And now, the 2005 OTF Awards Ceremony, with your host,

[The Original Happy Goat]

Billy Crystal! That's right, even though he doesn't do the Oscars anymore, he still comes around to the OTF to help us out.

Billy: Thanks, everyone! I may be a washed up old has been, but that's just what the OTF is looking for, right? Especially considering some of the folks who won awards this year. Seriously, were you guys all high when you voted?

(insert customary montage of posts from 2004 with the names of all OTF posters replaced with "Billy Crystal")

(insert uncomfortable laughter)

(insert cliche joke making fun of member of the audience)

(insert uncomfortable laughter)

(insert 10 minute commercial break)

Billy: Welcome back!

(insert 10 minute commercial break)

Billy: Welcome back! Let's get to our first award.

 

[The Original Happy Goat]

And now, to announce the award for "Best Thread Concept"

Amanda Holden!

Amanda: Thank you everyone! Boy, it sure is chilly in here. Maybe I should have worn more clothes? Anyway, in the category of Best Thread Concept, the nominees are "Short Book Titles," "Morning Hotness," and "Hot or Not." And the winner is......
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Morning Hotness!
(Cue music)

 

[clubjockey]

"Thank F-ing GOD!"....

Shouts the clearly inebriated award winner in the special aisle seat in the second row.... "Had that f-ing short-bus-book-title crap won, I'd have puked down IUT's cleavage!"

 

[DJinB-town]

And with that comment, an unidentified OTFer is escorted out...

I can't make out who it is though...

 

[The Original Happy Goat]

And announcing the award for "Best Thread,".....

Jessica Alba!

Jessica: Before I announce the award, I'd just like to say that I think Goat is the sexiest man I've never met. Okay, in the category of "Best Thread," the nominees are, "OTF Tale Thread," "Kookie's O'Charley's Story," "Twas the Night Before Christmas," and "Twelve Days of Christmas." And the winner is....
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The OTF Tale Thread!

 

[clubjockey]

It was Amanda Beard

She's making a beer run...

 

[dusto nomo]

She's my date*

nt

 

[DJinB-town]

She's an OTFer? Huh... I never made the connection...

What's her username anyway?

 

[The Original Happy Goat]

And now, the award for Biggest Techie, presented by....

Kristanna Loken.

Kristanna: Nothing gets me hornier than a man who knows his way around a computer. So in the category of "Biggest Techie," the nominees are etecnifiber, The Original Happy Goat, kmwinter and stunnedmonkey. And the winner is.....
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kmwinter!!!

 

[Capitol Hoosier]

Wrong. It was Tom Cruise....he's making a beard run.

 

[mac624]

Alright!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

IU

 

[mac624]

Sit down you wanker**

IU

 

[The Original Happy Goat]

And now, announcing the award for Best Signature Changer,...

Jenna Jameson.

Jenna: As a special award, the winner in the category of "Best Signature Changer" gets to appear in a film with yours truly, making this one of the most important awards of the night. And the nominees are billydjr, Kref and Capitol Hoosier. And the winner is...
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Kref!

 

[kmwinter]

r0xx04z**

nt

 

[CF**]

To the guy who has had the same cartoon airplane

in his sig for months. I'm dumbfounded.

 

[clubjockey]

"F-ing A-right Buddy!"...

Souts the clearly inebriated award winner in the special secion Aisle seat in the second row. "That's best damn thread we've EVER had! Had anything else won, I'd have taken off my left shoe and started beating Daniel Day-Lewis and Aruss with it!"

 

[billydjr90]

Congrats Kref.....but we all know you are too old to handle

the scene with Jenna, Cap is gay, so can I stand in for ya?

 

[clubjockey]

"F-ing right about THAT one, Eh?"...

Shouts the inebriated award winner. "Winter is my snuggle-buddy!... Woo Hooo!"

 

[clubjockey]

"F-ing man among boys!"

Shouts the drunk. "Hand-pounds for KREF!"

 

[kmwinter]

i can spoon with the best of them **

nt

 

[IUT]

I'm gonna save my "hand pounds" for Peach...........

but hey, live how you want to live my friend.

 

[The Original Happy Goat]

And now, in the category of "Best Rivalry".....

Our presenter, Elisha Cuthbert:

Elisha: Well, judging from the nominations, EVERYONE hates SuperHoosier. The nominees are SuperHoosier vs mac, SH vs CF**, SH vs dolfingus, Aruss vs. Buzz, Aruss vs. scott (who the hell is scott?), and IU3 vs. the Mods. And the winners are...
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SuperHoosier vs. CF**!!!!

 

[Capitol Hoosier]

I'm not gay! SuperDork is spreading rumors...

Sush billydjr90. My date with Booyah is fast approaching. If you ruin it, you will suffer my wrath.

 

[mac624]

I thought you left??**

IU

 

[CF**]

My first goatie!!!



On behalf of Radio who isn't here I would like to thank him for that. Thank you to mom and pops CF and to those on the OTF who made this all possible. I'm getting teary eyed.

*sniff*

 

[clubjockey]

Go big or go home...

How come we haven't done lunch yet?

 

[Kref]

Wow! Thanks, everyone, which makes my nametag appropro...

C'mere, Jenna, heh,heh,heh,heh, I won't hurt ya, heh, heh, heh...

 

[mac624]

Damzit!!!! This is rigged**

IU

 

[IUT]

I've been indisposed.

I have some kind of cancer on my head and they don't know what kind yet. I'm currently doing some topical chemotherapy and waiting to hear what's wrong with me.

 

[mac624]

Doing each other at lunch now?? Isn't that going a bit too far on the

first date??

 

[The Original Happy Goat]

And presenting the award for

Eva Mendes!

Eva: This category is meant to recogize the poster who does the most to annoy fellow posters by complaining about how much his or her life sucks, as though the rest of our lives don't suck, too. The nominees for "Biggest Family/Career Whiner" are BigRedSpec, stunnedmonkey and clubjockey. And the award goes to...
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clubjockey!
This post was edited on 4/28 1:58 PM by The Original Happy Goatif(GetAdminCookie() != 0) {document.write(' (Revisions[/URL])');}

 

[RumblinBumblinStumblin]

Yep, that's about right.

Dude needs to shut his piehole.

 

[dusto nomo]

Rightieoh*

nt

 

[mac624]

At least the voters got this one right. Maybe I should do this, and I

would get into the HOF next year.

 

[IUT]

FIRST date? I've put so many miles on CJ..........

if he were an airline I could fly free to Tokyo and back by now.

 

[clubjockey]

Damn! Seriously?...

Or are you coping the "feel sorry for me as I'm non-contagously-ill" strategy to get Peach's attention?

Seriously, let us know, man... that sounds bad!

 

[Kref]

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Not everyone knows you're dumbfounded, but in honor of my award I'll keep it a secret for ya.

 

[clubjockey]

"Bobsy twins... who gives a F!"....

Shouts the drunk. "NEEDDS MORE LACE PANTIES!!!"

 

[The Original Happy Goat]

And presenting the award for "Most Lamented MIA OTF'er"....

Adriana Lima:

Adrinana: Hola! Quisiera tener sexo caliente salvaje con El Goat! En la categoría de "la mayoría del MIA lamentado OTF'er," los candidatos son "IUT," "Harrumph," "dolfingus," y "Kookie4IU." Y la concesión va...
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Harrumph!

 

[clubjockey]

"HE SUCKS!!!"

"Lame-arse MF-er!"