wounded off the field of battle" Said Sir Clubjocky.

"Ok...uh...that's like done AFTER the battle right?

"Sir Kref!" Yelled Sir Clubjockey. "You will lead the knights not of the order."

"We're F***ed. Hope you guys made out your wills."

"dolfingus for the last time shutup!" said Sir Clubjockey.

Just then they heard a bugle call from over the hill and the sounds of many horses. Over the hill rode Prince Aruss with many knights of the OTF riding with him. To his right rode Sir IUCramer who had a large burlap bag tied to his sadle.

As the knights rode into camp Sir IUCramer tossed the bag at the feet of Sir Clubjockey. "I'm sorry we're late said the Prince but we had business to attend to at the village of WC. In that bag you will find the heads of all the druids...well...except The Original Happy Goat's. The guys used his for a tetherball tournament last night."

"How did you find us?" asked Sir Clubjockey.

"As strange as it must seem" said the Prince, "we were in the middle of our search and suddenly we had a vision." "Was it a chubby guy holding a fountain drink?" asked Sir Clubjockey.

"Why yes" said the Prince. "Know ye of this vision?"

"Yeah sorta, listen, who all did you bring?"

Stepping forward was Logan13, and Chad36. Then came Mac624, butcherer of the English language, billydjr90, bringer of jack mags, CF The Dense, R.A.S., Mr. Travis, Group82, GOIU, son of a non tasty mom, and even HoosierGrandaddy who everyone expected to have a heartattack in the battle.

"It does our hearts good to see you all said Sir IUJIM the gayer than Sir Cap.

That's not all said the Prince just then a wagon pulled up. It was the court eunichs RBS and rolotomasi. In the back of the wagon was Hoosier Peach. There was much rejoicing and wood.

The Knights then mounted their horses and a bugle call was sounded. they then charged into the forest where the Mateys were camped. Axes, swords, blood and seman were everywhere. One by one the brave knights of the OTF were felled as they desparately attacked trying to free Sir Stunnedmonkey.

Sir Mr. Travis tried a flanking move but was set upon by three Mateys who cut his limbs off one by one. "Just call me Matt" he joked before he died.

Sir Harrumph bravely tried to make off with the pile of skin mags in one of the tents when a Matey appeared and lopped off his genetils. "Well, I won't be needing these anymore." he said before expiring from his wounds. "You're telling us said RBS and rolotomasi" who had also joined the battle. Many Knights chuckled at their voices. Many knights resisted the temptation to set upon CF and the battle continued.

One by one they fell. IUJIM by a sword to the face, Mac624 by repeated anal penetration, Sir UTFO by a dagger to the heart.

Hoosier Grandaddy lay on the ground clutching for his nitro pills.

"Steady men!" yelled Sir Clubjockey. "Once more into the breach!"

"What's a breach?" Said IUCramer to Group82. "How the F*** should I know?"

The knights were pushed farther back and it seemed all was lost when all of the sudden out of the bright sunlight appeared IUT the brilliant and his trusty oaf fiessoption.

The Knights let out of cheer and at once the tide of battle changed. Mateys began dropping left and right as Sir IUT the Brilliant ravaged the enemy defenses. Hoosier Peach swooned at the sight of this half man half God.

Soon there were but six Mateys left and they were surrounded. "Give up your prisoner" demanded Prince Aruss.

"We will only give him up to the true legend" IUT The Brilliant stepped forward and the Mateys bowed down.

"Rise worthy adversaries. We will spare your lives but you must pay penance. Take Stunnedmonkey to Trailer Town and put him in my root cellar. My trusty oaf fiessoption will take you there. There you will clean him out and nurse him back to health."

"Thank you brave Sir" said Olaf the head Matey. "We owe you our allegiance." They then carried off Sir Stunnedmonkey and the kingdom of the OTF was saved.

The remaining Knights of the Secret Order of Trailer Town then bid farewell and rode off into history.

Thus ends The Tale of Stunnedmonkey and the Mateys

Episode 5: The Return of the Browneye

 

[Not Fade Away]

Episode 4: Revenge of the stiff

Episode 4: Revenge of the stiff

And so the Trailer Town Knights rode off to find their knightly brother and save him from the evil little people of the forest. Behind them rode four other knights of the rhelm. Sir dolfingus, Sir Charlie, Sir UTFO, and Sir Kref. Sir CapitolHoosier rode in front.......where everyone could keep an eye on him.

After several days of travel, the weary knights came upon a wide stream with swiftly flowing water. There seemed no possibility of crossing without the knights riding many miles out of their way. "Please oh Lord," said Sir Clubjockey, "we have traveled many miles in our quest. Please show us the way." With that a blinding light appeared in the sky. It was a vision of the holy big gulp fountain cola cup. The knights dismounted and fell to their knees. Sir Cap was most excited.

Suddenly a voice rang out across the sky. "That voice" said Sir Little Lebowski, "why it's...." "It's Sir BigRedSpec" said Sir Clubjockey. "But he's been missing for over a year and feared dead" said Sir univee2. "KNIGHTS OF TRAILER TOWN!" said the voice. "THE ANSWERS YOU SEEK ARE IN THE VILLAGE OF WATER COOLER. GO THERE AND FIND YE THE MOST INSUFFERABLE, SELF IMPORANT, KNOW IT ALL. HIS NAME IS THE ORIGINAL HAPPY GOAT. YOUR ANSWERS LAY WITH HIM."

Then as suddenly as it had appeared the vision vanished and with it the voice. Suddenly the stream parted. "It's a blessing from above" said Sir Kref. "You think so?" said Sir Clubjockey, knowing Sir Spec's penchant for idiotic practical jokes. "Then you go first" All of the knights made it to the other side safely and continued their quest.

As they entered the village of water cooler they saw a group of men sitting in a circle in the nude singing folk songs and holding hands. "CHARGE!" Yelled Sir CapitolHoosier. "Hold on!" said Sir Clubjockey. "Let's just ask them where The Original Happy Goat is."

The men identified themselves as the order of the PC druids. There was sope creek, emanboiler, GOIU, Rockfish1, CO.Hoosier, qazpalm, and Rerun Stubs. As they finished up their rousing chorus of "Michael Rowed the Boat Ashore" Sir TBL asked which of them was an insufferable, self important, know it all. They all raised their hands at once.

"Uh...ok" said Sir Clubjockey, "which one of you is The Original Happy Goat?" The men gasped. "Who are you?" asked the one called Rerun Stubs. We are the Knights of the secret order of trailer town." said Sir Clubjockey. "What about us you jackass?" asked Sir dolfingus. "Oh yeah, and these guys too."

"Sir Knights" asked the one called Rockfish,1 "Is your secet order not home to the one called IUT "The Brilliant?" "Yes" replied Sir clubjockey. The men gasped again but this time in reverance. "In that case, said Rockfish1, you can go right in this hut behind me where you will find The Original Happy Goat."

The knights entered the hut where they found another naked man with a bottle of jergens lotion and a copy of The Nation. "Are you the one they call The Original Happy Goat?" asked Sir Clubjockey. "Uh...maybe....who are you." replied the man. "we are the Knights of Trailer Town and we have ridden since the snows of....' "yeah yeah yeah What do you guys want. I'm kinda busy." said the man.

"We seek the fortress of the little people of the forest wherein is held one of our knightly brothers." said Sir IUJIM The Gayer Than SirCap.

"You're actually LOOKING for the Mateys?" "Uh..yes" Said Sir Clubjockey. Where are these Mateys of which you speak?"

"Ride three miles down the road and make a sharp left by the pile of used condoms. From there just follow the smell."

And so the Knights set out on the final leg of there journey with Sir CapitolHoosier selflessly volunteering to stay behind and protect the naked druids of Water Cooler.

To be continued......

Next: The conclusion of the Tale of Stunnedmonkey and the Mateys.
Episode 5: The Return of the Brown eye

 

[Not Fade Away]

Episode 3: The Fanny Menace

(Note from Aruss: I have NO IDEA what happened to Episode 2 - Or if there even was one)


Episode 3: The Fanny Menace

All was well in the land of the OTF. Mirth and frivolity abounded across
the land as OTFers reveled hot lesbian action, bodily functions, and life changing experiences such as The Image.

One warm and sunny day three riders were seen approaching the gates of the kingdom whipping their mounts for all they were worth. "LOWER THE BRIDGE" said rolo tomasi, one of the court eunics, in his high voice that made people laugh.

The three riders raced through the gate straight into the presence of Prince Aruss, lord of the OTF. The three riders, Sir Logan13, Sir Chad36, and Sir Uber were knights of the realm who had just returned from the forest of rivals where they were on a quest to find the holy fountain drink big gulp cup.

"My lord", said Sir Logan13, "we bring you sad news from beyond the fire wall" As other knights gathered round the three knights told their sad tale.

"We were investigating strange tales", said Sir Logan13, "of little forest people falling upon unsuspecting travelers and ravaging their women......and men......especially the men." "Speak up", said Sir CapitolHoosier, "I can't hear you."

"We wandered into a clearing where we came upon a most troubling sight. It was a tiny man with a beard and a pirate hat brandishing a a tiny sword. We attempted to communicate with him but all we were able to get out of him were low growls and the breaking of wind."

""Sir Chad36, Sir Uber and Sir Stunnedmonkey and myself rode closer to the little man when we heard some rustling in the trees. Suddenly Sir Uber yelled EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF! and rode off. We were then set upon by a horde of these little people jumping out of the trees. We tried to fight but there were too many of them and we soon were forced flee."

"Pussies." "THAT'S ENOUGH Sir dolfingus! Let them finish their story said Prince Aruss.

"Well your highness", continued Sir Logan13, "when we escaped the forest and were able to catch up to Sir Uber we noticed that Sir Stunnedmonkey was not with us. Sir Chad36 then said to me that he had seen Sir Stunnedmonkey felled in the clearing and before we took flight the strange little people were begining to perform unspeakable acts on him."

"Sir Stunnedmonkey is a member of the secret order of the trailer town knights is he not?" asked Prince Aruss. "Yes Sire" answered Sir Logan13. "We must inform them of this at once." said the Prince "and they aren't going to like it." "Because these filthy highwaymen have had the gall to put their unwashed hands on another member of their noble order?" asked Sir Chad36. "No, because it's the last saturday of the month and that's when Sir stunnedmonkey usually gives his fashion show around the park campfire while they all throw beer cans at him."

"Sir Logan13, Sir Chad36, and Sir Uber you have ridden bravely....well everyone except maybe Sir Uber. You men deserve a rest. You will sup with me tonight" said the prince.

"Sir dolfingus, Sir Charlie, Sir UTFO, and Sir Kref you will ride to trailer town and rally the nights of the secret order." "Sire I would like to ride with them to help put a stop to this" said Sir Capital Hoosier. "Right!" said Sir dolfingus. "The last time something like this happened we didn't see you for a month you c**k munch."

"Silence!" said the Prince. "Yes Sir CapitalHoosier you may ride with the other nights." "Well he's gonna ride in FRONT of me." said Sir dolfingus.

The five knights rode for two days before finally reaching the gates of trailer town. As they entered they heard someone say "Who are you?" As they turned around they saw a knight standing there in fetching evening attire toped off by a beaded purse. "We are nights of the realma' said Sir Kref, "sent here to inform the knights of the secet order that one of their members is at this moment suffering the tortures of the damned."

"How so?" asked the knight while fiddling with his gown. "Hs's a receptical for midget sperm." replied Sir dolfingus. "Uh, Sir knight, let me handle this" said Sir Kref. "Who are you Sir night?" Sir Kref asked. "I am Sir Clubjockey the not quite so brilliant as IUT."

Sir Kref then proceeded to tell the knight of the troubles in the forest and what became of one of their knights. "You have come at a difficult time as our intellectual leader, Sir IUT the brilliant, is away at his monthly mensa meeting. He's the president you know" said Sir Clubjockey. "Sir IUT's the mensa president?" asked Sir Kref. "yeah, in fact he's the only member in the kingdom" answered Sir Clubjockey "I am not afraid however" said Sir Clubjockey. "I have half a brain and with univee2 standing by my side we have almost 60% of a brain. I shall rally the other knights of trailer town and between us we shall have 110% of a brain."

And with one mighty blow through the hanging sheeps bladder Sir Clubjockey summoned all the knights of trailer town. Sir TBL of the mighty wind. Sir DJ88 the timid. Sir tunk the butt of much female laughter. Sir univee2 the slack jawed. Sir Harrumph the missing. Sir LL the not quite as gay as Sir Cap but close. "Sir IUJIM the gayer than Sir Cap and Sir TimmyMac the pathetically endowed.

"Mount your steeds!" thundered Sir Clubjockey. "Uh, that's just a figure of speech Sir Univee2. We're just gonna ride them."

And with that the Knights rode out into the evening mist and into their place in history.

to be continued..........